Hi Hazel,
I also enjoy your posts and am sorry to see you hurt. To distract you a bit, may I tell you my story?
I’m a white chick, but am close with my Japanese homestay parents that I met back as a college student. They weren’t able to have kids, so while there is a bit of formality between us, at the same time sometimes they forget and get demanding.
When I moved in with my Japanese boyfriend in NYC at the age of 27 or so, they lost their minds. I went back for a visit, and homestay mom made me swear not to tell ANYONE. They didn’t trust a fellow J-bloke, even! They were both mortified and hugely disappointed.
Then said J-bloke rode the Shinkansen out to meet them and talk mano a mano, and they thought this guy was wonderful. I ultimately broke up with him, and they still think I’m effing nuts to have let such a good mensch get away.
As I got older and the options dwindled, they went from “Marry that guy!” to “Marry someone, FFS” to “Fine! Just have a kid if you can’t find the right guy!” to the most recent “eeeeehhh, marriage is overrated. We don’t mind if you want to just live with a guy. Just make sure he’s not a deadbeat.”
I wonder if your Dad, in his ham-fisted way, is trying to gently shove you two to his desired outcome–to push you sex-crazed kids into marriage? I predict your boyfriend’s meeting with dad will go well. :D:D
Also! You’ll have to gauge your parents’ capacity for self-delusion, but when my bf and I travelled together in Japan, his parents asked if we were sharing a room. He said, “yeah, but there’s 2 beds.”
THEY FELL FOR IT! baw haw haw! I’m telling you, sometimes people will hold on to anything, no matter how flimsy.
I am sorry your Dad talked to you that way, though. All kindsa wrong. And we have the whole “Yeah, I was drunk so I remember NOTHING. NOTHING at all. Nope.” here too.
Let us know how it turns out!