This is the place to bring attention to the stuff you’ve liked most from all around the boards. Funny, poignant, absurd, terrifying, whatever tickles your fancy.
Please identify the section it came from and the poster’s name.
I’ll start it off in the next post.
From cmkeller, “No Religious Soliciting”, MPSIMS
Last year there was a major push by Jews for J to hand out their materials in the New York City subway system. Every time I encountered them, I’d say, “Oh, sorry, I thought you were Christians for Mohammed. Do you have their phone number by any chance?”
From Snark, “This queer’s switching teams”, MPSIMS
I have always thought that sex between two men is one of the grossest, most disgusting things I’ve ever heard of. I would MUCH rather have sex with a woman than with a man, although I have to admit I’m more attracted to male bodies than female bodies.
From pqlier, “A Theory of Everything”, Great Debates
A set of photons constitutes an electron. The only identifying quality of an electron is its charge, which is determined by the differences between the wavelengths of its constituent photons.
From bj0rn, “santa is god”, Great Debates
that was a question you made, not a statement. and i declare that question invalid in the context provided. because if i answer it “yes” i am really saying that i believe what i said not to be knowledge, and if i answer it “no” i get the same results and i end up looking stupid at the same time.
From douglips, “Confessions of an Ex-Troll”, the BBA Pit
<form action=foo method=get>
Look! It’s build your own post!
<select><option>Krispy Original<option>Cheif Laffitup<option>Contestant #3<option>Fantastic User<option>Martyr #7</select> <select><option>flames<option>apologizes to<option>excoriates</select> <select><option>RTA<option>Lurker 007<option>Lurker 008</select>
Meanwhile, <select><option>Melin<option>Majormd<option>Nickrz<option>bj0rn</select> <select><option>watches.<option>drinks single malt scotch.<option>felches goats.</select>
</form>
Very cool, Lib, but I’m worried about you.
Yet to be reconciled with the reality of the dark for a moment, I go on wandering from dream to dream.
Sake, you’re a […sitting down…] you’re a woman?
From Cooper, “Government To Watch What YOU Eat”, Great Debates
You are not smart enought to write a complete sentence.
Shit. I thought this was going to be about Mr. Happy & The Boys.
::ducks & covers::
The odds that the bread will fall butter side down are directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
I know this isn’t a topic but I just have to point out Vestal Blue’s sig line:
“I could never eat a mouse raw…their little feet are probably real cold going down.”
I love that!
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.
Libertarian:
“I know the mind of God.” GD.
Not exactly his words, but certainly his sentiments.
Aside: Do I like Lib? Yep. Who doesn’t?
pldennison flaming KGB - in one of the Sock-Puppet theatre treads:
“Bite my Crank you cum-burping gutter slut”
I know its a bit strong for MPSIMS, but hey, you only live once.
I’ve now added this to my regular rotation of insults.
J
“Cast a cold Eye, On Life, On Death, Horseman, ride by”
W.B. Yeats
From Scylla, “A New Earth???”, GD
Going throught the early signs of Earth is a difficult period in any planetoids life.
I am gratified to see your concern over Titan.
You may not be aware of this, but not everyone takes the time to really sit down with their planetoids and discuss the changes going on.
You need to show your planetoid that your there for it as it goes through the awkward signs of Earth. When its atmosphere changes nothing seems right. Some of the more mature jovian moons may poke fun at your developing planetoid as it struggles to find its identity.
Don’t be too concerned, this is all natural. Soon the atmosphere may stabilize. You will find that seismic events settle down, and your awkward little planetoid will have become a self confident planet, ready to go out into the solar system and make you proud!
I hoped this helped.
From Beauxeau IX, “Toilet Paper”, MPSIMS
I see no reason to scent the TP, it’s scent will just die in battle.
Alpine
Johnny L.A.
I am a redhead, you see, and I do not tempt. I insist. -Cristi
Exchange from “The Impossible Question” in MPSIMS www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/004467.html
Jinx:
Girl “A” does not like Boy “B”. However, Girl “A” will continue to lead on Boy “B”. a) Why? b)How old is Girl “A”? I told you it’d be a tough question!
**Mad Poet: **
a) Most likely because B doesn’t take hints and keeps hope alive even when there is no chance.
b) A needs an emotional outlet that B provides, but doesn’t see him as a potential mate. A will tell B whatever is required to keep B interested, but will never make any definate statement so that later she can act surprised that B thought she was interested.
c) A is a dirty whore and needs to be slapped down into her place just like all the dirty little girls. Mother wouldn’t want B to play with the DIRTY girls like A. Mother always knows what is right for B. She knows how to make B feel SPECIAL. A isn’t SPECIAL. A is just a CUNT. A BITCH WHORE CUNT who needs to be slapped… slapped like mother used to slap B. But when mother slapped B it was because she LOVED him. Just like B loves A, but B CANT love A because she is DIRTY. The dirty girls must be SPANKED. SPANKED!
Oh, whoa… that was fucked up. Um… a or b.
Jinx:
Everyone’s speculations have their merits, but MadPoet…how is it that you are so wise in such ways? You have amazing powers of insightful thinking.
Mad Poet: People tell me that a lot when I forget to take my pills.
And if Mad Poet sees this, I’d like to steal his last response (and Jinx’s question) as a sig line.
JMCJ
This is not a sig.
I like this thread because I always wished there was somewhere I could keep the stuff that made me laugh out loud. Here’s the first of what will probably be many contributions from me.
It’s Eve’s gem in MPSIMS thread If I only knew then…"
Eve: I’d go back to Dec. 29, 1978, and tell myself to for god’s sake NOT eat the shrimp creole that David was bringing over!
TheUnforgiven: Cool! That’s only 12 days after I was born!
Eve: . . . And I will never forgive you for that.
From Sam Stone, “What’s With The Libertarians?”, Great Debates
Yeah, and drug companies now spend an average of 170 million dollars and ten years getting a drug approved by the FDA. Which has had a chilling effect on drug research. And new drugs kept off the market by the FDA can result in the deaths of thousands or hundreds of thousands. Beta Blockers were witheld by the FDA for years after other countries were using them regularly, and estimates were that something like 50,000 people a year could have been saved if they were available. If a private company made an error that killed 150,000 people, you’d see it as a complete condemnation of capitalism. The government kills them through inaction, and it’s not even in the news.
From Libertarian, “The Gems” in MPSIMS.
This was a great one. Do you guys remember this one? It was the one where Libertarian asked what our favorite things from the board was and then proceeded to post 8 times out of the first 9 posts in the thread! Ha! That one was a riot! Don’t you remember this one?? You don’t? Oh well…
“Everybody wants a rock to tie a piece of string around.”
-TMBG