**Stupidest way you have injured yourself
Stub Hub?
**
I stubbed my hub once and it HURT!
** Umm…gosh…no, I don’t actually want to suck your cock, but…thanks for asking?
No thank you, I do not want to dance. Which of these words is giving you trouble?**
Alright, jeez, I get it. But would you like to go out for an ice cream soda?
**Opinions on a two seat car as a daily driver
Hot lap around Manhattan
**
Well, at least it will get you to work quicker.
** How did people make a living whittling?
#1 Genie wish, $100,000,000**
I can’t pay my rent. I’m doomed.
It’s unfortunate that I had to burn my house down
I think your landlord might have given you a few weeks’ grace if he’d known the alternative.
** Fleas - even after Frontline what do you do
Genie Wish #3-Resurrection! **
Hey, even fleas got genies.
**Had my physical today. . .
Hell. Officially scared out of me. **
“Oh my god, is that a tumor?!? Oh, wait, never mind–it’s just a speck on the lens.”
**Rape Laws and how they have changed
Girl you can never have **
Pesky modern rape laws!
** Worst. Jew. Ever.
things to do at night in NE**
You could go see the Red Sox on Aryan Brotherhood Night and eat bratwurst and clam chowder. Too bad Kevin Youkilis isn’t around to boo any more. 
Ariel Castro found hanged in cell.
Twerking?
Um, no, I don’t believe he was.
** If you were on death row, what would be your last meal?
Help me find this delicious cracker/cookie/teabiscuit I had one time.**
We were going to execute him back in ‘85, but we still can’t find that friggin’ teabiscuit.
**A message to all atheists, unbelievers, and lukewarm christians
the concept of faith
**
Don’t patronize us.
30 days for Rape
Rape Laws and how they have changed
You’re darn tootin’ - Tom Robinson sure wasn’t facing no thirty days!
I must be an outlier on the sdmb
Umm…gosh…no, I don’t actually want to suck your cock, but…thanks for asking?
Oh, come on! All the other dopers have done it already!
** What do you see when you open your bedroom window.
Black guys with a phone growing out of their head**
Honey! Time to move to the suburbs!!!
** Umm…gosh…no, I don’t actually want to suck your cock, but…thanks for asking?
Rape Laws and how they have changed
**
** How Incomplete is Our Knowledge of 1st-Century Rome?
Are revolvers really better to commit crimes with? **
Yeah, you try holding up a Quickie Mart with a javelin and a company of archers.
** Is it me or …
Stupid bitch Michelle Bachman**
It might be both, just sayin’.
**In What Ways Has the Web Totally Failed You?
People dropping in unannounced **
I mean, they could e-mail, they could IM, they could Skype, they could Tweet, they could update their Facebook status to “On my way to Buckner’s house, be there in a couple hours”, but nooo…
**How to invest inheritance?
Pregnancy tests at the 99 Cents Store . . . **