Juve, are you under the mistaken impression you have accumulated enough life experiences to be fit to criticize me? No, I am exemplary in person. She gets back rubs, bedtime stories, tea, sympathy and never a word of begging or complaint. This is the place I come to vent, and you want to call it “whining”? I’ve heard about you carping about me behind my back before now, and I’m glad you’ve chosen to come out and attack me in person. If you think you’ve got the stones for it, you stupid little child, then bring it on.
If you just wanted to complain about your own sex life (and weren’t posting to let the OP know you understand how she feels), why didn’t you start your own thread? Maybe I’m weird, but I like my Pit threads to stay on topic.
But I’d be up for a showdown between you two, But, again, in it’s own thread.
It kind of sounds like you’re accusing the OP of the same thing, though. Your response, from my interpretation at least, sounded like you were saying she didn’t have any real right to complain because you have things worse. Using that kind of logic, no one gets to gripe about injuries around here because Santo Rugger is in a semi-comatose state.
I wasn’t just complaining about my own sex life - but I did think it was valid, in a thread like this, to point out that the OP should consider calling the waaaahmbulance, on the grounds that at least one person hereabouts has it worse.
As for Pit threads staying on topic, I believe that rule is more honoured in the breach than the observance. 
I accept the rationale of your argument, and yet I still think that a thread titled OMG I Broke A Nail! might see a certain amount of one-upping, no? And a crucial difference is that I offered perspective for the OP’s consideration - instead of trying to shut her down by accusing her of “whining” with no further argument.
Malacandra, you are whining, and being bitter. I have called you on this before but you get into EVERY relationship thread to hijack it with your “woe is me” shtick and frankly, I’m sick of it. Are you going to tell me I don’t have enough life experience to talk to you too? Is this the equivalant of “Get off my lawn”?
You were just complaining, and telling her to suck it up. If you can’t find any valid advice to fix your own life so be it, but the OP is trying to find something that will help.
We share some mutual friends, so I’ve agreed with them when they’ve bitched about you – want to guess what they were always complaining about? – but I don’t actually care about you or your relationship, and would gladly be ignorant of both if you’d just shut the fuck up about it or keep it limited to your own OPs instead of hijacking other people’s threads to complain, or whine.
If you choose to take this as an affront to your masculinity, and you want to show how big your e-dick is by flaming me to a crisp or whatever it is that internet tough guys do, then so be it. It still doesn’t change the fact that you’re a bitter old man, and you poison every relationship thread you post in.
Same problem here. I get horny pretty much from noon onwards. The wifey is at her peak-of-horn first thing in the morning.
I can have sex in the morning, but I… …can never ever come in the morning, for some strange reason. You could have all the girls in the Christmas number of Playboy fellating me at once and my penis would just sit there, hard but unresponsive. It’s the sexual equivalent of dry heaving. :mad: …so we can only have all-party-satisfying sex in the evening, when she’s rarely up for it.
Maybe your husband wanted to wear the fuck-me’s.
No, I don’t think about it. EVER!
You were, dear. You always are. Any time anyone around here suggests that women actually seek out and enjoy sex, you show up to insist it just ain’t so. If anyone needs the waaaaaaaaahmbulance, it’s you, for so consistently taking offense at the idea that most women do not conform to your experience, and the corresponding implication that you were never doomed, you just chose badly.
Our daughter was a teenager when she walked in once without knocking. She fled, horrified, to her room, while I giggled and Ivylad curled up in an embarrassed ball. I put on my robe and went to go talk to her. She seemed to think married people have sex only when they want a baby.
I set her straight, and she’s knocked ever since.
As I was in the process of ending a dry spell after the end of my last LTR, my daughter, who was sixteen at the time, and supposed to be away for the weekend, came home and walked in on us. She ran out like the house was on fire. I, of course, felt compelled to go after her. He, bless his heart, was good-humored about the whole thing, but it was not an excellent reintroduction to the world of sex-with-guys-who-aren’t-Jack.
We made up for it later, though. And on the plus side, my daughter learned a valuable lesson about knocking.
