I would like to thank everyone for making this day Necessary.
I want to change my answer.
“San Dimas High School football rules!”
“Let’s Play HOCKEY!”
[looks directly into the camera, holding giant check from the Lottery Commission]
“I like redheads.”
“This is the National Broadcasting Company.” chimes
Knock, knock…
Oh, come on. You can do better than that. I said: KNOCK, KNOCK!
Given the fact I get nervous adressing large groups, I’d probably just take the opportunity to vomit in front of a million people.
When in danger or in doubt , Run in circles scream and shout. 
You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out…
You put your right hand in and you shake it all about…
My name is a killing word.*
*[sub]This scenario is based on the assumption that my name actually is a killing word[/sub]
"Dear Europe,
If you want the U.S. to stop acting like it owns the planet, then hurry up and adopt a federalist constitution; otherwise, just sit back and wait for China to get strong enough to counter-balance the only super power.
Thanks for your time, and don’t forget to tip your server."
By the way, did you hear the guy who invented to hokey-pokey died? It was a weird funeral.
When it was time to put him in the ground, they put his left leg in, they put his left leg out, they put his left leg in…
You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! God damn you all to HEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!
Kanye West doesn’t care about East people!
How does a pizza sound right now? Just like a giraffe. Silent.
“I, yerba buena, solemnly do swear to protect and uphold the office of Dictator of the World …”
But, seriously folks…
“Well, Meredith, I don’t have to use my final lifeline because I know all the African capitals, and I’m about to win the million dollars. D. Nouakchott. FINAL ANSWER!”