Whoops. I blame the lunchtime lag.
::awaiting my beating::
Spinach, in any form.
You know it’s bad when you make yourself gag.
These sounded like real doozies…
Dried pinto beans (cooked, of course) and cabbage in combination. I discovered this quite by accident. I farted every time I moved for like two days! I’m getting gas just thinking about it…
My friend Maria’s Dominican Republic-style chili. I don’t know what she and her crazy boyfriend lace it with, but the farts it creates consistently cauterize my butthole. I’ve actually stopped eating her chili for that reason. It’s simply too painful.
There are these new chocolate-covered granola bars (not kudos, they’re wider and shorter) and I had a few because they were on sale. Not only were they noxious, but there were a lot. Quality and quantity. All I had to do was douse them in habanero sauce, that way they would’ve burned too.
Home-made soymilk or tofu.
God alone knows what secret technology they use to remove the snappers from the commercial product, but mein gott, I had to stop makin’ that stuff. Okay in moderation (for a lighter alfredo sauce, for example,) but there’s a threshold past which you become the most antisocial creature on the planet. Think WWI, when the mustard-gas begins to waft across the trenches. Jaysus.
Oh, and egg-and-onion sandwiches. Of course.
The worst farts I’ve ever done in my whole life would have to be the time I went on a semi-health kick and ate only nuts [almonds, walnut, macadamia and some others], drank only fresh juice and apple cidar for about a week.
Well Holy SCHNIT! These farts were so putrid, the cat turned it’s nose up at me, and even I had to leave the room. My dad could smell them from all the way across the house!
I was so proud wipes tear
Oh my gosh, rotflmao!!!
The worst farts, hands down, are produced by Polish food!! Mr. c4c and I were in Buffalo visiting his family about 6 months after we were married, and we stopped in a little restaurant right by the Broadway Market. He had kielbasa, kapusta, and pierogis. That night he was kicked out of the living room as we were all at his sister’s house–the toxic quality of his emissions was unreal.
Plus, ever since we’ve been married, we have our Easter meals Polish style. That means kielbasa, rye bread, kapusta, etc., and we always have friends over to share with us. We have to warn them to take it easy–especially before church–because we don’t want them to be stunned by the end results. Invariably someone ignores us, and we then get to giggle all during church.
A third vote for BK onion rings.
They’re so bad in me that I wrote a thread about it. I’d link it, but the search is so slow just now I gave up.
I linked it above.
lieu
You’re good like that, lieu. 
Tibs
Unfortunatly, it seems like EVERYTHING makes me fart…
Although, a SouthWest-like sub from Subway will create a fart so horridly putrid that even /I/ consider it foul…
(Normally, I think my farts smell GOOOOD! ehehehh)
Apparently, chickpea and spinach curry will give me flatulence of a kind I like to call “tremblers”. Trying to acclimate myself to a diet of curry (I’m going to be stationed in Sril Lanka next year), I’ve been making and eating various curries over the last month. The spinach annd chickpea was the kicker.
Imagine, if you will, long, tremulous farts of high volume and low odor. Now have then drawn out and in a tremolo, so as to wobble side to side like a spinster’s singing.
I suppose the celery sticks didn’t help either.
Whenever I eat enough salmon (~1 lb.), mine will smell like dead fish. Think Lake Michigan in summer.
Do I really want to share this?
One night before my fiance decided to become vegetarian, we had KFC for dinner.
I usually go to bed earlier than he. 4 hours after I go to bed, he comes to bed and yells “WHATTHEHELLISTHATSMELL” gag gag I wake up and SMELL KFC. Hmm, I don’t remember bringing chicken to bed with me. Oh my!!!
Needless to say, I’m banned from KFC boohoo
I had a pizza last week that did me no good at all. The farts smelt like burnt egg, and lasted for a day and a half. The night of the pizza itself, things got to the point where I had to get out of bed if I felt a fart coming on and go and fart in the bathroom. I’m not usually so polite, but I couldn’t bear to torture my man with them any longer. He appeared to be in a great deal of pain, poor chap.
Thanks lieu. That thread makes me laugh until I wheeze and cry, every time.
I have to share this. (Yes I am a sadistic bastard lol)
About 8 years ago I was in bed with my GF, I had eaten some homemade beef, bacon, ham and bean soup about 7 hours before.
We were laying there I was semi asleep she was totally asleep, and I had a floor fan blowing across us. I let out a loud moose roaring butt slapper. She in her sleep mumbles “oh fk" then not two seconds later wakes up screaming and gagging out "OH F*******KKKKK!!!” and runs to the bathroom throwing up. I bust my ass giggling and when she came back in I asked in a fake innocent tone “What’s wrong honey?”
Yes a sound beating with a pillow was given for that one LOL.
Fast forward to a couple of years ago…
I was going through chemotherapy for cancer. I wasn’t feeling the best, I was having a bad day, so all I felt like eating was cream of chicken soup. I washed it down with a glass of iced coffee. Now I had best explain, I am not even slightly lactose intollerant, and the combo of all that milk, chicken and the chemo produced a stank that went from my butt down the hallway, into my room mate’s bedroom, making her scream, gag and run, and my two dogs to puke and run outside whimpering. I wanted an instant divorce from my ass in that moment, and it kept up every 30 mins or so for two days.
I was both proud and horrified at the same time. So believe me chemo farts have any food fart beat hands down lol.
…the undead.
Zombie farts lingering around over a dozen years later. Oh my!