I think it’d be a bad idea. I’d stay away from anyone who has anything to do with that girl.
I hope her BF gets a clue and does the same.
Just to let you know. I have told her to stay away and to stop calling me. I think she got the hint. Certainly took me a while to figure this one out. Although in my defense, I confess I was somewhat fascinated with her and the situation. I am rarely attracted to manipulative women and usually I see right through them. At least I think I do.
For some reason, this one was different, perhaps because we seemed to have so much in common, or perhaps because she knew exactly what she wanted in bed. Whatever the case it blinded me. Actually, I should refrase that. It was as if I was willing myself not to see the obvious.
Hey it’s over now anyway.
Jack
Good job, Jack. Here’s hoping you find someone soon who’s not a manipulator, abuser, or wacko.
A couple of weeks after I told her to leave me alone, she shows up at my place one Saturday morning.
Ellen: Hi Jack!
Jack: Ellen? What are you doing here? I told you to stay away from me.
Ellen: Why haven’t you called me? I was worried about you. (She somehow manages to come inside as she says this.)
Jack: I thought we went over this. There is nothing between you and me. You need to go back to Bob and leave me alone.
Ellen: (Tears welling up) Bob says he doesn’t want to see me anymore.
Jack: You didn’t tell him what happened between us did you?
Ellen: No, he says it’s something else.
Jack: So why did you come here? Whatever problems you have with Bob is between you two. I don’t want to be part of it and I would appreciate if you would leave.
Ellen: Oh Jack, I missed you (she gets close)…
Jack: Ellen, it’s over…(real close)…
Jack: Please don’t…(her hands are on my private parts as I try to push her away)
Ellen: (Whispers) Come on Jack, just a quick one…and I’ll go.
Jack: No Ellen, not a good idea. (I honestly can’t remember if I actually said this out loud or only thought it).
Ellen: Jack…(At this point I have been backed into a wall).
Jack: Ellen…please…
Ellen: Ooooo…Looks like little Jack is happy to see me…(She has magically been able to get my shorts to move from my waist to my ankles).
Jack: Oh shit!
I’m sure you can figure out what happened next.
Now let’s not dwell on the fact that once little Jack gets excited I loose control and power of my brain. It’s a male weakness for which I am not proud of.
She did not leave as promised, in fact it has been going on like this for over a month. I keep ending it, and she somehow manages to get me to drop my pants again and again. It’s like the more I say “No” the more sexual she gets. When I was showing interest after that first encounter, she was stringing me along. Now that I keep trying to reject her she becomes a succubus. And to top it all off, Bob is still in the picture and is apparently not aware of what is going on. (Bob and Ellen are not their real names).
I realize this is not a healthy relationship, but what can I do to let her know it has got to end?
How can I control little Jack from a full frontal attack.
What on earth is she doing? And WHY? If I could figure this one out, I may be able to work out a way to quit her. Cause, like an addiction to heroin, it’s going to get tougher to quit the longer this goes on.
Any thoughts?
What’s she doing? She’s using you. Why is she doing that? Because she can, and because you’re letting her.
You say you want things to end. I’m not sure that’s completely true. I think part of you doesn’t want this relationship to end. Maybe you like the sex. Maybe you still feel like a (normal) relationship is possible with her. Maybe both. Maybe a dozen other reasons.
As I see it, you’re upset by her actions and you’re upset by the dysfunctionality of the relationship, but you’re not upset enough. Your resolve to end things isn’t strong enough. If it were, there’s no way in hell she’d get through your door and into your pants.
Figure out what you want, Jack. Do you want this relationship to go on? You’ll have to decide, and it’ll have to be a firm yes or no.
If you end things, end them completely, and end them forever. Sit her down, tell her it’s over, and then show her the door. Once you’ve closed the door behind her, never let her back in. Literally and figuratively.
Your actions must back up your words. Don’t let her be “just a friend”. Don’t let her back into your home for any reason. Avoid her like the plague. Don’t ever let your guard down around her.
And fer Pete’s sake, don’t ever have sex with her again. Boinking her does nothing to convince her that you mean it when you say it’s over.
Don’t blame little Jack, btw; he’s just doing what he’s supposed to do. It’s up to you to be able to tell the difference between when you should give in to what he wants and when you shouldn’t.
You’re right-- the longer this goes on, the harder it’ll be to end. But she’s not a drug. She doesn’t have to have that kind of control over your mind and body. She will only if you let her. You can get over her and kick her out of your life. You just have to want to enough.
I realize this is one of those “easier said than done” situations, but for your sake, Jack, I hope you are able to do what it takes to find happiness. I haven’t been exactly where you are, but I’ve been close, so… well, you know what I’m trying to say. I wish you well, hon. Keep us (or at least me :)) updated, okay?
How about “Get out of my house and off my property NOW or I call the police”?
She wants a boy toy and you are it. The fact that you are falling right in line with it doesn’t help. Sooner or later when you get sick of the whole situation you’ll get out of it. Especially if you should discover that you aren’t the only boy toy, besides ‘Bob’ that she has. Good luck.
Oh phuuuuuuuuuuuq!
Jesus, Jack… you really have no eyesight, here, do you?
(Putting on the asbestos… cause I know it’s gonna come to flametime after this)
I’m not gonna be nice. I’m not gonna be gentle. Because I’ve seen this too many times in my life (Hell, I’ve BEEN in this too many times) But let’s sum up.