You know what’s really not sexy? The memory of a guy acting like you wanting to have sex with him is a fate worse than death, something to be dreaded. It has a tendency to not only stop those horribly unsexy offers, it tends to reduce the odds any of your offers will be accepted.
I mean, I understand being so out of the mood that you’re totally averse to anything–at one point when I was simultaneously in a depressive period and having some serious hormonal issues, the very thought of having sex was enough to make me throw up a little in the back of my mouth. But even then I don’t remember dreading my husband’s hints that he’d like to get busy later any more than any other come-ons.
You guys, I would have loved to walk in on my parents sexin’ it up. I kid you not, since the time of my earliest memory, they slept with the door open Every. Single. Night. I don’t know when, if ever they had sex - maybe when I was away at camp or something! What kind of example is that to show your kid?!
No wonder my parents were so bitter. :smack:
I sometimes caught the audio, but NOT the video. It was so weird because I never saw them hugging or kissing or being all demonstrative in public.
Threads like this make me glad my parents separated when I was 6.
I have hesitated to get involved in this thread, but now that I am -
Something about saying that planned sex is icky really gets my goat. It’s not so much that I have it on my schedule, “Evenings, 11:30 - jump on bones.” It’s just that in a busy life, things are always sliding up and down the priority scale. Sex, just like everything else, needs to be made a priority. And sometimes that means a mental thought - “Hmm, it’s been a couple of days…” And it needs to be both people on top of it (pun intended). Well, one person can instigate more often, if they’re OK with it, but the other should try to be receptive.
It’s about fitting in your schedule with 1000 other things you want to do right now. If we jumped on each other every day over cutting the veggies we’d never get anything done. Neither do we plan it down to the moment or anything.
Also, if one member of the relationship is more laid-back, then the other by default needs to be a little more aggressive. The aggressive partner can ask for a change but there’s only so much that will be changed, to meet in the middle. The laid-back partner, if they expect to not be the ones asking, needs to be saying “yes” often - or else the aggressive partner ceases asking, and then nothing gets done.
No one should have sex when they don’t want to. But when you have a good healthy relationship and you want to keep that relationship it behooves you to have a decent reason to say no, and not just get into the habit of saying it. You should be saying “yes” more often than “no”. If you feign an excuse to avoid sex, then I think maybe you should be examining why you are avoiding sex in the first place. Maybe you’re not happy? If so, fix it! No one is responsible for your happiness but you.
I got off topic there - I really meant to discuss the issue of spontaneity in a LTR. Do you think after 13 years there is no spontaneity left in our relationship? Not true - but then neither is it jumping-bones time every time. Sometimes if one of us is in the mood and the other is not then one tries to get the other person in the mood, and the other person allows themselves to be receptive.
This does not apply to people like Malacandra. Malacandra, your relationship is dysfunctional at best, if it’s accurately the way you say. I don’t know, we don’t hear her side. But you guys seem to have a total lack of real communication in your marriage. This applies to relationships that aspire to be healthy. Relationships are give and take.
And whew! That’s my two cents. You can sum it up to: planned sex is not necessarily a bad thing!
Agree with eleanorrigby and Catfight, I think it was, who said that stereotypes about men being horny 100% of the time really don’t help in these cases. It means women not only feel pissed off when they can’t get any, they may feel hurt, confused, and/or self-pitying.
I caught myself feeling resentful in this situation and frankly that is not a healthy thing to feel, as it can lead to dickish, manipulative behaviour. Thankfully other half was only not into it because he was fast asleep, and didn’t witness my self-pity.
I’m not saying the OP is being a dick, though.
If she was, she could fuck herself, and this thread would not be necessary.
Do you think the problem could be, maybe, tiredness? For about a year I had to be at work at 8 am after a long commute, and stayed until 8 PM. I don’t remember much about that time, but I doubt our sex life was all that good. (I’m a computer scientist, and we like to stay up all night and sleep till noon.) Perhaps he’s too tired. Perhaps he’s sleep deprived. One characteristic of this is refusing to admit it.