*Call young men “son” (“Excuse me son- can you tell me where the manager’s office is?”), which I’ve done
*Begin sentences to much younger people than I am with “When I was your age…” which I do constantly
*Tell whining entitled college students “You should try working your way through college full time and maintaining a 4.0 when the reading lists were twice that long, it’s a bitch but it can be done…”
*Snap fingers and give a yell at friend’s kids who drink from the carton
*Instinctively slide coasters under guest’s drinks
*Tell my skinny nephew “Damn boy! You look like you traded legs with a jaybird and through in your ass to boot” which I quickly followed with “as your grandmother would have said… she’s not here so I’ll carry on the legacy” and then try to force feed him
*Tell my even skinnier niece “That can’t be healthy- let me get you some pot roast and some potatoes” and argue when she continues eating her biscuit and jelly that she has to put on some weight (which she totally does)
*Begin sentences with “I never thought I’d see the day that…” or “What is the world coming to when…” over current events or prices (and often to total strangers in a shopping line- I lack only the flabby arms and curlers to be those old country women who used to annoy me when I was a kid)
“How would you like me to break off that arm and beat you with it?”
“I don’t care if you like it or not, just shut up about it.” (said to my grandson at dinner, I’m ashamed to say)
On the occasion last summer when I had a grandson stay with us for a few days in our motorhome. Big signs at the marina saying not to throw rocks. Grandson throwing rocks after being told twice to stop: “If you throw one more rock or even drop one in a fashion that I don’t like, I’m putting you on the next freight train that passes through heading north and telling them to kick you off in Minneapolis.”
“Well you see darling… the Tombliboos are going for a ride with Iggle Piggle in the Ninky Nonk, but they have to wait while Makka Pakka uses the Uff Uff attached to his Ogg Pogg to clean it before the Titifors sing and the Pontipines and Wottingers dance”
Children’s show called “In the Night Garden” - much along the same lines as the Teletubbies, except perhaps trippier - if that’s even humanly possible.
My almost-five year old daughter is borderline autistic with auditory processing issues. Conversations with her are like solving a puzzle sometimes.
This morning she was coughing and complaining her nose hurt.
I asked her why she thought it was hurting. She told told me there was candy in her nose.
Knowing we haven’t had candy in the house it was my job to figure out what was in her nose, whether it was candy or a small toy or just felt like candy. Sometimes she gives a real answer, other times she just repeats and says yes. Who, what and where questions rarely get a straight answer so I have to play detective.
So today I found myself asking,
"Do you have an M & M in your nose?
Yes.
"Do you have a toy in your nose?
Yes.
“Do you have an elephant in your nose?”
Yes.
:breaks out the flashlight and Q-tips in frustration:
Found out it was a huge green crusty chunk of snot. I guess it must have* felt *like a piece of candy up her nose.
Something that may not be clear to all North American viewers of In The Night Garden (which I love, as far as preschool entertainment goes) is that “Iggle Piggle” is a (further) corruption of standardized UK infantalism for “ickle pickle,” ultimately parsing as “Little Pickle.”