You have a problem. You enlist strangers for help. EVERY person has responded that you should drop this and walk away. Only Azura has mentioned you should call her back once (which I disagree with, but what’s done is done), but even she tells you that you should dump the baggage and move on.
I’m the ELEVENTH person now to tell you that you are being used, that this girl is trouble, she doesn’t respect youin the least, is using you, yadda yadda yadda.
But the problem is not her. It’s you.
You’re blinding yourself with what you feel for her and are not paying attention to how she feels about you. You have to get over that and realize that you are not Mr. Right. You are Mr. Right Now, and you will not be regarded as a catch because you’re not man enough to throw her out the door.
You asked us. We told you.
If you choose not to utilise the advice that you asked for in the first place, it’ll only be a matter of time before WE stop taking you seriously, and say under our breaths “what did you expect? We told you so”.
I’m sorry, I’m just not big on pity. If I was the third, fourth or even sixth person to tell you this, I probably wouldn’t be so harsh. But I’ve got the idea that you want some justification for your actions. None of us are going to give it to you.
If the others want to flame me for this post, then fine. The Pit’s over that way. Maybe I’m being harsh, here, but maybe that’s what you need. (I hope it works!)
I’m just saying what I feel, man. And none of us want to see you doing this to yourself.
-Darq
Um. Did I accidentally stumble in to the Penthouse Forum Message Board?
actually Darqangelle, I don’t think you were being harsh enough.
NiceGuyJack, I think it’s fairly obvious to everyone here that you’re being used. What I find almost humorous is that we know this based solely on your side of the story, on words you typed, and yet YOU still can’t see you’re being used.
So fine, go ahead and have sex with her. Or break it off. This will make no difference in my life one way or the other. If you like gratuitous sex whenever your heart desires, then keep her in your life. Heck there could be worse fates than that. But don’t you think for a second that this relationship is going to go anywhere. It’s not.
She refuses to respect your wishes and she’s been cheating on her SO. That wife material right there.
Hey, there’s an idea. You want her out of your life? Stop kicking her to the door. Obviously you don’t have the willpower to pull it off and she just enjoys the thrill of the chase. So ask her to marry you. That should scare the bejezus out of her.
Me, I’d tell her boyfriend. If you want to be chivalvous about it, I’d warn her that if she came by I would call her boyfriend, and then follow through.
And I would be completely honest about it. I’d tell him that the first time you did it, you didn’t know they were together, that you cut it off after you found out, and that you left her alone until she told you that they had broken up. That after you found out that was a lie she still kept coming over, attacking you, you can’t seem to get rid of her. I am SURE he is familiar with this behavior–you think in ten years this is the first time this has happened? Or that she dosen’t pull the same shit on him?
Oh, and that “It’s a male weakness that I’m not proud of” line is bullshit. It’s a way of giving yourself permission to indulge, of saying “I don’t have to fight it, it’s my weakness”. Never let her in the house, period.
Awww…come on Jack, you know this was just an excuse to tell us you gave a girl 4 orgasms…Right?? 
No, seriously though. You are being used. Get rid of her, don’t let her in your house, and threaten to tell her boyfriend if she doesn’t/
NiceGuyJack, RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!
One of two things is happening here:
1. This woman is a cold-hearted snake. To feebly try to pretend that having sex with you never happened is pretty low. She used you, and now would like to just toss you out with the rest of the trash.
2. This woman has some serious emotional problems. She is feeling guilt/regret/whatever over your encounter. While this doesn’t necessarily make her a “bad” person (as option #1 would), it means that you are going to have to “work through” a truckload of problems with her. If you’re up for it, great. But if you value your sanity, don’t do it.
Either way, you’re better off without this person. I seriously recommend severing ALL ties with her. Don’t speak to her, don’t see her, don’t write her. Based on what you’ve said, the relationship that you have with this woman has the propensity to turn into a nightmare is a big hurry. Write her off and move on.
Either way, good luck to ya.
Point the first: Stop knocking the pschottic gfs. I’m a pscho and I understand that isn’t a goodthing in a relationship but I work very hard not to be a USER, there is a difference.
Point the second: Speaking of USERS you seem to have one as a pet. Like people keep lions and tigers and bears. For the conversation value. People get eaten by their pet tigers, even when they have named them Fluffy.
If you want a cheap fuck, you have one. Just don’t delude yourself into thinking this is anysort of a good relationship.
Jack, you’re wearing a condom every time you two fuck, right? Right? This treat sounds like she’s a walking petri dish.
Get tested.
I don’t know. I wish back in my single days I was used so harshly.
Why can’t you be used by any nice girls?
Seriously, if you accept a C ( although this woman sounds like a D- to me ), you’ll never get an A. A nice woman can’t come into your life when you have such a woman as “Ellen” in your bed. Maybe it seems like having her is better than being alone, but you don’t really have her love or her interest beyond you’re a challenging toy that she will play with until she is tired of you or she breaks you or some other girl steals you from her. Is that what you’re waiting for?
Man goes to the doctor. “Doctor, please, you’ve got to help me!” he cries. “I’ve been to a dozen others and none of them could help, you’re my last hope!”
“Well, what seems to be the problem?” the doc asks.
“It hurts when I move my arm like this!” And the man moves his arm in a bizarre twisted double-jointed fashion as his face twists with great pain.
Doctor takes a good long look at him, then nods. “I know just the solution.”
“Please, tell me!”
“Stop moving your arm like that.”
WTF Drastic?