Honey, can you watch the kids? I need to run to the store for a second.
Now that I’ve learned our blood types don’t match, I have no further need of you nor your extra kidney.
I hate to do this after you learned about your brain tumor. If you survive, maybe we can get back together, but don’t wait for me…I really can’t stand bald chicks.
I’ve been drinking night and day since we broke up. No, I’m not sad, I’m trying to erase the memory of being with you at all.
I think it would be best for both of us if you kill yourself. Your life will be sheer hell without me.
“I’d like to see other species.”
Remember when we met, and I said you’ve got a body that just doesn’t quit? Now I realize your mouth doesn’t either.
When I said I’ve always wanted to see the world, I didn’t say “we.”
When I said I loved you, I was just trying to get into your pants. Apparently, it’s not a happy place.
When I said I’d give you the stars and the moon, who the hell said you could use my credit card?
When my friend told me “There’s no such thing as bad sex,” I didn’t realize how wrong he could be.
I thought vagina dentata was a myth.
You might want to think about investing in a good home waxing kit, at least for your neck and back. Probably your palms too.
And here’s the opposite:
A few years after graduation a colleague told me about a quasi-reunion with a steady girlfriend of a few years that he had broken off with. He had a way of seeing things more clearly than I did and this was his take on her offer.
<<Let’s not have a relationship again, but we can get together a lot to hang out. You can still spend money on me, and we should always go on dates that involve money, and you’ll always be the one to pay. But of course there will be no sex.>>
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that picture. :rolleyes:
I know I’ve told this before, but it sort of fits - how about having a “let’s break up temporarily” conversation?
A friend in college was very book-smart but not so good at social relationships. He told his girlfriend that he was going to study abroad for a (semester? year?), and to more fully learn about this other culture, of course he’d have to date women there, and of course sleep with them. So while he was gone, she could date/sleep with whoever, and he would do likewise, and then when he got back, of course she would drop whichever guy she was seeing at the time and they’d get back together again.
:smack:
Yeah, listen dude, I know some women might be up for that, but dropping this on her as a done deal… not the smartest thing ever.
Predictably, she broke up with him.
“Remember your cat? I hope you have pictures…”
“It’s not like I fucked a stranger! It was your mother, for chrissakes! That hardly counts!”
“Say, is that a Valtrex ad? You might want to take down that number.”
“Really? You thought I liked doing that with you?”
“You know what I’m going to miss most about you…your vagina.”
"You know, the truth is that I never did love you, I was only using you.
In fact, there were whole days I felt that I didn’t even LIKE you!"
- Jack
“You have outlived your usefulness!”
“Well, it’s like this Clarissa…I mean Cindy. No? Sarah?”
Well, that shoots a big hole in my budget now that I have to start figuring the cost of cheap hookers again.
You were lousy in the sack and hung like a piece of rice.
You lost that new car smell.
You’ve been made redundant. I’m bringing in a machine to do the job.
“We might be broken up but we’ll always be brother and sister”
“Each time I thought about us having this conversation, it made me cum. And for that, I am eternally grateful.”
“Can’t this discussion wait a few hours? Right now you’re fucking up a good ballgame on the TV.”
I actually said this one, but the deal was irrevocably headed for the rocks by then anyway.
“Well, you’re the one who said to show you I love you AND stop treating you like a hooker! Can you see my dilemma?”
From “True Blood.’ When Tara says : we have to talk”.
Franklyn responds" I hate it when a women says that. I go black and wake up the next day surrounded by body parts’
That will slow things down a little.
Can I have a letter of reference?