You oscillate its tit a lot.
God damned Mormons will irrigate ANYTHING!
I don’t have a punchline, but does anyone else keep thinking of the Monkees whenever they see this thread title?
Cheer up, Silver Fire,
What would it require
For a daydream believer
And a…um…something something something…
“I thought you said King Kong’s balls!”
“No thanks. If 12 shots won’t wash out that taste, another isn’t going to help.”
a couple of swallows.
Is it against the rules to ask for the joke to a punchline?
- “Oh Know, I left my harp in Sam Clam’s Disco”
- “He’s blind.”
- “Do you have an eraser?”
- Armies
- “Telling you? I’m telling everybody!”
Why the long face?
Damn, some asshole has my pen!
If it gets too hot, I can roll the window down.
- It’s a knick-knack Patty Black, now give the frog a loan.
-I don’t know, but all the sheep are in your pick-up and one of them is honking the horn.
-That’s what i’ve been trying to tell you, there is no “F” in strawberry.
-Do you really think I would have wished for a 12" Bic?
The clown can stay, but the ferrengi in the gorilla suit has to go.
No, there’s a parrot tossing chickens left and right off the back of your truck screaming “no f**k, no ride”
put it on my bill
Big deal, I put some of this battery acid on a cat’s ass and he passed a car.
Know it ?, hell I wrote it !
“Your car’s about to throw a rod, your wife has the clap, your daughter’s pregnant, and if you don’t quit jacking off, that tennis elbow will NEVER heal!”
Rectum? damn near killed 'im!
Oh, I feel great. I’m living on Dannon Light 'n Fit yogurt smoothies and fake potatoes with powder gravy, but I feel fine. I only vomitted once (in the dentist’s parking lot right after it was all over) and I’ve only felt mildly queezy since, but that’s probably the vicodin. Hydrocodone makes me ill and the surgeon said his license doesn’t permit him to prescribe oxycodone (percocet), so I had a choice of hydrocodone, or Tylenol 3s (which I already have, and they wouldn’t do much good anyway). So I got Vicodin 7.5/750 and Motrin 800mg. I also got antibiotics the size of my face. 
I changed my guaze just three times before I stopped bleeding. I didn’t wake up with dried blood on my face or in my mouth or anything. I have had a lot of sinus leakage, and my face isn’t very swollen at all. My jaw hurts, especially on the right because I have a giant gash on the inside of my cheek. 
But I can eat, and I can speak now, so it’s all good. Thanks for helping lift my spirits, guys!
Oh and, yes, by all means, ask for the joke to any punchlines you might not be familiar with. It can only make the thread more amusing, after all. 
Rather, I have not had a lot of sinus leakage. Sorry, it’s the ridiculously strong vicodin. I did trade 8 of them to my mom for some weaker pills (still vicodin, but only 5/500) to limit the extreme high that comes with these. If those work well enough, I’ll probably trade the rest off to her, as well. I really don’t like feeling this way.
Two skunks fighting over a pickle.
A nun falling down stairs.
Same nun day after she fell down the stairs.
Pardon me Roy! Is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?
There’s footprints in the peanut butter.
Bob.
Art.
Tiffany.
Annette.
Matt.
Change?!?!?! Why should we change?!?!?! Why my grandmother gave that lightbulb to this church!
No, you don’t understand. Chunks is my dog.
Yes, I have an eye up my arse.
No soap - radio.
To get to the other slide.
Really? You got a drink named Murray?
Pay him for the pizza and close the door.
Dunnapoo.
(from those jokes we learned when we were 8)