Almost all my female friends make this complaint.
I don’t get it.
If my wife wanted it from me she gets it. She hardly ever wants it, of course, unless she’s had a few drinks, but…
Yeah. Boggles my mind, how these women all ended up with guys that aren’t doing their thing, and I have (TWICE) gotten married to someone with MUCH less libido than I.
Where did I err? The cutting wit, the oozing sarcasm, or not being old?
Ding ding ding ding!!! This is it. Well, maybe not, but it happens more than you might think. Gays/lesbians get married and have kids all the time. Let’s just say if it weren’t so, I wouldn’t exist. If that’s not it, I’m guessing he’s still sore about the affair.
My advice (and flame away): Have another affair. A sex one, not a love one. If you were childless, I’d say divorce him. But you’re not, so I won’t. Just learn to keep it to yourself this time. I can think of many examples of friends/family that have had affairs and it got them through the hard times. Granted, none of them were married yet, but it still paid off in the long run. IMO, this has been going on long enough. You two are all but divorced, so you might as well move on. Keep up pretenses for the kid’s sake, then get divorced when he’s older. Now I realize that it’s not for everyone, but if it improves your mood and therefore your relationship, go for it.
I hate high heels. If a woman wants me to fuck her that badly she should just ask.
And really, saying you’d like sex later is not a turn on?
Okay, since Frylock won’t come back, somebody else help me out here.
I understand something along the lines of, “You will present your equipment in working order and bring me to at least two orgasms before I will leave you alone and let you sleep” is a turn off. Got it. Would never even think such a thing. Where’s the fun in that?!?:dubious:
Around here, it works more like, “Hey, tonight, after the kiddo is sound asleep, do you think you could finish your work online so I could rub your back for half an hour and then maybe get busy?”
Not exactly Penthouse Forum material, but what I usually go with.
I appreciate being spontaneous and all, but we’re working around RL obligations. Not to mention the fact that we put the kiddo to bed at 7:30pm and hubby has to crash by 9:30pm because he gets up at 4:30am. I have a very limited window to hit, and if he still has a half hour of work to do on the laptop, I’m screwed. (Well, actually, not screwed. But you get the point)
Why not just lead hubby by the hand to your bedroom immediately after putting the little one to bed. Making sure of course to quickly flash him The Look and maybe The Touch and so on, while making your way to the bed.
Your approach sounds fine. And marital intimacy is a RL obligation too. He’s choosing not to make it (or you, more generally) a priority.
Wait a goddamn minute, I started I joking Pit thread a few months ago about how my wife won’t put out when I want her to and was asking about what kind of condoms I should use when I cheat on her, and I get flamed like you would not believe. A couple years ago I started a thread about sex or love, which is more important, and most responses indicated that love was way more important than sex. Now I see people advising a woman in a committed relationship, who has promised her partner that she would divorce him before she would ever cheat on him, to go fuck someone to improve her relationship. So if she follows this advise, in addition to feeling rejected by her husband she would also have to feel the guilt of being unfaithful to him. Not for the sex act, that could probably be forgiven ( I don’t know, I am not the OP) but for the deception of having the affair that she promised she would never have again. She has tools designed to take care of herself. I know it is not as much fun as a real live human being, but they are called marital aids for a reason.
My wife has a much lower sex drive than I do. There are somethings that she does not enjoy that I do in bed. Am I going to cheat on her to get what I want? No, I love her and thank og that there is porn on the internet to keep me from straying. We touch and cuddle and slap and tease, but we have come to learn to live with our differences.
Mom-of-Andrew, flirt with strangers to make yourself see that you are still attractive, and I bet you are. Take what your husband can give, and you shouldn’t have to do all the work. Twist the knob on the bottom of the pink fun stick, and be happy that you have the man you have.
SSG Schwartz
God threads like this scare me. Part of a romantic relationship, no matter how many years old, is having sex. Otherwise, you’re best (or not) friends who have build a life together, nothing more. Sex is the defining difference between a friend and a romantic partner. To stop having sex knowing your partner wants (needs, as far as I’m concerned) it and yet keep them trapped in a monogamous relationship is cruel, and, frankly, a bait and switch.
Personally, I feel that if one person in a relationship stops fulfilling one of the needs (sex or otherwise) of the other, knows it, and can’t/has no intention to/won’t change, they should let the other person get that need filled from someone else. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t, and I don’t understand how anyone else does. Love someone and knowingly make them unhappy? Does not compute.
