The Curse of The Nice Guy

In My Humble Opinion
41

You want to appear to confident:

  1. Be a man damit - Forget that John Cusak movie sensitive guy bullshit. Girls want a man. They don’t want another girlfriend who happens to have a penis.

  2. Don’t BE a doormat - Not being the shoulder to cry on after the guy who your ex-girlfriend cheated on you with breaks up with her is a good start. Be the guy who your ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend is worried she’ll go back to.

The last thing you want is to be the grinning idiot digging some sorority girls car out of the snow while she’s off blowing her boyfriend.

  1. Don’t be a dork - I’ll give you an example. Half the guys in my fraternity were nice guys with good grades, lots of extraciricular activies, neat attire. The other half were social retards who drank and did drugs all the time and acted like 5 year olds (kind of like if the Tri-Lams from Revenge of the Nerds shared the same house as the Deltas from Animal House). Guess who got laid more?

  2. Be a LITTLE sketchy - No one want’s to be around some perfect person. It’s boring. People like a little taste of danger, not a violent psychopath.

  3. Drink or do drugs - Girls seem to be impressed by a man who can hold his liquor. Be careful though because no one likes a sloppy moron.

  4. They’re just girls - Nothing sounds more pathetic than a bunch of guys gawking over some super-hot girl they are afraid to talk to. Did you see that commerical for Universal Studios or something where the two dorks are talking about what they would do if they ever met Alysa Milano? When she hops on the tram next to them all they can do is sit there with their thumbs up their asses. I’d like to think I’d at least be able to manage a “hey…what’s up…” just for the story.

  5. Be casual - Let her be the one to bug you for a committment.

  6. Don’t be like everyone else - Why should a girl go out with you over the 500 other kakhi and J Crew shirt wearing guys she sees every day?

  7. Quit whining - nobody likes a whiner

  8. BE confident - A “confident” person doesn’t need to show everyone he’s confident. He just is. It has nothing to do with bands or motorcycles. Any idiot can buy a bike or a guitar.

42

Amazing:D Poor guy…

43

Oh and I almost forgot:

Don’t be afraid to say “NO” once and awhile - Nowhere is it written that you have to do something everytime someone asks.

44

there are 2 guys in my church that on the surface are “nice” guys. on the surface mind you. many people wonder why they are unattached. i’ll tell you why…

one is a bit of a showboat. if he can’t run the show or be seen doing something he will disappear. he also has a fast, scary, temper. if things aren’t going his way he will throw something. if someone is doing something he doesn’t like, he will grab them rather forcefully. he will only show that temper if he thinks no one will see him. i saw it on 2 occasions both times he did not see me. otherwise he is very friendly, helpful, and can be rather attentive to details concerning peoples likes and dislikes. i wouldn’t want him to know where i live.

the other guy is searching for something to give his life some meaning. he has bounced from church to church, religion to religion, searching. if you show him the least amount of attention he will grab you like you are the last lifeboat on the titanic. saying “hi”, to him can have him thinking you are “the one.” he is not secure enough in himself. most women will say “there’s something about x… i’m not sure what,” upon meeting him. il also don’t want him to know where i live, not even a vague idea.

both guys have gone out with people but it doesn’t last long. both are nice up to a point, but not past aquaintance.

45

Nothing wrong with showing your confidence—where did you get the idea that being visibly confident was bad? Letting women who’ve rejected you cry on your shoulder sounds more like dishrag than doormat, but neither is sexy…

46

Sometimes this god-fearing business gets to people :slight_smile:

47

If that’s in fact the case, the human race would have died a lot time ago due to excessive inbreeding.

48

Well, Urban Ranger, I’m not giving up my relationship with God just for a guy…If he can not respect my beliefs than I have no use for him

49

Yup, that pretty much sums it up.

You must first have respect for yourself, which includes not letting anybody runs you over. Niceness involves a certain amount of conciliation, but you must have a core of steel.

