I’m just glad there were no questions about auto-erotic amputation, rubber gimp suit fetishes, or sex with sock puppets, or I would have really scored low.
Oh shit. That was my out loud voice, wasn’t it?
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
What made my score so low? Well, let’s see…
The ones I answered no to involved drugs, incest, necrophilia, and animals. Everything else, I pretty much have covered. I don’t use drugs, and never have, so if you remove that section, my score comes out something like 36%. On that basis, it may look like I really get around, but I don’t. I can count the sexual partners I’ve had in my life on the fingers of one hand (orgies are another big “no” category for me). But, boy, did we ever cover a lot of ground.
In short, if there is any sexual act that two living human beings who are not related can do with each other, I have probably done it. Several times, likely as not. In fact, I’ve even done a few things that aren’t on the 500 list. If you really want to know, I’ll tell you what they are.
Incidentally, I know someone who claims to have a purity score of 1%. I have no idea how he accomplished that, and I’m not going to ask.
76% pure
Only Kat, John and Ivory Soap out-pured me, for Nebu’s sake. Now if they had asked questions about pagan ritual…
…at night, the ice weasels come…
Felching?
>^,^<
KITTEN
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Wow. Some pretty high scores out there. Cecil is doing his part to stamp out ignorance. But there seems not to be a coordinated effort to stamp out purity. Let’s change that.
I’m pleased to announce that the First Annual Straight Dope Message Board Purity Elimination Conference will take place at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas, NV from Oct. 20 to Oct. 23, inclusive. Depending on participation, we will have seminars designed to lower purity scores in the area of sexual experience, ethics, alcoholism, firearm misuse and tax evasion. Please keep in mind that you can attend either the alcoholism class or the firearms class, but not both.
Prospective attendees please email me directly. Prospective instructors please post here and let the TM evaluate your qualifications. Prospective partners for my exclusive seminar on the safe use of restraints, get on your knees and beg. 
Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine
Manhattan - LOL! - Since my birthday falls during the conference, can I be in your private seminar?
I took the 500 question test (is that thing too fucking long or what?) and I’m ashamed to admit that I scored a 46%. I’m gonna stick with my other score. At least it was lower.
I would like to apply for an instructor position (I know many).
What qualifications are you looking for?
>^,^<
KITTEN
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Diane asked, “Felching?”
Yes, but only with my long term monogomous lover after we had both been tested numerous times.
Sqrl
okay…blushing mildly
what is felching?
We have the subject of our first seminar!
Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine
Trish, I’ll answer you in private.
Hugs and Kisses (well you may not kiss me now.)
Sqrl
Move over Satan. Now there’s something meatier. http://smallwonder.simplenet.com/COC.html
WARNING - THIS IS GROSS
:::Stepping up to the podium:::
Felching is first completing the act of anal sex without the use of a condom, then the “giver” uses a straw to slurp the. . . ummmm. . . . deposit from the “givees” butt. The person with the straw and a mouthful of. . . . deposit, then tongue kisses the other person sharing the - deposit/poop/slobber.
Sorry - I warned you it was sick.
Just to be perfectly clear, I have NEVER EVER EVER EVER done this, nor do I want to.
I have my limits.
>^,^<
KITTEN
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
uh…okay. Too much for even me.
Diane, yeah yeah we have heard it all before. warning the rest is graphic
Well, since Diane was so kind to give us her example. You normally don’t use a straw. If your tongue is long enough what need is there for it. Also, if you have anal sex properly there will be no poop. The second half of what you said i.e. “…then tongue kisses the other person sharing the - deposit/poop/slobber…” is commonly refferred to as snowballing. You can felch without snowballing and like I said before you can do it without getting any poop. There are precautions that you should take when you have anal sex, especially if it is unprotected. The precautions basically keep you and your partner clean (i.e. no poop). 1) don’t eat a heavy meal 2) use an enema or evacuate yourself completely a few hours before said incident 3) take a shower, stinky and 4) learn to control your abdominal muscles. You can tell when it will be messy on either end.
FYI
Sqrl
I was afraid someone was going to answer that.
“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart
i was only 43% pure, could some of the dirtier girls come over and give me some pointers?
I think after the felching description all our purity scores have fallen.
At least all of us who have not done so.
Jeffery
63% pure.
And suddenly wondering whether it was a good idea to take that test while at work.
:::Hands held high up in front of her. . . . slowly backing off the podium, making room for Sqrl:::
Sqrl - Take it away, it’s all yours.
>^,^<
KITTEN
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Nope, no felching here. I second that motion. Take it away, Sqrl. For the first time in recent memory, someone has made me blush.
Talk about hijacking a thread…
Modest? You bet I’m modest! I am the queen of modesty!