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Get someone else to get the mail. Or look into forwarding services at your post office.
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This seems fitting. A trory of a note and a necklace left at an airport.
I see your problem here.
Nikki, could you check in and let us know you’re okay? You’ve probably got a million things on your plate, but you know how we worry…
It’s a bit worrisome that NIkki’s last post to the boards in any thread was 5/27.
StG
Nikki Tikki Tavi, where are you? Strangers are concerned about your well-being.
Hey everyone. I’m here and I’m okay, just haven’t had much to report as of late. Pretty sure no one wants the boring details of me lying in bed and crying 
I haven’t seen the ex since I left, but there was a week where he was texting me (sucked me in by asking about the dogs, he knows my weak spots for sure) and asking, then begging, then insisting that I see him so “our last memories of each other wouldn’t be bad ones”. I’d like to boast my impressive self control and good judgement but honestly I probably didn’t give in because I wouldn’t want to explain to my mother where I was going. There ya go, silver lining to being a loser who lives at home in her 30’s. Whee.
I really need things to stop hurting, and 2 months out everything is still so damn raw. Can’t go to my favorite movie theater any more, he hangs out there. Can’t shop in our old neighborhood, might run into him. I avoid all the restaurants in the area because we’ve been to all of them together and don’t go into CVS anymore because even THAT reminds me of him. My stomach knots every single day when I pass the freeway exit to our house. My phone auto corrected a word to his son’s name because I’ve typed it so many times and I broke down. He deleted our shared blog and facebook page last week.
Ugh. And now I’m being a whiny sad sack. I’m saving money and keeping focused on goals, have a trip to see some friends coming up in August that I’m trying to be excited for. Things are okay.
You’re going to get through this. You can do it. Really.
I believe you will find someone who is worthy of your love and devotion. Please take care of yourself.
Be proud of your ability to not be too proud to move back home. You are saving your life and you are rebuilding it. And you are doing a fantastic job of it. Keep your eye on the ball and things will continue to improve. Hugs to you NTT.
Congrats for not caving in. You’re doing so well! Do you know how many women go back?
Can we ask that you give someone your contact info, so that even if you don’t feel like checking in, we can check on you? Just a “how’re you doing?” kind of thing. It sounds horrible, but I was expecting the worst when you weren’t in contact.
StG
You are going through a hard time, but it’s a hard time that will end, as opposed to the hard time you live FOREVER when you have an abusive partner. So keep putting one foot in front of another. I’m proud of you and pulling for you!
You guys are such a wonderful bunch. I’m so grateful to have a community like this pulling for me.
I was answering some private messages just now and saw a few that didn’t have the little crooked arrow, which I assume means they weren’t replied to. I want to let everyone know that if you wrote me, I answered! It looks like some didn’t send and I apologize for that. It might be my spotty connection?
papergirl has my phone # if I should happen to drop out again 
I do stop myself from time to time and say “okay, X situation (work, family, car troubles) is hard right now but wouldn’t it be worse if this were happening and I had to deal with him on top of it? Isn’t it better that you don’t have to go home and exhaust yourself arguing and being scared?”. And yeah, it would be. But so much of the sadness right now is because I’m not with him and it’s harder to talk myself out of that. I know it will pass, it has to. I just thought I would be further along than this by now. I try not to think about them because that just leads to wallowing and I can’t go down that rabbit hole. Every time I allow myself to crawl under the covers to sob I crawl out feeling worse instead of purged. How long are random things going to knock me out of a decent mood and back into the pit? I wish I could dump it all out of me at once and be done.
I even emailed Ed Zotti. Don’t know what I expected him to actually do… :o
Huh, right here don’t you think you’re being a little hard on yoursel- oh, right 
Hey, just because it was a breakup of a toxic relationship doesn’t mean it wasn’t a breakup! No loopholes! You still gotta go through the same ordinary and horrible mourning process that any of the rest of us mopes goes through at the end of a years-long relationship. How long? I don’t know; not forever. But longer than 60 days from cutting the cord to not feeling bad about it anymore… this thread was started at the end of April!
