I KNEW IT!! :mad:
Dear loser:
Welcome to dumpsville.
Population: you.
PS. I am gay.
It’s called toothpaste, give it a shot.
My friends all thought you were a guy anyway.
You know “our song?” Who the hell likes Michael Bolton?
I found someone willing to make my lifelong dream of being a bukake artist a reality.
I’m sorry, but you look too much like the brunette in 2girls1cup.
So what if you’re pregnant? Why is everything always about you?
I’ve put up with your incessant nagging, your refusal to have sex, your disgusting cooking, your expanding ass, and your freeloading family…but deleting my WoW account was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Sorry after we did that thing I’ve been bugging you for years to do, I feel I can not respect you anymore
If you looked like your sister maybe we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
Your mismatched tits are driving me insane.
I can fit my entire body through one leg of your jeans.
You didn’t let go of my Eggo.
Well, if you hadn’t gotten so damned fat… (after putting on 5lbs)
Can I still live here?
with Jane?(the new you, only thinner)
You’ve eaten all the Twizzlers for the last time.
It’s not you, it’s me. sniggle Nah, that’s bullshit, it was you.
Remember how we promised that if neither of us found anybody when we were 30, we’d marry? God, you’ve let yourself go.
It actually happened to me… my ex owed me money and wanted to live on my couch until he earned the money he owed me… it was messed up.
Huh. Having been on the receiving end of many of these comments, I concur.
Also:
“Let’s not tell anyone about this, because it would be really uncomfortable for me for everyone to know I broke up with you”
and
“Cool. Do you know of an STD clinic around here?”
It was the cats. Blame the cats.
A female friend of mine got a real winner of a breakup. The gist of the conversation was:
“I don’t want to see you any more, but the sex was great. Maybe we could still fuck once in a while.”
That’s surprisingly common.
Usually most people are a little more subtle, and don’t actually use the word “fuck” in the breakup conversation.
The facts that you’re pregnant and I’m leaving the state but I don’t know where yet so I can’t give you a forwarding address are entirely coincidental.
Everyone on Straight Dope said I should break up with you.
I can’t date you anymore because I’ve run out of rufies. I’m pretty sure you won’t like it when you start remembering the things I do when we go out.
(stolen shamelessly from Richard Pryor)
He I don’t need you. I’m gonna find some new pussy.
She If you had two more inches of dick, you’d find some new pussy here.
Also from Richard Pryor:
Man (crying in anguish): Okay, take the damn TV, just leave the pussy!