Oh, I don’t mean it gets boring. I just mean that it’s inevitable that anyone you have sex with over a long period of time is going to figure out your “triggers”, and that it will be more difficult to achieve orgasm with someone who hasn’t.
So really, if the objection to vibrators is that they make orgasm too easy, thus making it difficult to achieve it in other ways, then the same objection should apply to long-term partners. Or oral sex. Or handcuffs. Or whatever else is your fastpass to happyland.
I did read that this habituation process can lead to “the same routine” and equated that to some boredom but if it hasn’t happened that way for you then great!
As to the second part I’ll repeat another human cannot mimic what a vibrator does. If you are hidebound to a vibrator for an orgasm no partner will suffice. However, presumably a different partner could do whatever it is your current SO does to get you off.
Well sure, in theory. In practice, I’ve stayed in some very bad relationships because some guys have “got it” and others don’t. In retrospect, I’d have been better off with my vibrator.
It sucks that it was used to make you feel bad, and he shouldn’t have told you in a cruel way of course, but honestly? I wouldn’t want to be with a man who I couldn’t get off (though now that I’m married, if something medically happened to my husband, different story-- if it was that way in the beginning, it would be a non-starter). I would be turned off bigtime if he needed mechanical assistance, and I understand why a man would be turned off by it too. It’s an irreconcilable difference that could be framed as a personal attack if you wanted to hurt the other person, but I don’t think it’s inherently a personal attack.
Maybe it’s shallow of me, but sexual compatibility is hugely important to me, and without it, a major form of intimacy is lost IMO. I can understand why, if your exes found mutual orgasm sans machines to be a priority, why they would find your relationship ultimately doomed. It sucks that fact was used to hurt you emotionally, but it doesn’t seem unreasonable to me as a cause for a break up. It seems your ex-husband should have figured this out before he married you, though.
Yep. Been there too (bad relationship but great sex that lengthened what should have been stopped sooner).
More to the point though is that you are able to get off without a vibrator. As long as that ability exists then presumably any partner can get you off. Some never will…some will rock your world. But if you are capable of orgasm only via a vibrator then no partner has a chance to do it for you.
Being with one partner for a long time has left me much more orgasmic, not less. But any time it’s new you need to learn each other’s beats…that’s not the same thing as actually altering your sexual response.
I absolutely understand where you are coming from. To me it’s much the same as if I were missing a leg or had some other more obvious disability. I have a physiological problem, I’m very up-front about it, and if a guy can’t deal I would appreciate it if they would wander off before they take it to the “I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life” stage. Instead, they think they’re the one “superman” that will be the exception.
It seems like there are two different voices in this thread: those who view vibrators as a tool, and those who view them as a crutch. Me, I see them as the former. If I want to put a nail into the wall to hang a picture, I grab a hammer. I don’t feel inadequate or see it as a personal failing that I can’t get that nail into the wall with my bare hands. And yeah, considering how important compatibility is when it comes to sex partners, I suggest people start asking this question up front so we get people paired (or trioed, or whatever) up right from the start. Should prevent a lot of angst in the future!
Reading some of this thread I feel like I’m transported back to the 1950s or something. People are getting virtually parochial about this vibrator thing. The OP’s original statement is like saying Men! Stop masturbating! You’ll grow hair on your palms and go blind! :smack:
Has anyone here saw “When Harry Met Sally” and seen THE scene? Where they discuss how Harry can tell a woman is faking an orgasm? Do people still think that no woman ever fakes an orgasm after that scene? :dubious:
Has anyone here read the Hite Report? Masters and Johnson? READ any Kinsey (not just watched the horribly drawn-out movie). Guess what: lots and LOTS of women have trouble orgasming during sex. This is a given, documented fact. Helping these women to have an orgasm would be a good thing. Enter the vibrator.
In bec’s defense, if you have a hang up about how the sex is going in the relationship, you should at least tell that person BEFORE you propose marriage. To use it as THE excuse for the breakup is reprehensible. And not all of us are so iron-clad that we can recover from a betrayal like this unscathed.
bec, I am sorry to hear how those guys treated you. There is nothing wrong with you- you are just wired differently.
I don’t think I have ever had an orgasm from vaginal penetration alone (but I used to drink a lot, so I can’t ever say “never” about anything…). I have had rock-my-world orgasms from oral & manual direct clitoral stimulation and from vibrators (way, way back in the day). My husband knows I don’t orgasm from vag penetration alone- who cares? He is happy to do whatever I am in the mood for, in order to get me off. Or he’ll be happy to watch! And he’s also cool with me saying that I don’t have to come every time we have sex- I enjoy the sport, but don’t always have to win a gold medal.
My orgasmic orientation has nothing to do with him or his technique. It’s just me and my hey-hey!
PS- I am 40 and have plenty of partners and practice- I am just not wired for vag-only orgasms.
Using a vibrator has made many women more orgasmic, and for the majority of them, it doesn’t interfere with their ability to climax in other ways.
And why is it that learning to come using a vibrator is “altering your sexual response”, but learning to come using a different tongue or penis than you’re used to isn’t? All tongues and penises aren’t created equal, ya know.
I don’t doubt that a tiny percentage of women can’t come in any other way. I *do * doubt that it’s entirely attributable any quality inherent to the vibrator versus other methods of clitoral stimulation.
And what I strongly object to is the ridiculous assertion that, because a tiny percentage of women are having orgasms that you deem inferior, “vibrators are bad”.
Well, your opinion was that they were bad and that people should stop using them. I don’t think it’s any wonder that people reacted forcefully.
In response to Whack a Mole, I’m aware that penises can’t vibrate. (Sadly.) I was with one guy, though, where we used sex toys in the, uh…bedroom. He was all for using vibes to supplement sex play because he was aware that penises couldn’t whirr rapidly at hundreds of rotations a minute but wasn’t threatened by the fact that a machine could do something he couldn’t. So that was definitely a cool attitude. Obviously, if you’re not into using them, you should be with people who feel the same way as you. I’m not threatened by the fact that a calculcator can do mathematical calculations faster and more accurately than me.
Honestly, I disagree. If I had called for a legal ban, I could see a strong reaction to that, maybe, because that might have some (minute, laughable) threat level in relation to other people’s feelings and desires and decisions regarding their vibrators. Seeing as how it’s just my opinion, and I’m absolutely nobody in the lives of anyone on this board, it blows me away, frankly. I so do not get it.
And that’s okay. Because I don’t need to get it. Because it doesn’t matter. It’s a message board. It’s just a conversation. It has no bearing on my life, and i hope it doesn’t have any on anyone elses. It simply does not rate the level of emotion that’s being invested in it by some people.
