You were one of 2 I quoted. And a lot of people (myself included) may have various shortcomings and be rude on occasion w/o guilt.
I’m expressing my opinion. You’ve got no idea who I am, so I can’t imagine why my opinion would make you feel “guilty”, unless you already realize there is something not quite right about it.
Yeah - I personally think that the increasing habit of so many - mostly younger - people to appear addicted to their phones and such is undesirable for many reasons - both personal and societal. You are certainly free to differ.
I feel no guilt. Your saying I’m guilty of something doesn’t make me feel guilt. The word means two different things.
And it’s true I don’t know you from Adam, but let’s be serious. You wouldn’t have said how “sad” you found my behavior (though again, I’m not sure you know what my behavior actually is) unless you wanted me to notice.
To add to this: the tone of the person taking the text depends. I see three different possibilities in this thread:
A person takes it, apologizes, and tells me a little bit about the circumstances so that it ultimately adds to the conversation as a topic. This I could deal with.
A person takes it and assumes I’ll be okay with it, perhaps even thinking that I’ll be impressed by how important they are, having to take calls/texts in the middle of a date. Absolutely not: this is way, way different from how I organize my life, completely incompatible.
A person takes a text, completely unaware of the rudeness of it, just taking some random conversation with someone else. Again, this would be so appalling that I’d probably be too shocked even to end the date there, but barring exceptional circumstances, there wouldn’t be a second date.
In the end, except for the first example, I would find it sad that someone felt the need to take a text during a first date. That might be awful of me, that might be bigoted or close-minded or whatever, but it’s a moral failing I can deal with, and I’d still pity them.
It’s more impressive when someone’s phone audibly goes off, maybe even several times, and they don’t answer it. They just keep on talking to you. This says “Yes, there are all people in the world that want my attention, but they can wait a few hours, because I just got it like that.”
You’d think the posers would have figured this out yet and started adding to this move to their repetoirs, but sadly, most seem to think it’s more cool to jump when their phone tells them to do so.
I have to tell you that I am deeply impressed with your self esteem. You seem to be convinced that everyone behaves the way they do to specifically impress you. One doesn’t normally witness that kind of thing often so I have to tip my hat to it when the opportunity does come up.
And I’m impressed by the amount of attention that you–of such superior self-esteem-- have devoted to my opinions about the phone-leashed posers that have crossed my path. Who, by the way, do not constitute “everyone”, just a subset of fools that seem to be extra prevalent in DC.
But keep thinking of more biting things to contribute to this thread. We haven’t yet exceeded the quota of trying-too-hard-to-be-clever-and-failing posts.
Funny enough, I was dining out that day with a friend and was periodically texting and getting looks from the people at a table diagonally from us.
(If so, that’s my first run-in with a Doper, hello!)
On the subject, absolutely not on the first date. Your attention is supposed to be towards the person you’re with, not on somebody else. Maybe at some point later on, but not the first date. It’s just rude and in really bad form, despite how common-place texting is.
There’s a wide range of difference between “underling” and “in charge,” especially in a large, global corporation. I find it amusing that your standards have a self-employed person in a business of one having a higher-profile job than an EVP in a company of 25,000.
Yes.
Email and text messages are different–and useful–specifically because they are not like talking to someone who is standing right there. They’re asynchronous methods of communication. The entire point is that I can send you a text or an email, and you can then read and respond when it is convenient for you. Which, *unless *the other person is in agreement, is *not *when you’re out at a social event that’s intended to be focused on the other person.
“Hope I die before I get old! (Talkin’ bout my ge–”:fumblefumblefumble:
Seriously? To me, that says, “I’m an asshole who doesn’t know how to silence my phone.” Now, if the phone goes off, and they say, “Excuse me,” pull it out, turn the ringer off, and put it back where it was, that’s impressive. To let the phone just keep ringing when they have no intention of answering it is rude to everyone around them. Might as well just sit there tooting on a whistle.
I was thinking more along the lines of “ding dong ,the witch is dead ,the witch is dead ,the witch is dead…” but I imagine the inappropriate tune selection is nearly infinite.
I said it’s more impressive, not that its impressive in an absolute sense. When judging what would net someone more cool points, the self-controlled nonresponder would be better than the person who is conditioned to answer their phone whenever it commands his/her to. The first person can at least triage interpersonal interactions in a discriminating fashion. People who are leashed to their phones often respond to incoming requests for attention as those requests come in, rather than prioritizing them based on their importance and time-sensitivity.
But I agree, it’s far better to not even have the phone enter the equation at all.
I wonder how many people who think texting on a first date is cool would also do it when interviewing for a job. A first date is kind of an interview. I’d guess that behavior then is a good indicator of behavior in the future. If you think the other person texting during the wedding, honeymoon, and childbirth, then fine. My last first date was long before many of you were born, so maybe I’m out of touch, but I think I’d prefer someone who would concentrate on what is going on here and now.
Someone brought up a friend stopping at the table. I’d expect to be introduced, to have a short conversation, and then the friend to be shooed away if the friend is too clueless to excuse herself.
At one place I worked a director was famous for almost missing the birth of a child because of a very important meeting. If he were of the right age, I bet he’d be answering important work calls during first dates also. Perhaps we are lucky today to have an early indicator of work addiction.
The Times had an interesting article about studies indicating that people do not multitask nearly as well as they think they do. I wonder how someone who is spending a lot of mental effort texting is going to even known if the date is a good one.
I’m 25, and it would be a dealbreaker for me, too. Hell, I find it annoying when my husband answers the phone when we’re in the middle of a conversation at home.
Well, for those following my issues with “social networking” and the invasion of technology to the exclusion of live contact might guess…
But (and I KNOW I’m going to regret asking) what is a “safety call” do you really accept dates with people from whom you might expect to require rescue? What is the purpose of a 'safety call"?
“Dating” means (or at least sometimes means) socializing with people you don’t know very well. It involves a certain amount of risk. A vanishingly small risk that this person is a lunatic, and a not inconsiderable risk that this person is boring or annoying. A ‘safety call’ offers you an excuse for a quick exit when you want a date to end.
The ‘safety call’ is certainly not necessary to end a bad date, but it is convenient.
My mom’s wake/cremation was interrupted by a cell phone. I wanted to shove the phone up the guy’s ass. To his credit, he did take it outside, but I know what he does - he drives a fucking ice cream truck. I kid you not. There was no reason for him to even have his phone on.
Anyway, as others have said, it’s a difference in values. I put up with my brother answering the phone while I am with him…but to be honest, I try to see him as little as possible.
In a date? Yes, it is a dealbreaker. As others have said, it’s just in how you look at things. I have received phone calls while I am out and about and I’ll glance at the phone and if it’s unimportant, won’t even answer it. People are shocked at my restraint, I tell you!
Oh, and there is almost no chance I’d ever date a lawyer, so that’s not even a concern.
I think that it would be pig ignorant myself but I suspect that the couple in the O.P.had probably fallen into one of those awkward silences and were texting to fill the space.