You must also have confidence, proably a sort of quiet condidence coming from knowing you excel at something.

Having some kind of passionate hobby or interest helps too. That help you with focusing yourself, and rubbing your passion off on others.

50

I knew a guy in college who always thought of himself as a nice guy. He had a crush on one of my roommates, so he’d always drop by with ice cream or candy for all four of us. It gave me the creeps for some reason, so I was always careful to say no thanks to anything he tried to give me or buy for me. He seemed perfectly pleasant, but I just don’t like letting men buy things for me.

One day, I was helping one of his roommates with a paper, and I heard him walk into the kitchen of their suite and start breaking things, yelling about how he’d bought my roommate and her friends all this stuff, and he was so nice to her, and she still hadn’t agreed to date him. It sounded almost as though he thought that if he spent x time and y dollars on a girl, she must owe him z affection. I locked the door and stayed there with his roommate whispering to me that the raging maniac outside was really a nice guy and how we should go out and talk to him. No way. After he’d gone I saw that he’d smashed the kitchen wall in three places.

Now, I’ll agree that she shouldn’t have accepted gifts from a guy she had no intention of ever dating (she was gorgeous, well-respected in student government, and intelligent, he was not so attractive, kind of shy and self-pitying, but very book-smart). However, gifts should be freely given, with no strings attached. Anyway, that’s why it always bothers me when a guy describes himself as nice.

No offense intended to you Doc. If I can suggest one thing to you though, maybe look around and see if there are some girls who are more your match in terms of looks, education, and interests. Don’t go after a perfect ten unless you’re at least an 8. If you’re a 4, stick with 3-5’s. Women, at least the women I know, do want a guy who’s considerate, kind, witty, good with kids, etc. However, it all has to add up in a little tally sheet. If a guy is short and unattractive, he’d better be amazingly brilliant, fun to be around, and spend his weekends volunteering for Habitat for Humanity (I once dated a guy like that, and I was able to answer all the questioning looks from friends and relatives with a list of his wonderful qualities that more than made up for his Star Trek battle figures and slight paunch).

51

I’ll quit yawning at these “I’m a nice guy, why can’t I get dates” threads when I no longer see men panting like dogs in heat after every snooty, high maintenance bitch who ever put themselves on a pedestal. :wink:

52

Oh holy fuck.

  1. If it is YOU to be gentle and sensitive, be gentle and sensitive. Do not under any circumstances try to be something you are not, especially if that something is an overpopularized rendition of “masculinity”, whatever the fuck THAT may be, that makes you want to throw up or shoot to kill every time you see it manifested in other guys and doubly so when you see them getting the girls.

  2. Lissen up, fellow. “Nice” and “passive” are both euphemisms for “not sexually aggressive enough”, and even THAT is a euphemism for “not more sexually aggressive than the female”. You aren’t comfortable with the expectation that you, as “the male”, should be more sexually aggressive than the females in whom you are interested? Cool. Hold your head high and be proud of it. Be fucking snooty about it. You’re a nice guy, a rare catch by virtue of being gentle and unpushy, but you just aint available to females who can’t figure out how to hook up with a guy unless he pushes himself on her more strongly than she pushes herself on him. Repeat after me: their loss.

  3. You may find it necessary from time to time to come out of the closet and explain that this is how you are and that you are this way proudly and would not change; that you are not failing to be some kind of manipulative sexual conquistador while wishing you were.

  4. You are allowed to tease. You can imply that you are available or that you might have interest under some unstated circumstances. However, you can be sweet and wish well those who aren’t doing anything much to collect on it or figure it out. Remember always: yes you need it; but no, you don’t need it today or from this specific person. Much as they do, and don’t.

  5. Yes they do. Yes it does. But you do have to advertise. And take your anger over all of this and turn it into some goddam pride. Yeah, pride definitely helps.

