** Raped at the pump again - when will it end? What can we do?**
First - change gas stations. Self-service costs less anyway.
** 9/11/2001 established “Dubya” as a leader. How?**
Well, when the bad stuff happened, everyone suddenly wondered - ‘Hey, who’s President right now, anyway?’
** I just thought someone broke in, so what did I grab?**
Well, if it was a Smooth Criminal, and your name is Michael, my money’s on your crotch.
**What’s the best way to keep shoes from stinking? **
Don’t wear them.
**What Can I Feed My Cat To Help Him Gain Weight? **
A lot…
**My toenail fell out-anything I should do? **
Put it under your pillow for the Toenail Fairy
**Where be Mars? **
YArrrrr… it be in space…
Give me a New Screen name!
SockUnderBridge
I have nine year old cheddar.
They grow up so fast, don’t they? It seems like only yesterday it was just curds.
My first foul ball! Woohooo!!
Damn, that thing stinks somthing fierce! Put it away already!
Let’s cheer the right-wing smear machine!
Gimme a D! Gimme an I! Gimme an S! Gimme an S! Gimme an E! Gimme an N! Gimme a T! Gimme an E! Gimme an R! What’s that spell? FREEDOM-HATER! YAY!!!
No, YOU fucking think about it.
I say, “fucking think about it,” and you gotta say, “No, YOU fucking think about it”? How childish.
A Very Quick One: Why would you feed a 700 pound relative 20 pieces of chicken?
Hey, alligators gotta eat too.
Discworld Reading club 6: Wyrd Sisters
This is what happens when you cross Twisted Sister with the Pointer Sisters.
"One Week" question
What do you call 7 consecutive days?
Creeped out by being pregnant? Is that normal?
Yeah, if you’re a guy on the Nostromo.
Moo!: Questions about breastfeeding
I wouldn’t recommend breastfeeding a cow.
Room entry/exit tracking systems (for want of a sexier title)
Mud or wet paint on the floor work well.
Worst places to meet women
Calvin’s treehouse.
Adults, how much do you use your imagination?
Never.
What do you all know about getting a Masters degree online?
I’ll send you one for only $50.
Car breakdown on a road trip
What do you expect when you tell your sedan you’ve been seeing a roadster on the side?
Why Johnny Can’t Emote
He didn’t listen to his mom, and his face really did get stuck that way.
My manager assigned the worst person making the schedule
Pol Pot?
I’d like a magic pill, please
Well, you could take the blue pill, and your life will continue to suck in a mundane way. Or you could take the red pill, and your life will start sucking in a completely different and incomprehensible way.
My reign of terror. Or, Viva SMASH!
Viva: Bride of Og
I drove my Mini Cooper through 4" of water
…and it was completely submerged.
How many names does God have?
Does he have so many even He can’t say them all?
What are some other wacky military ideas that never made it?
Pogo stick jousting never really caught on.
Getting credit card for 18 year old
Losing shirt off back because of 18 year old
Should Lobbyists be allowed to, well, lobby?
Only in the lobby.
So dose civilization improved the quality of human life?
It doesn’t seem to have improved the quality of grammar.
** Why can’t we kill Pat Robertson?**
Have you tried silver? Holy wafers?
Drinking Games
Monopoly has a wonderful bouquet, but you can’t beat Mousetrap for mouthfeel.
Take the Basic Physics Quiz.
a) must come down.
b) none of the above.
**Difference between Hiroshima nukes and nukes today? **
The ones today haven’t been exploded.
**proper name for these hats? **
Hats.
**Why did the Soviet Union collapse? **
It drank too much vodka
**Where are all the giant robots? **
Right here. Where are you?
New questions in GQ:
**Why not jack up New Orleans? **
Aren’t the looters already doing that?
**In a nutshell, why are gas prices so high? **
Do you know how hard it is to squirt gas into a nutshell without spilling it?
**Would it be illegal to use counterfeit money in a strip club? **
You can only use it for the strippers with counterfeit boobs.
**Does taking antidepressants prevent you from going into the military? **
Er… Not going into the registration office to sign up is what prevents you from going into the military.