Background: The Cute One and I have been dating for about three months. Overall, things are good, but about every other week he’ll surprise me with “we need to talk” about problem X that he’s having. First it was he needed more time to himself. Fine, I acknowledge that I tend to come on pretty strong when I’m getting into a relationship. Next, it was no, really, he really needs more time to himself. 'Kay, I’ll spend more time with my other friends, but you have to start saying no when you don’t want to hang out, instead of agreeing every time and then springing this discussion on me every Saturday night. Things got better when I moved in June - I’m now living with my two best friends, instead of three blocks away from him.
Next problem: I have to stop planning things. Wait, you remember right after when we started dating, when I warned you that I plan everything, right? And you said, “That’s good, 'cuz I’m terrible at planning,” right? Yeah, but having things planned makes him feel obligated and think about how little free time he has. Okay, well, so what’s planning? How 'bout not more than a day ahead. Okee-dokee, that’s actually turning out to be a good way of keeping some of my more type-A tendencies in check.
But wait, there’s more! Physical affection, i.e. cuddling on the couch, etc. isn’t doing anything for him. He used to enjoy it, both physically and emotionally, but now he doesn’t, and he doesn’t know why, and he’s all stressed out about it. Stop worrying, I say, whenever I start thinking too much about something like that, it just makes it worse. Let it go, and it’ll probably resolve itself. But he should enjoy cuddling! But you don’t, and stop using that word. But what is he going to do about it? Well, if you don’t know what’s going on with yourself, then I certainly don’t either. Go see a doctor, s/he can at least tell you if it’s a mental or physical problem, and direct you to someone who can better help you.
But I’m a “perfect girlfriend” and he “doesn’t deserve” me and I shouldn’t date him just because I don’t think I can find anyone else. Well thanks, Hon, but I haven’t spent the (large span of) time between my last guy and you just sitting on my hands. You “don’t deserve” me? Tough shit, you’re the one I want. And what’s up with this low self-esteem BS? It just doesn’t fit you.
Wow, that was a lot more background than I’d intended. Anyway, so it comes down to
FTR, the NH thing is a choir retreat this weekend; he’ll be back on Monday. We’ll be back together when he gets his shit together. I’m about this close { } to being in love with Peanut Poopy-Head, we’re very compatible and dear Og he’s so cute, and I know that every relationship involves some compromising, but AAARRRRGH! One of my roommates (male) assures me that this is “standard rate male weirdness.” I could use some older, wiser Doper perspective. And I needed a chance to vent. Thanks for putting up with me, I probably sound like I’m back in high school . . . where’s that pukey smiley, again?