How do you know if you have two elephants in your refrigerator?
Two sets of footprints in the butter
I don’t get the middle one. Is that one of those “jokes that aren’t jokes?” or am I dense?
My favorite joke of all time:
Did you head about the two radio antennas who got married? The wedding was ok, but the reception was great!
What’s black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Gorilla.
Gorilla who?
You’re the gorilla my dreams.
Did you hear about the thieves who stole a calendar?
They each got 6 months.
How does Snoop like his steaks?
Ta’ sizzle.
A: What’s the difference between an elephant and a jar of instant coffee?
B: I don’t know.
A: I’m not going to send you grocery shopping, then.
How do you know if there’s* five* elephants in your refrigerator?
Pink mini-minor parked out the front
I love this. I first read it in Boys Life back in about 1961 or 62.
I think all three are anti-jokes. I know the traditional, actual-joke punchline to the middle one is “Because she threw out all the W’s”.
What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
I don’t know, what?
So you’re the one!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ya.
Ya who?
Wow, you’re sure excited to see me!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I am.
I am who?
If you don’t know, how do you expect me to?
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don’t. You get down off a duck.
Q: What’s brown and comes out of the back of Cowes?
[spoiler]A: The Port Phillip ferry
Ok, it’s now called the Westernport ferry, and it’s probably not brown any more. But I was young once 
[/spoiler]
Q: Why is the sky so high?
A: So birds don’t bump their heads.
Q: What word has three syllables but only one letter?
A:“Envelope”
Why do girls like guys who have eight buttons on their shirt?
Because they fasten eight. (fascinate)
And here’s a joke I made up:
Why does Snoop Dogg like Montreal?
Because there’s lots of pot holes.
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tip-toed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: “Jesus is watching you!”
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. “Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: “Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?”
“Yes”, said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: “What’s your name?”
“Clarence,” said the bird.
“That’s a dumb name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot named you Clarence?”
The parrot says, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus.”
I once built a wooden car. It had a wooden body, wooden engine, and wooden go.
What’s neurotic and lives on Mars?
Woody Alien
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
fsh
Little Johnny is staring out the window at school. Annoyed, the teacher asks, “What are you looking at, Johnny?”
“I’m lookin’ at the boids.”
“They’re not “boids”, they’re birds.”
“Well, they choips like boids.”
Who came into the bar after the 16 grams of sodium?
Batman (Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN)