Yeah, but it just seemed to me like she was beating herself up and others were encouraging it. Whatever, she obviously understood the intent of it, it’s no big deal.
Okay, birdgirl, no more beating yourself up. You’re not a victim, damaged goods, OR a dumbass. You’re just a human like the rest of us (sorry - I wish I had better news :D). And starting this thread may have been the smartest move you could have made. A dumbass would have just kept on taking his bullshit without ever doing anything about it.
Oh, some advice for the future - my test for boyfriend behaviour was whether or not I would tell my family about things he had done. If he was doing things I was ashamed to tell my family about, then the behaviours were bad and he was released from his boyfriend obligations.
birdgirl wrote
Did you in fact do the following things you claimed?
- punched the wall until you bled
- took a knife to bed
- took said knife to bed because you thought about cutting yourself
- had cut yourself in the past
When you said above that you have never thought about suicide, and “thanks for the concern, but trust me, I’m just fine,” you were avoiding and ignoring a very important observation:
It’s not rational to physically damage yourself, perhaps permanently, perhaps to a point of death. It’s rational to be very sad over a heartbreak. It’s rational to even think bad thoughts. But it’s not rational to conceive a plan to damage yourself, and take physical steps towards acting out that plan.
This is a problem, and it’s enough of a problem that you should find a solution. Work it out yourself, talk to someone you trust, talk to a therapist, do whatever you think is best.
But don’t say there’s no problem.
And don’t punch walls or take knives to bed again.
birdgirl, it sure sounds like you need to focus on you and stay away from relationships with guys for a while. I’m relieved to hear that you’re talking to your therapist, since your temptation to start cutting again is a really bad sign. When was the last time your Dr adjusted your meds?
I live in Falls Church now. I’d love to hang out together if you’re interested.
Birdgirl, let me tell you one of Dr. Bill’s Rules of Love[sup]tm[/sup].
[sub][sup]I am not a doctor, nor do I have any other relevant professional qualifications, nor do I play either on TV or any other type of broadcast media. Take with usual pinch of salt or other spice of your choice.[/sup][/sub]
In my experience, it takes people a surprising long while to be “over” a relationship. The period of time that I usually find is about one-third the time the relationship lasted. This generally appears true in hindsight, and is totally non-obvious before you are “over” your ex.
What I mean by “over” is that the impact or baggage from the former relationship no longer has a strong role in any current relationships. Part of the process of getting over a relationship is by thinking in solitude about what you want and need, and another part is relapsing with the ex and getting burned. Rebound dating is also usually involved, but it helps to know that you’re on the rebound and should look at any dating with that view (rebound dating isn’t bad, it’s just different from dating without baggage).
Realize that you are only partway into a long process, and you’ll come out fine on the other end.