The First Annual "Enough with the Penis threads for Og's sake" Pit Thread

The BBQ Pit
#1

Okay, so you’re a male.

And you’ve got a penis. And something’s wrong with it. Either it’s

Too small
Too wide
Too colorful
Too stringy
Too limp
Too hard
Too pus-sy

or just too damn bizarre for public consumption. I get that. I even have sympathy for that, even though I’m afflicted with none of the above.

But see, there’s this part of the brain that tells you when you shouldn’t say something before an audience of thousands. And since that part of your brain obviously isn’t firing the right electrical synapse, I’m here to tell you to leave your dick out of this.

It’s easy, you see? If you have problems with your johnson, just keep it to yourself. Or better yet, consult a doctor. And not one here at the SDMB, either. I mean a real-live doctor, one that can poke and prod your penis for problems. Maybe insert a Q-Tip, or draw some blood. Possibly prescribe a pill for your penis problems. Something. Anything.

I’m not a penis expert. I wasn’t issued an owner’s manual or anything. If something goes wrong with my prick, I go ask someone with the proper credential to inform me if this is something to worried about.

Furthermore, if I’m proud of my penis, I don’t start a thread, either. I’m happy you’re happy. Now keep it to yourself, you dick-waving weirdos.
So in the future, I’ll thank all of you to keep your dick diatribes to a damned dull din.

#2

Actually…

#3

So, Chastain, how’s it hangin’?
Someone had to do it

#4

And where’s nonpolar when we need him??

#5

Today, the role of nonpolar will be taken by Rufus Xavier…

Dudes ,I worried about my prick ,I been whacking a lot and now there is numb feeling ,should I try other hand? :wink:

#6

And then let the DOCTOR post the story. It’s funnier that way.

#7

Or let Qadcop become Urologist to the Dopers!

:smiley:

Then he can be the one who shares with all of us his learned opinion.

#8

There’s a manual? :eek:

I never got one!

Guess that explains 7th grade.

#9

Yes!
Ironically, it bears a Doper’s name. Could it be? :smiley:

#10

You left out unemployed, that’s the worst thing a penis can be.

#11

Chastain86 left my particular penis problem off the list so I guess I can talk about. See… I have a large amount of foreskin. It’s freakish really! It’s like I got enough foreskin to make a pair of gloves or something. I guess if I ever need a skin graft the doc will know where to go for extra skin. I mean, my foreskin is… OW! STOP! Quitting me Chastain86! OUCH!

#12

And by quitting me Chastain86 I mean quit hitting me. Damn foreskin. I unzip my pants and it spilled over onto my key board and got in my way… OW! STOP THAT! OW! OW! OW!

#13

[Omniscient Announcer Voice]

And now walking down the runway is Stefan wearing the new foreskin evening gloves. While the color range is limited, they are good for day or night wear, though one must remember the Labor Day rule when wearing the caucasian foreskin evening gloves.

bemused titters from the audience

[/Omniscient Announcer Voice]

#14

:eek:

#15

Oh, the mental pictures…get them out of my head! I think I’m only supposed to boil my brain once a week.

#16

:smack: Of COURSE! This explains EVERYTHING!

THAT’s why OJ’s gloves didn’t fit in the courtroom! The AC was on!

#17

Mine’s OK, a little less than average. I photoshopped him into
Penisman
It’s quite therapeutic, lotsa fun.
Email me if you wanna see it.

#18

Does this look infected?

#19

Gee, when not one but TWO penis threads make Threadspotting, what do you expect? Let’s all blame TubaDiva:

Mr. Johnson, the doctor will see you now.
Inmate Johnson, the doctor will see you now.

#20

Okay, I think we need to add another penis component to the dick bickering here. What about the penis head? You know, the part that looks like a huge button mushroom? (At least mine does) Is it a good thing to have one of these as large as possible? I have gotten spam before that claims to be able to enlarge this part with some sort of vacuum operated device. Is that good? Is it?Should I have a huge knot on the end of my Johnson? Would people cast their eyes in my direction in admiration and exclaim, “Look at that dickhead!” sigh