well, on the surface of it, it certainly seemed like you were talking about the same guy.
Maybe, I’m not used to someone bemoaning the breaking of their heart over two different guys w/in hours.
Heartbreaking. Why are y’all being so hard on her?
Birdgirl, you don’t owe anyone an explaination - not him, not Joshua, not the people on these boards. People sometimes make other people feel shitty. There’s nothing wrong with feeling shitty.
But, I’m so glad you realize how true it is that you don’t need that shit from him. It may feel good when he calls but babe, it’s not doing you any good.
Break it off. For good. Don’t take his phone calls. Don’t listen when he comes crawling back. He wants the pleasure of your company but isn’t interested in earning it.
He’s a twat, and I don’t know you or him but I KNOW you’re better off without him. It’s hard to slam the door in his face but it will make the rest of your life so, so much easier.
I reckon you can do what you like with Joshua provided that you never lie to him. If he asks what’s up, tell him, otherwise - as long as you’re not hurting anyone, it’s all about you for a while.
I’m not laughing at your expense…in fact if you look up earlier in your thread I thought I took it for what it was worth and gave you some sound advice in my reponse.
I was laughing at Guin’s post…it just struck me as amusing after that whole kids going for a walk in the woods thread a few days back.
Nothing more.
Let me clarify: I wasn’t getting any “action.” There was nothing physical going on between birdguy and myself, and the only thing between “Joshua,” was the kisses. That’s not a lot of action in my book! 
Well, it definetly was two different guys. Here are the main points that should have indicated this:
-
The first guy, birdguy, I was with for 9 years, and I lived with him for 2 years.
-
I ment “Joshua” last October, so I have only known him for 9 MONTHS.
birdguy=9 years
“Joshua”=9 months
Definetly two different guys!
I don’t get it. 
birdgirl, nobody’s calling you a bitch or a slut, you just have some destructive habits that you need to break. And if you really like this ‘Joshua’, don’t be surprised if he’s a little reluctant to get romantically involved with you at first, considering the screwed-up situation you’re coming from. You said you didn’t tell him about it, but sometimes these things are obvious without you having to say anything.
Well if he did think it was two guys, maybe he’ll change his mind and unlock the thread, because I sure could use some advice on that situation.
Please, Mr. Coldfire, unlock my thread. If you read carefully, you’ll see it’s two different guys. You also might notice another difference. I was ranting about birdguy not going to the concert. In the “Joshua” thread, I talk about me dancing with “Joshua” at the concert, so it couldn’t possibly be two guys.
Don’t feel like a jerk and don’t worry about Coldfire. I’m sure he closed the other thread because they were essentially two threads on the same subject.
For the sake of convenience and to lessen confusion, us SDMB relationship consultants can handle all your guy troubles in a single thread. 
Aaaand… that’s more action than I’ve gotten in a year. 
But that’s not your fault. Sorry, carry on. 
yea, so I see. Of course, just looking at thread titles, we’ve got “thanks for breaking my heart again” and “mixed signals, unrequited love” from the same person. Like I said, I’m not used to some one claiming their heart was broken by two different people w/in several hours.
Not claiming any moral position. Merely stating a fact of my existence.
Ok so maybe I misunderstood the reason my thread was locked.
You have some good points there cuauhtemoc. But that is another point that makes me angry. So Guy #1 screws me over and breaks my heart; so does that mean I am ruined goods for any potential Guy #2 that comes along? It’s been almost a year since birdguy and I broke up, so how much longer do I have to wait before guys won’t be reluctant anymore? This sucks.
DUH! :smack: I should have thought of that! Silly me, I guess I was to caught up in everything, the similarities in the titles slipped right past me.
Guy #1 screws you over and breaks your heart.
Guy #2 comes along.
You say it has been almost a year since you and Guy #1 broke up but from your post you are so obviously not over it.
You haven’t left it alone and neither has he. From your post it sounds like he might have moved on with another girl.
So, YES…Guy #2 is going to be reluctant. He has every right to be if the girl in this story can’t seem to get Guy #1 out of her life.
It is very simple. Get over #1 first. THEN go after #2 or #3 or #4.
Now this part is purely my own personal opinion… it seems to me based on your posts that you are not happy being without a guy. Some guy…any guy…just as long as you have a boyfriend.
Get over that quickly. Learn to be happy with yourself and not dependent on someone else to make life meaningful for you.
Ok here’s the deal. The birdguy relationship will only be hurting your chances for current relationships for as long as you haven’t gotten over it and let it color your current relationships.
You and new guys need to set your own terms for relationships. You can’t go by what things were like with birdguy.
Some new guys will be jerks, some won’t. Some will seem interested and then change their minds.
Both boys and girls play the “come here, go away,” game.
Now get your Gloria Gaynor tape out and repeat after me.
I will survive
I will survive
As long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive.
I’ve got all my life to live, and I’ve got all my love to give.
Mumble mumble
Did you think I’d lay down and die
Oh no not I
I will survive
I will survive
Hey hey.
I’m not a guy, but I’d be reluctant to take up with someone who was driving to another town to buy $90 concert tickets so that they could go on a date with their “ex”. You say you broke up, but you then say that you were apart no more than a few months. It’s obvious from your OP that you’re still in love with the guy… imagine how obvious must it be to someone who’s dealing with you face-to-face.
You say in your original post, “Why can’t you just do me a favor and tell me the truth, so I can hate you and move on.” Hon, he is obviously incapable of telling you the truth, as your nine years with the guy has shown. Break off all contact with the guy, even if he calls and apologizes. Give yourself time to grieve before you get involved seriously with anyone else. You not only owe yourself that much, you owe your future partner that much.
I wonder, is it possible to ever completely get over someone you were with for 9 years? Your first real love? Someone you were with from age 17 to 27? Anyone out there who has been through this who can offer insight?
Thanks for the advice, Aries28. But I disagree that I am only happy with a boyfriend. I haven’t had a boyfriend in 10 months, and was perfectly happy until birdguy started coming around again…And during that time I met another guy who I care for (“Joshua”), and why shouldn’t I have been able to be happy with him? He isn’t just “any guy.” He is someone I am truly interested in. Besides, who can blame me for wanting to meet someone new…after 9 years of being with someone practically every day, it’s a bit of a shock being alone…isn’t being lonely a normal feeling?
You’re right, Amanita, what I fool I was! :smack:
I think this whole thing must be a blessing in disquise, like the cosmos kicking me in the ass for being such a fool, and not learning my lesson the first 5 times he dicked me around.
Thanks, that was how I meant it!
For those who are confused, see this thread.
You might have been without a “boyfriend” for 10 months but from your posting it sounds to me like you still were involved with birdguy. Maybe not talking/seeing each other every single day but pretty regular.
Been there. Done that. You DO completely get over your first love in time. Usually when you meet the person that is REALLY your true love. Then you think back on the first love and think, “Boy wasn’t that some silly crush I had going there, but this that I have NOW is what is real.”
Sure, I still from time to time think about my “first love” and think about fun things that we shared but it’s like looking back on childhood and having fond memories…that’s it.
Well, you don’t get over your first or second or third love if you keep seeing them with delusions that somehow things will work out. That’s not “getting over it,” that’s “prolonging it.”
You’ll get over him when you stop SEEING him, HELLO!
Ever considered taking a break from dating AT ALL until you’ve taken some time to actually have your own life that’s not attached to your feelings for someone else? Because from the looks of things, you’re not healthy for anyone right now…including yourself.