The problem is people who feel it appropriate to intrude on your childbearing decisions, whatever they are.
When we had our twins, a boy and a girl, lots of people around us guessed that we were done with kids, since we had the stereotypical nuclear family all set. It wasn’t their place to suppose that.
We did have another little boy two years later.
I got a big scary looking pit bull, which has been a good excuse for me.
He usually puts an end to talk of babies, not only because a baby AND a pit bull would be too much work, but because people suspect they might not get along.
Also my sister was born 6 months after my parents’ wedding. I think this is the reason they have always encouraged us to “wait until you’re good and ready, and use a condom every single time.”
“Y’know, we might be coming around on the whole parenting thing, but the problem is, we’re just such big fans of the anal sex, and you can’t get pregnant from that! I mean, I don’t know how much anal sex you’ve had, but really, it’s great! A little bit of lube, a little bit of fingerwork, and we’re cornholing the night away! I swear, I’ve never such mind-blowing orgasms as when I’m having my butt pumped! If there were a way to get pregnant from an ass pounding, man, we’d have like six or seven kids by now! Do you do much anal? Because if not you’re totally missing out.”
Repeat as necessary.
I should stop grinning at this before someone gets suspicious. 
Sorry WhyNot, but Cervaise’s advice wins.
I am so using that if necessary. Fortunately it probably won’t be, because my family hasn’t really put much pressure on me about having kids. I don’t want them, FTR.
The annoying part is that my Dad keeps forgetting that we have had this conversation before. I guess he’s getting old. When it does come up, I just remind him that I don’t want kids. He lets the subject drop. Guess I’m lucky.
:eek:
My parents have no desire to be grandparents. Which is good because neither me or my sister want to have kids. Of course my grandparents don’t really understand why I don’t want to have kids, but then again they don’t understand why I went to school to be a geologist 
This is standard verbiage on my dad’s side of the family. 'Cause y’know, you gotta have a boy :rolleyes: My dad told them to stuff it. They had two girls, me and my sis, then dad got the old snip snip.
Oh, she’s willing to babysit instead it it going to daycare, shop for it and buy it oh- everything, make it animal shaped pancakes (seriously, she did this for my husband when he was a child) and so forth.
Scubaqueen, I completely agree. He is going to be the one to talk to his mom about this. The thing is, he already talked to her after we got married about this. Also she brings it up to me when he isn’t around/within earshot. I mean it’s my uterus, and it is currently occupied by an IUD. No room for a baby in there
That’s what I’m sayin’. Make’em for the kids at the shelters or whatever, volunteer or some shit.
My MIL stopped pestering when she learned I’d had a vasectomy, and a pregnancy would be really, really awkward. In our case it’s true, but how’s your MIL gonna know?
Oh, you’re so right. The thing is, I’m now stealing it, so it now belongs to me, too. And through, me, every Doper, apparently, 'cause I’m the Doper groupthink. We’re all cornholing the night away now! (Any one else singing that to the tune of *Tubthumping *in their head?)
And this, children, is exactly how the rump romp is supposed to make you feel!
I have never heard, from anyone, anything like this particular sentiment. It warmed the cockles of my heart, I tell you. Thank you - sometimes even when you don’t need it reassurance is right.
ditto. Thanks, Hampshire!
Maybe it’s just because I don’t talk to my extended family much, but I’ve really honestly never had family pressure me about kids. I know my dad WANTS to be a grandfather (badly, he adores little kids) but he knows better than to pressure us. Especially me, who has the maternal instinct of a tick.
For me, it’s outsiders. People who have kids who tell me shit like “It’s so different when it’s your kid. Just wait, you’ll get pregnant and you’ll see.” And I have to restrain the urge to hit them and scream “NO. NO, I WON’T SEE, BECAUSE IT ISN’T HAPPENING. IF I GOT PREGNANT I’D BE AT THE ABORTION CLINIC SO FAST THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT WOULDN’T HAVE TIME TO START A PROTEST.” It’s been worse since my husband and I got married. Everyone thinks we should reproduce, and dammit, that just ain’t happenin’.
I dislike babies. They make me very, very nervous. They’re small and breakable and I don’t like them. If I had a baby, my husband would raise it, because I wouldn’t have anything to do with it. Horrible, right? Yeah, that’s why I’m not reproducing, thanks.
