I simply must put my two cents in. That liquid diet powder, what is it, Slim-Fast? Chocolate flavor. After about a week, I knew what it was like to be jet-propelled.
Two things do it for me:[list=1][li]Dry-roasted, unsalted peanuts (DRUP),[/li]
and
[li]Pickled eggs.[/list=1]I discovered the noisesome effects of DRUP one day when I was riding in the back of a friend’s sports car. We had (fortunately) just pulled into a parking space outside a restaurant. I silently relieved a little pressure, but to my surprise, I involuntarily found myself pushing my companions out of the way in my hurry to exit (they were leaving in a hurry, too, but my reflexes were better – besides, I was closer to the epicenter). It’s a good thing we had already parked, because I believe we still would have exited the car in a hurry if we’d been travelling down the freeway at 70 MPH in heavy traffic.[/li]
At first, the driver & front-seat passenger were convinced the catalytic converter had caught fire, but could find no evidence of this. I confessed, and was made to promise never to eat DRUP again. We spent more than 2 hours at the restaurant in question. Although we’d left the windows down the whole time we were inside, we still waited about 20 minutes before anyone was brave enough to reenter the car.
I’m pretty sure my hair used to be straight before that particular escapade.
~~Baloo
That guy came from a family of bad-asses (in more ways than one). I think all the family’s boys were all-county football players and state-ranked wrestlers. And in civilian life they were even more hazardous to cross. Stabbing the guy would’ve just pissed him off.
Spicy foods and sauces cause the worst farts. They burn.
Jumbalaya
This vile if heavenly concoction is responsible for some of the worst types of chemical warfare dealt from the human body. My cousin Chad would eat it with a damn whole bottle of tabasco and could inflate a freaking sleeping bag with it.
Funny story on this, my lil brother once pissed him off while we were camping and Chad stuffed him in his sleeping bag he was currently in, turned around, put the opening to his ass and blew a freaking solid tuba F, 8 second, baritone fart into the opening, then tied it closed. My brother who was 12 at the time, cried like a girl and was absolutely gassed into near unconsciouness. I swear I felt sorry for the poor bastard but his high girlish proclamations of “OH JESUS KERRIST ITS BURNING MY EYES OUT” got me screaming laughter. I pulled him out and jesus did he stink! My mother made me go to a nearby store and get 6 big tomato juice cans and made him bathe in the lake, it was that bad.
I still get the giggles today.
Acidopholous. It’s not a food, but a kind of supplement that people are often advised to take when they’re on antibiotics. The theory is that antibiotics destroy the lactobacilli in your gut (bad thing), so you replace them with the few hundred million new bacilli in an Acidopholous pill (good thing).
Well, the flatulant effect of having double or triple the normal amount of lactobacilli in your gut has to be experienced to be believed. After just one experiment with a double dose, my nearest and dearest have banned me from taking acidopholous, on pain of pain, for the rest of my life. :rolleyes:
Indeed nasty by itself but when combined with pickled eggs and garlic ring bologna the consequences can be truly tragic. A tasty treat but I must be sure that I won’t be around anyone for about two days when I partake of this combination.
otherwise
Taco Bell and the dog are a dangerous combination that has been banned from our household!!!
Just try to be in the same building as me, after I’ve eaten a large handful of cashews!:o
This has got to be one of the funniest topics I’ve ever read here (and I’ve lurked for some time).
Hilarious.
As I harken back to the period of my life in which my farts were lethal enough to offend my distant hiking companions in the great outdoors, my diet consisted of lots of eggs, peanut butter toast, cheese toast, Lentils & rice, lots of beer, some, but not alot of mexican food, lots of pasta, cereal and milk.
I don’t fart any less now, they’re just not as otherworldly. Maybe it had something to do with all that grain.
Pour moi…
a) Arby’s roast beef sandwiches and their bar-b-que sauce
b) Stove-top stuffing
Both the above may simply be because I don’t normally each fast food and so Arby’s was new to my tummy - same with Stove-top. I didn’t even know that mom’s existed who didn’t make home made stuffing on Thanksgiving!
Tibs
I think sauerkraut makes the worst by far.
But I love Ruebens, so watch out! 
Anything with sulfur in it will make my farts smell bad.
I always knew eggs had sulfur in them, but I was kinda surprised by the amount of smelliness that ordinary String Cheese imparted to my flatulence. Who’s the wise guy who put all that sulfur in cheese, anyway?!
Egg drop soup.
I’ve got no FREAKING clue about why it does that to me. Hell I don’t even like egg drop soup.
But my lord, it’s like my rectum was magically transformed into a 12 gauge shotgun… I get force, volume, sound and this clingy lingering smell.
Did I mention I HATE egg drop soup?
Christ, how embarrassing!!
This thread was just opened up again so I read through it and when I got to my own post, I thought, “Hm…yeah, Arby’s does that to me, too…so does Stove Top Stuffing! Ohhhh, they put “mom’s” instead of “moms”…” D’oh! It’s my own freakin’ post.
Shoot me now.
Tibs.
<locks and loads>
And particular preference where the kill shot is?
My bruchetta farts turn Berber into Cut Pile.
Burger King Onion Rings…
when I eat them, those around me question the existence of a just and loving God, who would permit such obscenity to be loosed upon the world.
Labatt’s Blue - Canadian beer.
Holy stink.
Labatt’s Blue - A Canadian beer which produces unholy, mind-lacerating flatulence, but only when consumed in mass quantities.
Can one consume less than mass quantities of beer?
I think not.