The Jack Batty Thread

Inspired by our very own Jack Batty in this thread who said “IMHO more people on this board should spontaneously mention me in their threads, just because I’m one Hell of a guy.” And then later said, “What I really need is an entire thread devoted to just how much of great all around human being I actually am. Of course modesty prevents me from doing that myself.” So without further ado:

ahem
Ode to Jack Batty
(a hastily and poorly written sonnet)

May the greatest Doper of all be Jack Batty?
He’s an good enough guy who sure isn’t a rat-ty.
What would we do without our lovely Jack Batty?
Where would we go, with whom would we chat-ty?
The enemy of ignorance is good old Jack Batty.
He’s spot on the ball, he sure knows where it’s at-ty.
Everyone wants to be friends with Jack Batty
'Cuz he’s seldom mean and he’s never been catty. [sub](<— oh look! I used a real word to rhyme there!)[/sub]
He’s oh-so-smart, is the Straight Dope’s Jack Batty
When he has a scab, he would never pick at-ty.
I’m running out of things to rhyme with Jack Batty
So I’ll end this poem before it goes flat-ty.
He’s greatness shines through, he’s a regular brainiac.
Jack Batty, Jack Batty, that megalomaniac.

Lil’ ol’ me?

Aw Gawsh.

You forgot to include a line about what a whore for attention I am. But at least I’m up front about it.

I’m impressed. With both the concept and the <ahem> poem. I think I’ll go sulk now.

Yeah, that Jack Batty is an alright guy.

Jack Batty is the
poster whom I want to be
like when madness comes

Oh, dear Jack Batty
I dream of you late at night
Not really, but still

Modesty is not
the greatest virtue of Jack
yet we love the putz

I adore Jack so
much that I am not writing
my anthro paper

Whenever I read
a Jack Batty post, I start
to think of noodles

I hear that Jack Batty guy drinks his hot chocolate without marshmallows. Heresy!

Marshmellows?!?!
How dare you even think about uttering that word in my presence.

Yes, all this lavish attention is keeping me from my sick bed, but I’ll hang there because, well, I don’ know if I’ve mention it but … I’m a gigantic whore for attention!

Thank you, carry on.

I hear that Jack Batty is a GIGANTIC WHORE.

[sub]… for attention![/sub]

:stuck_out_tongue:

Not just any whore, but a two bit whore!

::gets hit with a bag of quarters::

OW!

Well, he certainly was born on the best day of the year.

Jack Batty likes soccer.

Jack Batty dislikes marshmallows. But I guess he still gets mad style points for the soccer thing.

And also. Jack Batty is not some old guy. The pictures from Sue D’s party prove otherwise. Ahem. Must go adjust worldview.

Carry on.

In honor of Jack, a couple limericks:

There once was a doper named Jack.
A thread of his own he did lack.
Crunchy started this thread
To feed Jack’s swelling head,
Cuz attention he craves just like crack.

I thought I would post in here too
To say Jack’s a good guy – it is true.
When he’s not on this site,
He sits up all night
Playing Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2.

Don’t I just feel loved.
:: blush ::
Coldfire: What can I say, you’ve got my number.

Zenster: A lubs ya too, ya big lug.

Waterj: I planned it that way, you know.

Snooooopy: And someday, you’ll come around too. As soon as I am king, soccer will be the mandated national pasttime.

Rasa: I’ve always wanted mad style points. One more thing to cross off my Christmas list.
And don’t let looks fool you, I’m actually 103 years old - clean livin’, don’t ya know.

Bottle O’: Good limericks, I’d reply in kind but my brain isn’t wired for limericks, I’d be up all night trying to think of rhyme for playstation (just like the Ringo Starr-Charles Schwab commercial).
Signing off from my sick bed, surrounded by 37 hot chocolate stained mugs.

Clean living? Gah. Must rethink worldview again… damn you!

Jack Batty inspired me to download napster-- the bastard.
Jack Batty knows more about Friends than any man has a right to.

I’ll help you out, Jack.

