Well, not exactly.
I had to blog about it.
http://middleagedjoker.com/lets-fix-this-junk-the-vasectomy/
Men who’ve had this, what should I expect? I’d like to go to the casino and play poker the day after (a sitting down thing) - is this realistic? The procedure is on Saturday and I took Monday as a work at home day; will that be enough? I have an office job.
Here’s the place I’m having it done; it’s apparently a less invasive procedure than it used to be.
Ah yes. Quite an elegant procedure.
In all seriousness, there have been so many threads here about the procedure that I think you would get a lot of benefit from just searching for “vasectomy” in thread titles and perusing the experiences many have shared here. Lots of good info.
More directly to your question, though, I believe I made it into a four-day weekend, with the procedure being on a Friday afternoon. Definitely a bit of soreness afterward, but nothing that should prevent you from returning to work on Tuesday.
As to playing poker the next day? I wouldn’t recommend it. You might be perfectly fine, but icing really does help with the soreness, and trying to surreptitiously (or not!) apply an ice pack at a poker table might not go over well with your fellow players. Just my opinion, though.
I had no problems with mine, other than leaving drops of blood in my shorts. I cured that problem by sticking a wash cloth in my underwear.
You’re getting an orchiectomy, not a vasectomy, if they’re removing your testicles. Vasectomy is just severing the vas deferens.
Have you decided if you want neuticles with that?
I had a vasectomy done around 2009.
There was some discomfort during the procedure, mostly from the tugging on the vas to get it where he could make a good cut. It didn’t really hurt, but it certainly wasn’t pleasant. Afterward there was some pain but it wasn’t in the scrotum, more the lower belly / groin area. Ice really does help, I used bags of frozen peas because they conform the way you need. Be sure to follow post-surgery advice re: keeping the incision clean, showering, and the like. Honestly the worst part for me was having to wear tighty whities for a couple weeks. Hate those fucking things.
Actually, the worst part was near the end of the procedure and the doc was cauterizing the ends of the vas. I remember looking down and seeing—and smelling—smoke. I realized that I was looking at smoke coming from a hole in my junk. Damn near freaked out right there.
Recovery was a couple of days. I remember the most difficult part was going up and down stairs. As long as I wasn’t moving much for the first 48 hours or so I was fine. After that I was back to normal. I would strongly recommend postponing your poker game. Tuesday in the office should be ok as long as you take it easy. Remember most of your movements will be slow for a few days.
Make sure you follow your doc’s schedule about providing samples for analysis some months down the road to ensure sterility. I know someone who paid out of pocket for a vasectomy and then never went back to the lab. As far as I know he hasn’t knocked up anyone else since then, but it seems like a boneheaded thing to do.
Finally, they do fail. An acquaintance of mine had one done around the same time I did. His wife found out she was pregnant right after this past Christmas; the baby is actually due in a week or two. I have no real reason to think the baby isn’t his, although I remember the doc telling me there is a small chance of failure and of those that do it usually happens shortly after the procedure. So it does happen. But so do most other forms of birth control.
Without a doubt the pre-surgery anxiety was far worse than the surgery itself.
You may or may not consider yourself lucky if your doctor has a sense of humor. When I was all prepped for the procedure, anaesthetized [insert “Numbnuts” joke here], and ready to go, the doc walked in, guided by his assistant, wearing dark sunglasses and poking around with a blind person’s cane.
I had an easy time with it. I spent the rest of the day reading in bed with my crotch under an ice pack but that was it. I was up and around the next day. I did not do what my brother-in-law did, which was to try to mow the lawn the next day. His incision re-opened and he had to go back to get fixed up.
The movie version of the post-procedure sample collection is all wrong, much to my disappointment. I thought that being made to go into a private room and watch porn was part of the deal? But no, they just sent me home with a plastic cup and told me to come back in ten days. They said I should call first and let them know I’d be… uhhh, coming (HA!), just to make sure there was someone there that day who could analyze my sample. I ended up calling them and telling them what I was about to do many, many times, and plan to again after the restraining order expires.
I was up and running (well, hobbling) that day and didn’t have any real issues sitting or laying down. But my actual full recovery seemed to take a bit longer than others reported; I was sore for probably two weeks afterward. Not crippling pain and it didn’t stop me from getting around, just more wincing than usual when sitting or getting up. The area was pretty bruised looking during that time. Still, I can’t pretend it was any great struggle.
