What do you mean we were separated at birth?
Do you mind if I check out Chris Rock’s Oscars opening?
When was the last time you opened this thing?
Oh, jeez… how often do you bathe, anyway?
Uh-oh, I left my wallet in my other pants.
Do you mind if I wear your pants afterwards?
That reminds me, I need to get my microscope calibrated.
Wake up!
This one was actually said to me while (against my protests) he attempted to have me perform an impossible feat:
"I read in Playboy that women can be trained to give oral as good as Linda Lovelace "
If those are your hands on my ass, then who is cupping my balls?
I’m not sure that promotion I promised is a sure thing.
Sooooo…smells like you had Arbys for lunch?
Just a minute and the ritual will be complete.
“Who do you think would win- Gandalf or Dumbledore?”
Hey, pull my finger.
“That’s not my finger.”
Is it supposed to wobble like that?
“Teletubbies is on!”
How come you never offer to dress like Tinky Winky anymore?
Are you sure you can get out of that position?