How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't get down from an elephant. You get down from a duck.
These are all cute, but this one did make me lol. 
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No-eye deer
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no-eye deer.
What’s E.T short for?
He’s got no legs!
This reminded me of the time Mr. S and I were at an auction, and a pair of down pillows were on the block. Somebody wanted to know what kind of down, and after asking around, the auctioneer announced, “DUCK down!” And Mr. S and I both did. We crack us up.
Mr. S guessed that it was because their religion prevented them from having a good stiff belt.
What’s blackandwhiteandgreenandblackandwhite and smells terrible?
Two skunks fighting over a pickle.
Harvey Wallbanger walks into a bar and grill, and says “Do you serve cannibals here?–Damn, I screwed up the joke!”
Yes, I made that on up all by myself. Can you tell?
Couple of cannibals are eating a clown, and one says to the other “Does this taste funny to you?”
A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She has a banana in her ear and a couple of grapes up her nose. The doctor says “You’re not eating right.”
Why don’t elephants eat ants?
'Cause they can’t get their tiny little legs apart.
Okay. This one made me laugh.
And blush, when a coworker wanted to know what I was laughing at.
Me too, but it took a while… :smack:
Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A: He was dead.
Q: Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
A: He was stapled to the first one.
Q: Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
A: He pissed himself laughing.
Q: Why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree?
A: Peer pressure.
Q: Why did the wombat fall out of the tree?
A:How the fcuk would I know? What’s a wombat doing in a tree anyway?
What’s red on the outside, white on the inside, and goes “putt putt.”
An outboard radish
What’s big and red and eats rocks?
A big red rock eater.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To keep his pants up.
Why can’t you starve in the desert?
If you’re hungry, you can eat the sand which is there.
They dug up Beethoven’s grave and found him erasing his music. Why?
He was decomposing.
What’s black and white and red all over?
1. Pravda.
2. An embarassed zebra.
3. A nun falling downstairs.
A man goes to a psychiatrist. He says sometimes he thinks he’s a teepee, sometimes he thinks he’s a wigwam. “What’s wrong with me, Doc?”
Shrink says, “You’re too tense.”
What’s brown and green, and when it falls out a tree could kill you?
A pool table
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts!
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees!
How did Tarzan die?
Pickin’ cherries!
What did OJ say to his wife before he killed her?
“I’m gonna kill you!”
A man decides to build a chimney and fireplace in his house. He draws up the blueprints and figures out just exectly how many bricks he’s going to need. He then goes to the hardware store and buys exactly that many bricks. When he gets home, he builds the fireplace and chimney, but he has one brick left over. He looks at his blueprints, then at his invoice, but he can’t figure out why he has an extra brick. After a while he gives up and throws the brick out the window!
My boyfriend’s favourite joke.
What’s the difference between a bird?Both wings are the same, especially the left one.
His friend’s favourite joke:
How does a policeman catch a rabbit?He hides in the bushes, beeping like a carrot.
Two sausages sizzling in the frying pan…
Sausage#1: “DAMN! but it’s hot in here.”
Sausage #2: “HOLY SHIT! A talking sausage!”