My old pick up line, for those nights when I’m cruising the bars and not particularly choosy so long as I leave with a take-home bag, went like this:
“Hey baby what say we go back to my place and jump in the sack and squirm around like a couple of maggots in a corpse?”
After using it a few years, I feel like it’s a bit stale, and frankly, the success rate is abysmally low. I think the problem is it’s too wordy, and possibly a bit vague, since it’s theoretically possible for two people to jump in bed and squirm around like a couple of maggots in a corpse without actually consummating their relationship, not that the line has ever gotten me even that far in terms of consummating a relationship. So here is the new pick up line I am considering:
“You, me, humpy-humpy?”
I like it because it’s snappy and to the point, with little room for misinterpretation. I am interested in what you think of it, or your suggestions for a line that might work better, or one that you have personally used with some success.
Thank you for helping me out with this endeavor.
A line of coke* is guaranteed to help you pick up any chick**!
*Not to be construed as an actual guarantee
**Chick may or may not be free from odors and sexually-transmitted diseases
Well, the first one was kind of long. But did you do it right? I mean you have to throw some winks and eyebrow raises in there, and wiggle your hips when you talk about the maggots.
But yeah, the second one is a lot catchier. You should be getting laid all the time now.
This has been my experience as well.
It looks like a more minimalist version of my ‘caveman’ line:
Man. Woman. Jiggy-jig. Make baby.
You are needlessly complicating the matter, my friend! The line is:
You:** Tryna? **
It is most effective when combined with a smile and a slight jerk out of the head outward (I normally go right). Short for "trying to?, which is itself short for “Trying to just go bang one out real quick - you know, purely physical, both at that magical state of slightly drunk enough to start really trying out the weird shit, and you won’t ever hear from me again?”
I once knew a man whose throw away line was “Mmmmmmm, yep. You’ll do.”
Worked WAY more than you’d think.
Well what could possibly be more entertaining than SD when you wake up to your upstairs neighbors loud screwing at 2:36a.m again? Nothing, I tell ya.
On to your question – OH.MY.GOD. You must be some kind of genius. That line, your new one of course, is just brilliant. Why it would be hard to resist not running out of a bar with you and doing the “humpy-humpy.” I do believe your success rate will be quite satisfactory. Oh! Don’t forget to practice safe sex and add condoms to your next shopping list. By golly, I think you are going to need them, Arrendajo!
“Humpy-humpy” seems risky, though. I mean, she might think about Humpty-Dumpty, then before you know it she’s breaking eggs in the kitchen the next morning instead of leaving when you shove her out of bed!
I’ve always been a fan of: “Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”
And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpy together again.
Perhaps rumpy-pumpy would be less ambiguous.
I am having some phantom twinges just thinking about ‘breaking eggs’ in this context.
Oh, and to the OP: Yeah, the second one is much more to the point. The other might just get you goth girls and we all know … well we all know.
Good luck, have a safe flight. . .and once again, Godspeed, John Glenn.
I went to school with a guy who’d try that line, without commenting on the footwear. 50% of the time it earned him a slap across the face but it was amazing how often it was successful.
Yes, even this thread can be Godwinized.
I’m not sure I’d want a lady thinking about a maggot and my wang at the same time.
How about: “You drink like a sailor now let’s see if you can tame the sea monster.”
Too wordy and complicated. Try “You drink like a sailor, let’s fuck”
“Let’s have breakfast tomorrow. Shall I call you, or slide the tray into my crawlspace?”
True story: a friend of mine in the Navy would sidle up to a woman at a bar, grab her by the ass and say “my name’s Bobby, how do you like me so far?”
Ooh, I like that. A compliment first. Very classy. 
Am I the only one who liked the old pick up line better?