It will get better. Maybe fair to ask whether it would be better if you weren’t exhausting yourself arguing with *yourself *about it!
You are so sweet
Probably! I should either decide to be miserable and wallow or shove it down and move forward. This waffly middle ground isn’t working.
So! The latest news is this: Woke up in a wonderful mood. Sun is shining and it’s cool and comfy after two days of downpours and tropical heat. Had a super fun night with some friends and a guy that I’ve been out with a few times (who is so nice. Which is probably why I’m not head over heels for him. I’m not used to so nice. Anyways.) and got out of bed with a smile. Had a good work day, treated myself to a leisurely fattoush salad and some time with a book and then…
A text from my former landlord. “ExBF moved out without notice, leaving unpaid rent and water bills. You’re both on the lease, so you’re responsible, what do you want to to do about this?”
:eek:
I call ExBF and say “WTF is this?!”
And he says (deep breath because it still makes me want to scream 5 hours later) “You left us (us!!) in a bad way.”
(The “us” he is referring to is him and his son, who I found out he has NOT been paying child support for. How do I know that? Because when I told him I really didn’t want to get hauled into court over this, he replied “I have a bench warrant on me for not paying support. If I show up to court they’ll arrest me on the spot and I’ll go to jail, that can’t happen.”)
Left them in a bad way?!?! I BEGGED to be allowed to keep that house because renting with dogs was so difficult. I TOLD him he wouldn’t be able to afford the place on his own. I left his son’s room UNTOUCHED and deliberately looked around as I was packing to make sure I left towels, enough kitchen stuff, and even food in the GD fridge for kiddo.
Nope, all my fault. And the fault of the roommate that was supposed to move in who didn’t. And the landlord who doesn’t understand that he doesn’t have the money. And and and.
I am beyond angry but at the same time laughing hysterically. I can see his bullshit SO CLEARLY and I can’t believe I ever bought it. He’s a sad cardboard cut out.
I followed this thread at least for the first couple of pages… it seems like this web page has a lot of two categories of people (1)really smart people who like to debate/discuss topics, and, (2)people going through hard times of one type or another.
Here is my perspective on “problems”. They are hard when you are going through them and when they are in the past, leave them in the past. You have problems, now, from your past but it is getting better because you are not with the bad ex-boyfriend any more. Sometimes having problems and making changes have to go together, you can’t change without going through the problem. But some day, it will all be in the past.
All this is obvious and much of it I guess was said already but that doesn’t mean it is not worth repeating. I am really glad you are dating someone and that work is going well. Stay strong and keep looking towards the future!
I’ve had trouble with depression all of my life. You can’t think of “how long will this last”. All you can do is on a bad day try to make it a little better. Take a walk, red a book, watch some mindless television. Replacing some type of ACTIVITY instead of pessimistic thinking is the number one goal on a bad day. You can’t fight off the bad thoughts for the whole day either, but, you can make attempts to distract or divert yourself.
You see, the pessimistic mind, is, by definition, immune to logic and rational thought. If logic and rational thought could fix pessimistic thoughts, you wouldn’t be feeling bad to begin with! Don’t think of the past, don’t think of the future, don’t expect even to have a good day when you are having a bad day, just occupy yourself with activity, and not thinking, as much as you can.
Well, look at the bright side. The more crap he pulls, the less difficult it is to want to run back to him.
If you can’t move back into the home, good luck straightening out the lease mess. I’d ask the landlord to advertise the house for lease now to mitigate any damages he might suffer.
Can you move back in? It was perfect, except for the ex. Can you afford it on your own?
StG
So what is the landlord saying you owe? I thought the lease had not been renewed? So at most, that should be two months’ notice.
I know that’s still a lot. I’m unemployed at the moment and am staring something similar in the face. Go to a renter’s rights organization and learn what your rights really are for this situation in your state. But also keep a line of communication open to your landlord. He may be willing to negotiate.