53

That statement made my flesh crawl. Being feminine also includes being savvy, being multi-faceted and having a diversified portfolio.[/hijack]

I agree that confidence is the sexiest attribute that a person can have. Women never put “nice guy” at the top of what they desire in a male. They are much more specific:

  1. confidence
  2. integrity
  3. sense of humor
  4. intelligence

and so forth…

If you want to have confidence, then you must learn to love yourself. And before you can love yourself, you have to know who you are. That requires a lot of thinking. It requires that you develop your own personality based on your interests.

As for those guys who ride motorcycles and play in a band, they can be nice too. The two aren’t exclusive of each other. What they do have is that they do things that are fun and interesting.

Begin to find yourself and be yourself and the rest will take care of itself.

Usually it is only shallow women who put rich at the top of their lists. And you don’t want shallow women anyway.

One more suggestion. Generally, women like men who are clean and wear clean clothes.

54

That Heartless Bitch article nailed it.

Oh, and the so-called “Nice Guy” who was obsessed with me also had a really nasty temper. He once took a knife to his parents, sent a nasty letter to an ex who called the cops on him, and after he moved, his best friend told me that once when they were playing a friendly basketball game, and this guy lost, he started smashing windows.

shudder

55

plain_jane
Contrary to what is said here during these types of threads, I don’t want a jerk. I am not going to be on this earth a long time, I’d like to enjoy myself, and that means surrounding myself with positive, happy people.

Let me amend my first post to this thread and add the qualifier “most” before every occurance of “women.” I.e., most women are more interested in rich and/or exciting guys than nice guys. There are certanly exceptions… but they are rarer than most people would like to admit. There is a hell of a lot of uncomfortable truth in Degrance’s post that most women will never, ever admit.

I’m not just picking on women here by any means. There are a LOT of guys out there who claim not to find princess bitches attractive. 99% of those men are flat out lying to themselves.

I refuse to elevate anyone. Men and women both suck and both are highly delusional about relationships. If someone starts a “Why do men not like nice girls” thread I’ll be right there bashing on men. We are just as stupid as women are.

bodypoet
After living with a mean SOB for ten years, “nice” was very high on my list of criteria.

Forgive me if I don’t take your denial of my point very seriouly, consider you just admitted you stayed with a mean SOB for TEN YEARS.

What was I saying about everyone being highly self-delusional about relationships?
Read Ladder Theory. Read the Heartless Bitches article. Quit sitting around in denial. Quit being a “nice guy.”

I just broke up with a girl recently because I could tell she had no interest in having sex with me. I am so happy with that decision I can’t tell you. If I were a nice guy like I used to be, what would I have done? And would I be tying myself in emotional knots right now?

I’ll say it again - stop being a “nice guy.”
-Ben

56

MikeRochenelle , I was pretty much in agreement with you here up until you recommended that Ladder theory.

Although it does contain some home truths, I think on the whole it’s pretty offensive. Anything that contains that many generalizations about women isn’t to be taken seriously IMO.

It’s pigeonholeing men too by assuming that all men want to fuck every woman they find even remotely attractive. Although thats true of a lot of men, it’s not true of all men.

57

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MikeRochenelle *
**…I.e., most women are more interested in rich and/or exciting guys than nice guys. There are certanly exceptions… but they are rarer …Men and women both suck… I refuse to elevate anyone. **

Yeah, we, as humans in general, sometimes suck. And I’m not trying to elevate anyone, either. I’m just saying my reality is different from what you have described.

I can’t really argue “most” with you because I don’t have data either way. However, I must say, in my own circle of girlfriends and female aquaintances with whom I have discussed this, I must say, money is not an issue. I would say most of us prefer a man who is at least doing something with his life (working, school, whatever). I know women who want rich men and men who want supermodels exist… I’m just saying, a good chunk of us don’t care about that crap.

And I’m not entirely sure what you mean by exciting, except I’m presuming you mean, as in, “slightly dangerous”. I dunno. I prefer stability and harmony.