Rhymes for Playstation:

2 syllables:
haitian, nation

3 syllables:
alsatian, carnation, castration, cessation, citation, creation, cremation, croatian, crustacean, dalmatian, damnation, deflation, dictation, dilation, donation, duration, elation, filtration, fixation, flirtation, flotation, formation, foundation, frustration, gestation, gradation, gyration, hydration, inflation, lactation, location, migration, mutation, narration, negation, nitration, notation, oration, ovation, plantation, privation, probation, prostration, quotation, relation, rotation, salvation, sedation, sensation, stagnation, starvation, summation, taxation, temptation, translation, vacation, vibration, vocation

4 syllables:
aberration, acclimation, accusation, activation, adaptation, admiration, adoration, adulation, advocation, affectation, affirmation, aggravation, agitation, allegation, allocation, alteration, altercation, amputation, animation, annexation, annotation, appalachian, application, arbitration, aspiration, augmentation, automation, aviation, calculation, calibration, cancellation, celebration, combination, commendation, compensation, compilation, complication, computation, concentration, condemnation, condensation, confirmation, confiscation, confrontation, congregation, conjugation, connotation, consecration, conservation, consolation, constellation, consternation, constipation, consultation, consummation, contemplation, conversation, coronation, corporation, correlation, culmination, cultivation, declaration, decoration, dedication, defamation, deformation, degradation, dehydration, delegation, demarcation, demonstration, deportation, depravation, depredation, deprivation, derivation, desecration, desiccation, designation, desolation, desperation, destination, detonation, devastation, deviation, dilatation, disinflation, dislocation, dispensation, disputation, dissertation, dissipation, distillation, divination, domination, duplication, education, elevation, elongation, emanation, embarkation, emigration, emulation, equitation, escalation, estimation, evocation, excavation, excitation, exclamation, exhalation, exhortation, exhumation, expectation, expiration, explanation, explication, exploitation, exploration, fabrication, fascination, federation, fermentation, fibrillation, figuration, fluctuation, fluoridation, foliation, formulation, fragmentation, fumigation, gastrulation, generation, gene mutation, germination, glaciation, graduation, granulation, gravitation, habitation, heat prostration, hesitation, hibernation, illustration, imitation, immigration, implantation, implication, importation, impregnation, imputation, incantation, incarnation, inclination, incrustation, incubation, indentation, indexation, indication, indignation, infestation, infiltration, inflammation, information, inhalation, innovation, inspiration, installation, instigation, insulation, integration, intimation, intonation, inundation, invitation, invocation, irrigation, irritation, isolation, jubilation, laceration, legislation, levitation, liberation, limitation, liquidation, litigation, loan translation, lubrication, machination, malformation, masturbation, maturation, mediation, medication, meditation, menstruation, ministration, miscreation, miseration, mitigation, moderation, modulation, molestation, motivation, mutilation, navigation, nomination, nucleation, obfuscation, obligation, observation, occupation, operation, orchestration, ordination, oscillation, ostentation, ovulation, oxidation, pagination, paid vacation, pair creation, pair formation, palpitation, penetration, perforation, permutation, perspiration, perturbation, pigmentation, point mutation, pollination, population, preparation, presentation, preservation, proclamation, procreation, profanation, propagation, protestation, provocation, publication, punctuation, radiation, raft foundation, realization, recantation, recitation, reclamation, recreation, reformation, refutation, registration, regulation, rehydration, relaxation, relocation, renovation, reparation, replication, reputation, reservation, resignation, respiration, restoration, retardation, revelation, revocation, rumination, sanitation, saturation, segmentation, segregation, separation, sequestration, simulation, situation, skin sensation, speculation, stimulation, stipulation, strangulation, subluxation, suffocation, superstation, syndication, tabulation, taste sensation, termination, titillation, toleration, touch sensation, transformation, transplantation, transportation, trepidation, tribulation, unimation, univation, usurpation, vaccination, vacillation, validation, valuation, variation, vegetation, ventilation, vindication, violation, visitation
Now you have no excuse. Slacker.

Rasa, do you have a link to these pictures?

I want to see if Jack actually looks like my mental image of him. In my mind he is a stooped, wizened old sack of cracked leather with dried crusty Hamburger Helper on his sack cloth shirt and a dripping hot chocolate mustache that frames the two teeth in his demented, cackling smile.

Oh wait, this was supposed to be a complimentary thread…I meant to say I picture him as a manly gentleman whose rugged good looks accentuate his devilish charm. Or something like that.

Aah, I did a search and can’t find them. They’re on Sue Duhnym’s page somewhere. Sorry!

But I will say that, were he not married, and I not smitten with a certain other Doper, I would not kick Mr. Batty out for eating crackers in bed.