Dear Weather Control Services,
Thanks for the unseasonably pleasant weather. It was great to be able to get out and not spontaneously burst into flame, or melt into a pile of goo because the humidity repeatedly put the flames out at the first sign of smoldering. Yup, you did good this past weekend with the weather.
Usually August is set to “Swelter”, but not this past weekend. Nope. The Weather Control knob was definitely set to “Beautiful”. Let’s face it, “Sultry” is nice when you’re talking about women, but outdoor temperatures? Not so much the good thing.
So let me just say, you guys at Weather Control are really “on the ball”. Not like the slack-assed crew they had in there last March. Man, what were they thinking? “Winter Wonderland” is one thing, but “Frozen Tundra”? They really need to take a page out of your playbook. You are definitely the “A Team” when it comes to weather and climate. You all deserve a big raise, or a medal or something nice like that. Maybe you can branch out and control the weather for the whole planet, not just my local locality, because you do such a nice job.
For further reading, see also the OP for “Muddy Boots Near Dayton”. Much sameness occurred this weekend, only my brother went too, I remembered the bug spray and my candy bar, we de-lostified a whole family and a group of old-people hikers, plus his dog swam in the river. And I fell on my butt trying to get down to the river so his dog could swim. Other than that, the similarities astound.