Welcome to the Legion of Unlikely Superheroes please step foward and state your name and power:
Beer Guy: Shoots beer from his fingertips.
Sufer Dude: Like totally gnarly, to the max.
Hi Opal girl: Third on any list.
Furryman: Power to control cute and furry creatures.
BE Girl: Able to contol the size of her breasts.
Lactation Lass: Got milk?
Cow-girl: Bitten by a radioactive cow…
Nerdman: With Ultra Nerd Powers…wait that’s Bill Gates, nevermind.
Elvis Clone: The power to imitate Elvis.
Cecil: Omniscient
Bicycle Repairman: Obligatory Monty Python reference.
[Tom Hanks] Tableman: He solves crimes at dinner for four The Motorcycle Guy: His helmet has secret compartments
[/Tom Hanks]
Captain Obvious: He points out the weaknesses in supervillains’ plans Multiple (Personality) Man: Eventually, one of his personalities will have useful super powers for the crime at hand Fire-Ant Man: His bites raise welts on the ankles of supervillians everywhere Johnny Narcolepsy: He fights crime between naps The Amazing Proctoscope: Criminals turn themselves in to the police in droves, when the Amazing Proctoscope is on the case Speedball: A daring young man… Oh, wait. [sub]nevermind[/sub]
Gentle-man: Always polite and courteous, cleans up after destroying a building during a fight (Marquis of Queensbury rules), never fails to assist an infirm person, and always insists on taking the fight outside. His crime fighting partner and wife, Mrs. Manners, never has to ask him twice to take out the garbage or hang up his cape. Her powers include the “dust up”, the ability to polish any criminal into unconsciousness, RSVision, the ability to get anybody to tell her what their appointments are and whether or not they can make them, and Grammarspeak. No double negatives when she’s around.
With my weapon, the Cathode Ray Tube, I can make people sit, glassy-eyed and slack-jawed, staring into space for hours and hours [sub]though they get up every now and then to fetch a snack or use the bathroom.[/sub]
Semi Hijack-
I reccomend SuperHero League Of Hoboken. It’s a computer game in the same spirit as this thread. Sadly, it was made 10 years ago and you may have trouble finding a copy.
A few members of the league-
Crimson Tape-power to make organisational charts
Iron Tummy-can eat spicy foods without distress
Mademoiselle Pepperoni-can detect what toppings are on a pizza without opening the box.
RoboMop-can clean almost any mess
Princess GloveBox-can refold road maps quickly and easily
Tropical Oil Man-he can raise the enemies cholesterol level
Genuine nerds such as myself tend to be rather offended when people call Bill Gates a nerd. His business skills are undeniable, but his “Ultra Nerd Powers” are nonexistant to negative.
And Skeezix, there’s already an Obvious Man, who appears occasionally in the comic strip Non Sequitur. His mission is more Cecil-esque, though: He generally tries to eradicate stupidity.
How’s this one for odd: I’m personally accquainted with Solar Girl, who makes it her heroic mission to educate grade-school students about solar physics.
Seeing as we already have a large pantheon of unlikely superheroes going, how about an unlikely legion of doom?
Drama Queen: Able to turn the simplist of human transactions into chaos and disorder of apocolyptic proportions.
The Diabolical Doctor Cue: Power over space and time. Able to waste both through exponentionally extending lines at grocery stores by paying with a check and a bunch of unorganized coupons.
The Passive Agressor: Well, if you don’t know already, I’m not going to tell you.
Of course TROJAN MAN!! Evidently saving horny dimwits from unsafe sex.
Mine would be Apathy Man has power to project apathy on any evil doer. Makes them less motivated then DMV employees or civil servants the day before a 4 day weekend. "Meh, why bother to take over the world-- it sucks anyway. . . "
You may also have trouble running it on a system made in the last 10 years. Mine sits here mocking me because this very thread inspired me to dig it out last night, and I couldn’t get the bugger to run. I suppose if I weren’t too lazy to play around with various boot states/disks, or set up the old PB P60 that the game used to run on… feh. And of course, the system we’re using now isn’t up to snuff to run that new superhero game, Freedom Force? Something like that, anyway.
Back to the OP: The Unstoppable Pedant: Drives villains crazy with who/whom arguments Dr. Noir: His ability to wear a trenchcoat and fedora in any weather strikes terror into the hearts of evildoers
For the bad guys: Bandwidth Hog: Stopping servers around the world Wipeout: The nemesis of Surfer Dude, able to tip any board with a glance
I feel like I’m trapped in the longest episode of Who’s Line Is It Anyway? ever.
Heroes: Easily-Startled Girl, with her ear-piercing shriek. Clicker, who defeats evildoers by activating their powers remotely when they least expect it.
Bad Guys: CoSign, who ruins his victims by defaulting on loans. Snatch, a simple pickpocket.
