Notice: If the retired veteran assassin/spy/scientist whom you are trying to recruit to your cause tells you “I don’t do that anymore”, this means he is about to give in to your awesome powers of pursuasion.
Attention: Animals appearing in this film are capable of understanding and responding instantly to complex commands from their owners, regardless of whether the animal has ever been trained to recognize said command.
Advisory Notice: If your body is not demonstrably young, physically fit, toned, and free from obvious flaws, you will only be required to expose your bare breasts (women only), buttocks, or genital area if the film is a comedy and your character is being held up to ridicule.
The pilots name is generally stenciled permenantly onto the side of the aircraft. The co-pilots name is written on a name plate made from dry-erase material.
a small, mild and otherwise inconsequential heat source, such as a match, will activate every sprinkler head in the building, thus assuring destruction of all personal and electronic items, while distracting any criminals several floors from the source. This will occur despite the fact that a fire fighting system, to be effective and desirable, should operate only in the vicinity of actively dangerous conflagrations.
Failure of a single cable in any building elevator will cause immediate plummeting, despite the presence of a minimum of six independent cables, each capable of supporting the elevator by itself, as well as the presence of fail safe braking systems that have never failed in any other builoding, despite the hundreds of thousands of elevators in use worldwide.
Building exterior window glass is designed to withstand high wind pressure,l impacts from wnd and storm driven objects; yet can be shattered by an office chair; resulting glass debris will pose no danger of laceration.
The Impervico Mark IX Massive Impenetrable Dream Fortress is irrevocably linked to your bioelectric field. So long as you are alive and on the premises, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING can breach the walls. Should your life be terminated or you get the urge to “deal with matters personally” outside of sensor range, your Dream Fortress WILL COLLAPSE IMMEDIATELY. Your warranty will be voided should this happen. Use of competent henchmen strongly suggested.
The following technique to block missile weapons is for entertainment and tournament purposes, and should be done only under professional supervision. Wear appropriate safety gear when performing this technique. Not recommended for combat use.
(On the hunky heart-throb guy)
Warning! Falling hopelessly in love with me will result in termination of all other friendships, loss of self-esteem, eventual heartbreak, suicidial thoughts, inability to maintain personal hygeine, and weight gain. Obsess with caution.
This suit of body armor has been tested to provide protection against modern energy weapons. Its effectiveness against primitive weapons has not been verified. Exercise caution when facing adversaries armed with weapons such as bows and arrows, small-caliber bullets, or 1920s-sty(SCORCH MARK)
“Caution! The size, menacing appearance, deep voice, and tough talk of this Starfleet Tactical/Security Officer should not be taken as indicators of his performance in Tactical/Security situations.”