Ah, I know what you’re thinking: “Skald, you fool, we’re a week into March! 2008 is forty days old! It’s way too late for New Year’s Resolutions! You’ve gone mad again!”
To which I reply: Pfftth. I’m not talking about the Gregorian calendar. I’m talking about the calendar of the Reunited Kingdom, set down by Strider/Aragorn/Elessar/Thorongil, heir of Isildur, leader of the Eight Walkers, Lord of Minas Tirth. After his victory of ole Sauron/Gorthaur/Annatar (hey, anybody in his story have just the one name?), he started a new time-keeping system in which the year begins on March 25–two short weeks from tomorrow.
All of which brings us back to the thread topic. What are you Tolkienesque New Year’s resolutions?
Mine is simple: If anyone suggests that I lead an army of Numernorians in assault on a nation of demigods, I will politely say “No” and then chop the suggester’s head off.
I will speed up my production of Hobbit swords for all the Hobbit size kids attending my sons Birthday party. I plan to make around 32 closed cell foam* swords for them to have a pirate melee.
Jim
Pool Noodles are my stock, Google it if you don’t know what a pool noodle is. They are made from closed cell foam and I have gone nuts the last 2 days trying to find a supply of these things or sheets of closed cell foam to make the swords.
If we suspects that a filthy Hobbits has The Precious in its pocketses, we strangles it like an Orcs baby, rifles through its clothing and takes it! Yes, we does.
Ah, Spring! Time to rake up the mallorn leaves and spruce up the flet! I resolve to be more assiduous in practicing shooting loud-breathing dwarves in the dark.
In your defense, the look in the Palantir might have helped. It left Sauron unbalanced and worried. He launched his attack sooner than he was prepared and before it was completely ready. Your grave mistake probably helped win the war to some small degree.
I resolve that, when I have numberless armies at my command and a world-conquering weapon with only one place where it can be destroyed, I’ll post at least, oh, a couple dozen of the horde on guard at the site. Plus I might even use a few to patrol the interior of my domain.
I’m making it my resolution to get more women into this story! Do you s’pose ‘Driel and Goldberry would be interested in a women’s book club, or somethin’? We seriously need to raise awareness of the female POV around here!
Oh, don’t tell Arwen, 'kay? Bitch been moody lately - all mooning over some rangy dude.
Somehow I have difficulty imagining Arwen Undomiel getting hot & nasty. Better go with the wild shieldmaiden of the north. Or even Farmer Cotton’s daughter, if you can resolve the size issues.
True, but he WAS Isildur’s heir. The fact that nobody calls my nephew “Skald’s Heir” doesn’t change that he’s the beneficiary of my life insurance policy.