Exactly right. Stop playing the mindreading game. It’s so pointless and harmful it’s not even funny. It’s not conducive to a happy relationship. He does not know what you’re thinking. Seriously, where do so many people get the idea that their partner does?
We’re not “all reacting the same way”: the vast majority of replies in this thread have suggested talking to the guy about it.
Welcome to the SDMB (and cool user name), but please don’t snag one off-the-cuff response and apply it to the entire thread. Generalizations – especially wrong ones – tend to be frowned on here. 
I should’ve worded it better, but what I honestly meant was: would each poster’s response still be unchanged if the sexes were reversed. (Which, y’know, sounds clunky.)
Of course I noticed that DianaG advocated talking with him and then dumping him if he doesn’t plan to do it any more than he has to. And how Malienation suggested a tiered conversational approach, followed by then dumping him with extreme prejudice if he doesn’t agree that she gives oral sex and so is entitled to get oral sex. I wasn’t trying to characterize every response; I was merely trying to ask about each response.
(Looking back, I shouldn’t have done it by quoting the one response that made me think of asking that question – but since that was the cause and effect, I included it because it genuinely had been a starting point rather than a final generalization. All apologies.)
No worries. You still seem to be a little more on the offensive than is necessary, but we were all new here once.
My response was to dump the guy because they’ve been together for 8 months and she can’t talk candidly with him about sex. I also suggested that if she feels this problem would apply to any guy she dates, she should be single for a while and pursue counseling until she can talk about sex with the person she’s having sex with. You bet your ass I would have posted the same advice if the OP were written by a guy about his girlfriend: there is no excuse for not being open and honest with your partner about sex.
I hope nobody minds, but this thread has sort of set me up for the day (if you see what I mean).
I think a couple should discuss what they like and want in bed (or in a hammock ).
Then the gentleman should please his partner until she faints. :eek:
Next the lady should be gently roused (not aroused :o ) and offered a nice cup of tea. (Yes, I’m English. How did you know?)
Finally the gentleman should receive his reward. 
ululate, my advice would be exactly the same if the genders were reversed. Why maintain a sexual relationship with someone who isn’t willing to please you sexually?
I don’t know about “we all” but I would. If you are in a sexual relationship with someone who isn’t sexually satisfying you, then you probably aren’t compatible for a sexual relationship. If you can’t even talk to your sex partner about sex issues, then you really shouldn’t be in a sexual relationship with them. Either you are too uncomfortable/untrusting of them specifically (not a good sign) and should find a partner you can communicate with, or, if you wouldn’t be able to discuss it with any partner, you are too immature to handle a sexual relationship at this time.
I don’t see it as a gender issue.
Now I can imagine some sorts of situations where a person isn’t comfortable with certain sex acts for other reasons… say they were abused at one time (molested as a child, raped, whatever) and can’t disassociate that abuse with that particular act… in those types of cases I’d lean more toward being understanding and trying to find other things you can do together that will satisfy you.
So you’d dump anyone who wasn’t into everything you’re into?
Sexually? Quite possibly, depending on the quality of the relationship. And please bear in mind that we’re talking about oral sex, which is pretty meat and potatoes, in my opinion. It’s not as though she’s asking him to indulge some really bizarre kink, here.
On the whole, I agree with you, DianaG (obviously, considering my post), but Priceguy does have a point. In high school, I had a girlfriend who refused to go down on me even though I always went down on her. It’s easy to say I was being taken advantage of, sure, and at the time it sure seemed that way. However, she had other things to recommend her, namely a fondness for anal sex. It really got her blood flowing. Yeah, I know, that isn’t much of a big deal either (nowadays, from what I’ve heard, young conservative women sometimes engage in anal sex to remain chaste until their wedding…I don’t get it either), but this was the 70’s. I was 14 and didn’t know that she was probably one of, oh, I dunno, 10 girls on the entire planet who was willing, no, eager to take it in the ass. You could say that she took me for granted on one issue, and I took her for granted on another. Seems a wash. I still stand by my original advice, though, since the OP is obviously unhappy.
I would 100% Second this - not the grapes part but diet does make a HUGE difference…to me the worst culprit is cigarettes - after she’s been smoking I hate to be down there.
Malienation, it’s not about being taken advantage of, or feeling taken for granted (or at least it’s not *just * about that, although that can certainly come into play). It’s about sexual compatibility.
I know that everyone says that sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship (and they’re not wrong, it’s not the *most * important thing), but it’s still pretty damned important. I have friends and family I can turn to for support, companionship, and conversation. The one thing that separates my romantic partner from everyone else I know is that we have sex, so I have certain expectations that the sex is going to be mutually satisfying.
So the bottom line for me is that sexual incompatibility doesn’t either party a bad person, but it makes both parties the wrong people for each other.
I concur with DianaG. This seems to me like an obvious truth that’s practically inutterable because people are socialized to somewhat minimize their valuation of sex when it comes to relationships for fear of appearing crass or shallow.
There’s plenty more to love than sex, of course (I’m hep to those cats at Plato’s Symposium) but it’s damned important.
If the sex doesn’t click – what have you got but a frustrating buddy?
One of the women I love the most in the world was a long-time friend who was otherwise involved. I fell ridiculously in love with her and stayed there for years, and thought that the Best Thing Ever was about to happen when we finally hooked up. Dear god, but the sex was disappointing. I still love her and would move heaven and earth to do anything for her, but the idea of going to bed with her every night for the rest of my life has zero appeal, and that’s certainly mutual.
On the other hand, I just spent five years (five years!) in a relationship that was obviously seriously flawed, and did my best to love this woman to the best of my ability, in spite of us always being at it like cats and dogs, because – well… the sex was always really good.
People who luck out and end up with both that lofty and idealized love that transforms the beholden into some creature of impossible grace which endures beyond the initial rush of hormones and who also have fantastic sex that regularly reorganizes their nervous systems and makes their eyes roll back in their heads several times a week – those are the people who stay coupled until they’re wizened little apple-head figures and die deeply in love.
One or the other is great for a while, but it’s pretty wide of the mark.
She smokes with it? I guess you should be thankful she doesn’t chew tobacco. :eek:
It’s a foreign concept to people who believe in waiting until marriage. Presumably, they assume that all people are automatically sexually compatible.
Not that anyone here is waiting until marriage; just an observation about why sexual compatibility may be downplayed by socialization.
I personally wouldn’t ditch someone just because he didn’t do something I wanted sexually. If he refused to discuss it, or compromise at all, that would be problematic, but more because that’s exactly a sign of character. But maybe I’m just not that picky. I’m pretty much down for whatever. 