Also you “just don’t like sex” and you want to date a girl who is into internet flings? Can you say wrong match… how long do you think she would stay in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t like sex? Why would you even want such an uneven situation?
I phrased that wrongly, I do like sex!!! Its just that she didn’t have any fucking paitence!!!
In the last post I meant, casual sex seems to be what everyones doing so I must be in the wrong then…
let her have sex ryan, and do so yourself, if you get the opportunity. Then, if you still like her afterwards, then stipulate that you don’t like sharing.
It takes two to tango, so perhaps the problem is yours too. You’re not alone. perhaps you’re jealous and sexually insecure like me. perhaps you want a firmer foundation so that you have more than tenuous sexual power to weild over your mate.
After all, you don’t admonish your male buds for having a jump, so why admonish her. Be honest, and don’t be intimidated by other men.
If I am wrong, feel free to laugh and cite with glee- and much poison, you snakes!
Perhaps you meant “orgasmicity”?
Oh for God’s sake, Ryan, sex is something adults do. It’s fun. Not every sexual encounter has to be themostimportantactofyourlife. IF you haven’t made clear to this woman that: A) You like her and B) for you, liking someone mans not getting into sex for at least a little while, who do you have to blame but yourself? Maybe she was interested in you, and you didn’t respond to her the way she’s used to seeing ( This guy hasn’t tried to make me, he must not be interested ) Maybe she’s just enjoying sex for sex and is not looking to be Carol Brady to your Mike. In any event, nowhere in your OP did I see any mention of your talking to her about your feelings or expectations, yet you seem to expect her to magically devine them. Personally, my advice to you would be to find a few willing birds and shag your brains out. It would prolly help you put this kind of stuff in perspective and not agonize over it so.
Did she SAY that she was looking for something exclusive with you?
Or did you just assume/hope/translate it as such because YOU wanted it to be that way??
If you want an exclusive monogamous relationship with someone, then you need to make that clearly known. Don’t just assume that everyone has the same values and views relationships in the same context as you do.
There are people who see nothing wrong with having multiple sexual partners, and for whom this takes NOTHING away from the person who is their “primary” partner.
I too am monogamous and don’t really understand how this could be so.
HOWEVER, just because there are people who DO feel this way doesn’t mean that they’re being “assholes” by having this type of lifestyle.
Unless you and she had a clearly outlined relationship in which both of you were committed to monogamy and in which you both understood that it was exclusive with each OTHER. You’re judging her unfairly and possibly without actually knowing anything at ALL about her actual thoughts and motives.
What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut fucks everyone, a bitch fucks everyone but you.
Not that this is at all germaine.
I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around this cause I know Ryan is a guy, but gosh gee, this sounds like me and my girlfriends bitching about the guys around us twenty years ago.
What happened…they grew up. They began to look for relationships instead of sex (something the girls I knew got to faster). And the girls also grew up and became girls whom you’d want to have relationships with, instead of just sleep with.
But a lot of people think sex IS a lot of fun. And is fun even when it is completely meaningless - a way to spend an evening with someone you barely know. Eventually, most people outgrow this. Sex shouldn’t ever stop being fun, but it stops being something that is so much fun you need to do it with near strangers.
My advice to Ryan…be patient. Meet a lot of girls and don’t bother with the ones that aren’t interested in the types of relationships you are interested in…at least, don’t bother with them now. Wait for them to stop sowing their wild oats. In the meantime, work on developing yourself into someone who will make an interesting and desireable long term monogamous boyfriend (as my girlfriends who didn’t bother with this step are still attracting the guys who aren’t ready).
I know you’re frustrated at having gotten your hopes up with this girl, but this wasn’t even a rejection and you’re acting like she betrayed you. I can’t imagine how you act when you date someone a few times and they decide they don’t want to see you any more.
You really need to calm down. Right now, you’re sending out the serious “crazy stalker” vibe. If a girl flirts with you, but then nothing happens, it’s none of your business if she goes on to fuck every guy in town. Yeah, it may hurt your feelings that she didn’t want to fuck you too, but she didn’t do anything wrong. The more you act like this, the less luck you’re going to have in the future. Girls want to date calm guys who have some self-confidence, and you’re not projecting that image at all.
In Canada. You met her at my wedding.
I don’t wanna grow up.
Why?
OK, Homebrew. It stopped being so much fun I needed to do it with strangers (and I was never into sex with strangers, but I did go farther with a few people I barely knew than I now would feel comfortable with). YMMV - and I apologize if I made it sound like anyone who hits their thirtith birthday and still enjoy sex with people they barely know is immature. To each his (or her, or their) own.
To me, sex is kind of like sweets. I could down candy 'til I got sick when I was a kid. Now I appreciate them far more, but need them far less, and am far more discriminating (Hershey’s chocolate bar - why bother?). In my experience (which is, by definition, limited to my experience) many people have a lot of sex when they first discover it, and eventually move on to make room in their lives for a different hobby. Of course, some people make sex their hobby for life. And I ain’t one to judge sex as a hobby (or for that matter, profession). Whatever turns your crank - as long as its between consenting adults.
Ordasity?
Audacity.
Ryan, stop being friends or a brother. Despite movies or stupid advice, ‘friends first’ seldom works unless you are looking for a friend.
IME, you do not ‘grow’ on women. They know within .001 milliseconds from seeing you if you have a chance with them. If you pass that test then you MAY have a shot. If you fail it, you have a proverbial snowballs chance in hell.
If you’re interested in her romantically, ask her out. Stop being so indirect. It will save you time, energy and heartache.
I hate that friends and brother crap, thats why I hardly bother, I got a friend whose experienced that more than me and I don’t want it to happen to me as often as it did him. Thank you for the advice though
Ryan - I don’t think people are slamming you for not having casual sex. That’s your choice. But this specific chick is allowed the same choice. And if she chooses the casual sex, then that’s fine. Move along.
It seems to me like you need to relax a little bit about relationships. Not that you need to go running around like a bunny, fucking everything that moves, but don’t treat each girl you meet like a potential girlfriend, you know? Don’t invest too much in them. This isn’t license to act like a jerk - you still have to be friendly if you want any action at all - but don’t get too lovestruck too soon, you know?
And above all, be patient. Going from a few posts of yours that I vaguely remember, you seem to be probably about the same age as me, early twenties. You’ve got so much time to go out and find someone and really make a connection. There’s no rush. Let this girl go, and wait for someone better to come along.
I always thought you used your One Ring[sup]TM[/sup] for that.
What look!ninjas said.
If someone doesn’t care enough about me to just want to be my FRIEND, why would I want that person as a romantic interest?
Well, who’d want to be friends with that?!
Other than nauseatingly cutesy little Japanese boys, that is…