Yeah, no one should be forced to have sex, sometimes people get sick and can’t for a while, other legitimate exemptions. I know. And if neither partner has a problem with no sex, yay for them. But it’s not like having sex is like drinking poison. Can most people honestly not get aroused and enjoy sex on a reasonable basis for the sake of their partner even if they wouldn’t be in the mood otherwise? It’s sex, for crying out loud. Who doesn’t like sex?
Gah.
(I’m female, by the way.)
I only have two piece of advice, take them if you wish:
Do not cheat. Your kid will be less forgiving than your husband.
Keep your computer logged off the Dope at all times, only log in to post.
Good luck.
That sounds great to me. Heck, I’d even enjoy the first one. And I’ve been married almost 14 years now. Even when my wife wants to have sex and I don’t (which almost never happens anyway), I still enjoy it because, hey, what’s more fun than giving the person you love an orgasm?
Yes, that is exactly what I and others in this thread have said.
For me, sex isn’t a road map - It doesn’t start at one point and end at another. If we aren’t pinching butts at the moment than discussing sex with my partner isn’t sexy. Being asked if I want to have sex later in the day by a person brushing their teeth in a damp towel isn’t an invitation, it is a board meeting. I don’t get aroused if sex is negotiated the same way we plan when to eat dinner.
It sounds like you two aren’t spending a whole lot of quality time together in the first place. If two people aren’t satisfying the friend part of their relationship than sex isn’t an act of intimacy, it is an act of relief. Perhaps your husband doesn’t want to be used like a dildo at ten PM. Start by asking if he’ll take a walk around the block with you. If you can’t get the unappreciative fucker to step away from Counterstrike long enough to go on a walk than don’t expect him to pop you a boner on command - Also you probably have bigger problems with your marriage than just sexual ones.
If you want things to change break your patterns. Bees has the right idea here - Flirt and tease when you have the opportunity. Don’t announce and schedule your desires, just act on them and don’t have any expectations. Slap his ass as he passes you in the hallway and keep walking the other direction. Also, be physical in non-sexual ways to rebuild that closeness - ruffle his hair while he pwns noobs in TF2. Your advances might not be immediately reciprocated, but they are the foundations of the intimacy you desire.
It isn’t fair that you have to do all the work, but often in a relationship people take turns carrying the burden when the other needs help. You two have developed a routine that you aren’t happy with, so in this case it is your turn to step up to the plate. If things work out than you two are back to a healthy and happy sex life. If you don’t try nothing will change.
I wish you two the best.
The OP actually made me laugh. I have little sympathy, for several reasons:
First, three inch heels are by no means “fuck me” pumps. I’ve seen sunday school teachers and grandmas in three inch heels.
Secondly, you’re probably fat and the internet has lots of tits for free.
Thirdly, and most importantly, it is sweet sweet revenge for the amount of time, effort, and money young men have to spend in order to sample the sweet treasures of womanhood unless said young man is either willing to settle for a hambeast, butterface, or attention whore, or unless the young man is improbably good looking and/or wealthy. (Ask yourself how often you wonder if a guy puts out on the first date; the only proper answer is “Mu!”)
Also, get divorced and don’t have any more kids. Your weaksauce rant/sympathy ploy endumbens us all.
Don’t hold back man, tell us what you really think.
Ouch, hope you guys can work through this. Sounds like it’s time for a Discussion.
It’s probably because you’re fat and the internet has lots of cocks for free.
I gotta say this is the first time I’ve ever come across the word “hambeast.” But it’s making me really hungry. I wish I had a ham-and-roast-beef sanguich with pickled peppers and Monterey John cheese, on Jew Rye.
Those guys speak the language of idiots who are getting enough.
I’d take costumes, no costumes, demands that it be now, demands that it be later, waking me up for it, anything. Don’t listen to them - this is not your fault. Your husband isn’t interested in sex - he’s the aberrant one.
Aww Mom-of-Andrew, I hear you and the sentiment with which the OP was written.
Ignore all the fucktards here who wish to criticize YOU. They’re the usual suspects who jump on any bandwagon in order to see their names in bright (messageboard) lights. :rolleyes:
You are allowed to vent your disappointment about the special evening. You’re allowed to whinge that your ‘fuck me’ shoes didn’t get the desired result. You’re more than welcome to come here and tell us that Dad-of-Andrew is not being as attentive as you would like. I dunno if I have any real advice, but I HEAR you, and wish you all the best, OK?
And if anybody else wants to tell you otherwise, tell 'em to fuck off.
Cheers
kam. 
I see what you did there.