I had to do mine at the hospital (the urologist had an office adjacent to the hospital and was part of their system) which was fun. I was sent to a small bathroom which, comically, had a Thomas the Tank Engine sticker on the wall. Boy, did they get MY fetish wrong 
I suppose these days anyone can find appropriate aid material on their phone if that’s what they need.
Also, when I was signing in, the girl at the desk asked for my religion. I told her Catholic but, if I needed Last Rites after this, something had gone terribly wrong.
As I was sitting in the waiting room, I was so worried I’d pop a nervous boner between there and the table that having a boner was all I could think about. I knew he (or a nurse) would handle my johnson to tape it down, and I just had this image in my head that I’d suddenly “come to life” and rip the tape off like some one-eyed purple hulk. I kept praying for a big, ugly nurse with a hairy mole on her chin. When things got going, my terror prevented any unexpected schwings
Then, while it was happening, the doc was trying to engage me in casual conversation, and asked what I did for a living. I told him I worked for a public sector union, then he proceeded to talk about how libertarian he was and tried to get me into a political discussion on Barack Obama, liberalism and unions. Didn’t really want to have a heated political debate while this dude had a knife to my nuts. So I said, “How 'bout them Tigers?”
During the procedure: aside from aching and uncomfortable tugs that the numbing agent couldn’t fully mask, everything was fine. Afterward, it felt a bit like a kick to the nuts for the next few days.
Probably the most uncomfortable post-procedure moment came when I brought my sperm sample into the lab a few weeks later. The lab was about four blocks from my house, so after I nutted into the cup, I was able to make it there while it was supremely fresh. As I walked into the lab, I realized I was still completely flushed and sweaty, had a (what seemed to me) strong aroma of Ponds cold cream wafting about me, and when the reception nurse asked what type of sample I was bringing in, I nervously looked around the small, yet completely full and oddly quiet, waiting room at all the old ladies and moms with kids, and mumbled “Sperm.” I think I walked out more red than I walked in.
I never went back and gave them a sample. I’m the trusting sort I guess. Given that my current wife has also been “fixed” and is also past the childbearing age in any event, I don’t need to go back now and have the testing done.
Are you really sure you want to go there? Personally, I have a hard (heh) & fast rule that no touches my junk if the first three letters of their website spell out S - O - S! :eek:
I was leary about going to a doc whose name was “Nutting.” No joke.
If your results are anything like mine, you’ll have some insanely colorful balls for a week or so - starting dark blue then fading through various purples, greens and yellows - like some blind chameleon just leisurely cycling through the rainbow.
[sub]Now there’s a ponderable - would a blind chameleon turn colors randomly or just be permanently black?[/sub]
There’s a greater risk of failure if one’s ever had a testicular torsion; a friend’s husband ran into that. They spent several hundred dollars out of pocket and it was for naught due to his prior surgery for torsion.
I had mine done in January at Michael Garron Hospital (the new name for Toronto East General). I took a couple of Tylenol after and threw out the Percocet script the doc wrote just in case. The worst part of the whole thing was the freezing going in before and taking the damn band-aid off my scrotum 48 hours later. I was “ready to go”’ wink wink nudge nudge after 5 days.
The worst part was getting into a joke exchange with my doc during the procedure.
He stopped after the first one and said that if I wanted to end the procedure there, we could but I would go through life being half-vassed. The pun war and sorry jokes then started, to the point where his nurse was laughing so hard that she was crying and the doc had to stop a couple of times because either he or I was laughing too hard.
Trust a urologist to have a ready supply of dick jokes.
Did he do the one about how “there is a vas deferens between having kids and not having them”?
Also: obligatory Family Guy clip.
I did mine on a Thursday afternoon. I took the Metro and a cab home. I got home just as te anesthetic was wearing off. I spent all evening in bed with frozen peas on my balls. I was able to go to lunch the next day, but getting out of the car was uncomfortable. I was fine to go to work on Monday.
I checked the pipes to make sure they still worked on Saturday. The blood in the ejaculated was disconcerting but I had been warned it was possible so I didn’t panic.
Did a quick survey of my friends during a night of drinking. Three of the 4 of us had to go back a second time. I highly recommend giving the sample!