As for the house thing, I was the same way. Screw paying a mortgage and having to do your own repairs, when you can pay rent and get it taken care of for free, right?
Until I did some landscaping and house work at my ex-boyfriend’s house and realized that…I really fucking love yardwork and home repairs. So I’ll be buying a house…some day. But not now, that’s for sure. Until then, I’ll be happy paying rent and getting everything fixed for free.
~Tasha
Same sentiment, slightly different scenario:
I (we) had 2 kids. Then, 8 years after the first one came along-our BC failed. So, we had another one.
I can’t tell you the number of times I was asked-so are you going to have another one, to keep “the caboose” company? The older two had each other-your youngest is like an only!"
I am not a violent person, but these people needed killing. #2 son is a delight-but we are soooo done having kids. (plus, he’s 8 himself now, and my tubes are tied in multiple knots).
I don’t think the issue is really Easter baskets–this MIL wants a dream and sadly, expects you to fulfill it for her. When I got pregnant with my first (she is now 17), my MIL told me that she was TOO young to be a grandmother(!). Jesus-I had my first when I was 27, it’s not like I was 14… :rolleyes:
I think inlaws/wanna be grandparents/new grandparents are some of the neediest people on the planet.
My brother didn’t get married until he was over 40, and his wife was over 30. They told everyone from the get-go that they were not having kids…they were too old. My sister-in-law is not the kind of person you argue with, or bug about things, so no one ever brought up the subject.
So why, when my brother called me and said, “I have something to tell you.” did I immediately say…“you’re pregnant!”? Just knew from his tone of voice, I guess. He said they’d told everyone that they weren’t going to have kids so that no one would bug them and so no one would grieve if they were unable to have a child, knowing that getting pregnant at her age, without the assistance of fertility help, might be problematic. So everyone was delighted at this surprise announcement. For two days, until she miscarried. But she soon got pregnant again, with twins, no less, and they turned 16 last month. The twins thing kept anyone from asking if they were going to try again…oh, that, and the hysterectomy.
My point is that your MIL probably hopes that you’re “just saying that” like my brother and his wife were. And this is not an isolated incident…I have another friend who got married quite late, announced the “no plans for kids” thing, and then had her first at 46 or 47, and her second soon after. They, too, wanted to spare their families the grief of possible miscarriages or failures, but in this case she didn’t even tell us she was pregnant…she waited until the baby had his six-week checkup (and she knew he was okay) to call and tell us!
It’s a Sam Cooke song, innit?
Possibly, but my theory is that volunteering might open the person’s eyes to the fact that there are plenty of kids out there already who need someone in their lives who will pay some attention to them. Maybe the volunteer would even stop being selfish and see the purpose of altruism. I dunno. It’s probably idealistic.
RE what AHoosierMama said: Yes, there are many wanna-be grandparents who really just want to shop for the kid or brag about the fact that they are grandparents, but don’t necessarily want to spend time with them once they’re not babies anymore. I’ve seen this happen with my cousin’s kids. Her mom had died a few years ago, and the MIL loves to boast about having grandchildren, but all she ever does is send them stuff for Easter, Christmas and birthdays and never ever visit or invite them over. I’ve spent more time with those kids than she ever has, and I’m their frikking second cousin.
No, you’re their first cousin once removed. A second cousin is someone of your generation, but whose closest ancestor(s) in common with you is/are at the great-grandparental level. Your third cousin and you have great-great-grandparents in common, and so on. Meanwhile, if one of your cousin’s kids eventually has a child, the baby will be your first cousin twice removed.
My mom finally stopped when my older sister became a grandmother. Since sis is only older than me by a couple years, I guess mom finally worked out that I was serious about the no kids thing. Of course, Mr. Cakes’ vasectomy a few years before ought to have convinced here. Maybe he should have shown her the scar.
Mind you, I have four siblings who’ve all been champion breeders, so her persistance wasn’t due to a lack of grandbabies. And now the number of great-grandbabies popping out daily would fill a good-sized trailer park. My genetic inheritance has been duly assured and I didn’t even have to get stretch marks. How cool is that?
Nobody’s even bugging me about having kids, and I think I’m going to use Cervaise’s advice. It might be a little tricky working it into the conversation, though…
Tell them you’re a genetic male.