What makes the worst farts?

I’m guessing rare hamburgers, but I’ve heard votes for cabbage and cheese. Cheese just gives me hard turds.

The zookeeper tells people the worst shit, smell wise is lion, because they let meat rot if they aren’t hungry right away, and hide it. To me, monkeys are always hard to stomach, and I was once downwind of a shitting rhino, in a stalled monorail car, and people were puking over the side onto him.
Served him right.


IMHO the worst smelling human generated gas is caused by Canadian beer (which gives some people digestive problems) and pickled eggs. A friend of mine in college once gorged on both of these substances and the next day he suffered the consequences. Let’s see if I can describe this without getting into too much graphic detail…hmmmm… He achieved “lift-off” in the stall (Him: “Houston, we have problem!”, Houston (actually me in the next stall over): “who’s we kemosabe?”). He then proceeded to generate a stench “backdraft” in the men’s room. No one could stand to open the door for hours. I expressed my concern from the adjacent stall by groaning and placing my right hand face up on the floor to give the impression I had passed out, but I had to flee after a few breathless seconds.

Parsnips. :smiley:

Stew with lots of onions and peppers.
I love the stuff, but can only eat it for dinner Friday and Saturday. Can’t risk letting go at work.

No… No… No… Amatuers…

The ultimate recipe is: Velamints, (They’re somewhat hard to find now, I wonder why…), mixed with fig newtons and a beer.

Worked so well in college my friends actually threatened to kick me out of the house if I continued to mix them.

Beer, eggs and popcorn.

Also, Cabbage, yams and any type of beans.

For me, it’s any tomato-based dish with powdered onion seasoning in it. Seperately, I don’t have trouble, but when they are together there must be some kind of bizarre chemical reaction in my gut.

It’s not so much the quantity, but the quality. The stench is absolutely unreal. It brings tears to the eyes. Paint peels from the walls. Goverment agents in Outbreak-style spacesuits come and investigate. Roads are blocked off. Monuments are erected to the victims.

I got two here: Asapragus schnapps (me) and… oh damn, can’t remember it now (Mrs. O).

I had a shot of this stuff at a party; it had apparently been marinating for the better part of two years on a shelf where it had been placed as a curiosity. I asked nicely if I might partake. Response: a filled shotglass and complimentary “It’s your funeral, freakboy.” Said shot downed, odd asparagus taste, pleasant buzz, party on.
Next morning, though… good GOD a’mighty! I had to work but people were begging me to call off sick the rest of the day. They settled for me saying “RUN” when I couldn’t hold back any longer. I swear there shoulda been a hole in the back of my pants.

Mrs. O, however, has a topper. I’m not sure what it was she ate, but the result broke up a crowd in an open square watching a street magician. You really can’t get much better than that. Especially when the bystander right next to her warned all and sundry of their impending doom with the following, at the top of his lungs:

“WHOA, that’s a crowdbuster!!”

If I find out what the hell it was she ate, I’ll post back. I must add, however, that your mileage may vary depending on your digestive system. Mrs. O’s sister apparently has the potential to violate several articles of the Geneva Convention just by eating raw carrots.

Chinese food.

Damnit Olentzero, you made me spew my coffee on the keyboard !

After an all-night birthday party of a friend, I stood in the shower the next morning. I was SO hung over, I must have had 20 bottles at least. My headache was splitting my skull, my mouth was as dry as a camels ass in July, and my bowels were acting funny. You know how you get these stinging pains in your bowels, and they only go away when you fart? THOSE were the pains I’m talking about.

So to ease my pain, I let rip this HUGE, wet-sounding (but not actually wet, thank you) fart. It must have lasted for 4 seconds at least.

My logical flaw was, that I failed to realise that I was in a SMALL, CLOSED, relatively UNVENTILATED room.

I had to brace myself to the walls of the shower cabin to keep from passing out. I almost gagged, and never made it out of the shower SO quick.

It smelled like sulfur, rotten eggs and so much more. I’m telling you, that was what Hell itself must smell like, after the anual Diarrhea Week.

We were in San Diego to attend a training session, the sessions were held in mockups of a ships combat information center. We spent Sunday at a Korean bar, drinking beer, eating kimchee, pickled eggs and some kind of meat (I think it was meat).

Monday morning, we are all cramped up in the mockup and playing simulated war games, and I let out just a little hisser. In less than five seconds everyone is gagging and the fire alarm starts to go off. The fire department arrives and the building is evacuated. They couldn’t find out why the fire alarm went off so they let us go while they checked out the entire system. They were concerned about noxious fumes coming from the batteries in the emergency lighting system.

We went back to the Korean bar.

Steak with A1 sauce followed by hard boiled eggs and root beer.

I used to be stationed in Homestead, FL. The entire building had raised floors - concrete floors with lifts and 2’x2’ floor tiles on top (the computer cables ran underneath). The building was cooled with a forced air system: the air handlers would push air throughout the floor and it would come up underneath the bays holding the various communication equipment we used.

When the guys I worked with knew they were going to be under the floor pulling cables they’d go out the night before and eat pickled eggs and hot wings, and wash it all down with beer.

They used to clear out the entire ops floor :smiley:

With extra sauerkraut.



“Every man likes the smell of his own farts.” ~ Icelandic Proverb.

Olen, Archer…ROTFLMFAO!!! :slight_smile:

All you folks who thought you had the answer have obviously never had this stuff. One serving has about 850 calories, and for the next 2 days you will have the most disgusting, rotten gas that any human being could possibly have!!!
Don’t believe me? Go buy a can and try it!! It actually taste pretty good.

But, uh, don’t have any social engagements planned for the next 48 hours.:smiley:

No, no, no… beer is only the propellant! It is rotting vegetable matter that produces the aeromatic flavors! Not enough in beer alone to produce adequate EPA hazards. Therefore a mix of Stag beer and raw cauliflower is needed in order to create a “less than socially acceptable” day.


I consider this an EXTREME badge of honor. Considering WallyM7 could get people to do this on a regular basis, I take pride in having done it at least once on this board.

Glad you liked it too, Nacho4Sara. Also good to see you still around!

Anyway, here’s the update I promised. Mrs. O said the offensive substance in question was prune juice - mass quantities consumed in short periods of time. So it looks like vegetable and fruit matter lead the pack here, slightly ahead of spices and pickling brine. Alcohol apparently provides enough fermentative gases to ensure maximum diffusion. What about it, guys? You think I’m close on this one?

Thanks, Olen!

So it looks like one of us is going to have to devour…

  1. cauliflower,
  2. chinese food,
  3. onion-pepper-parsnip stew,
  4. kimchee,
  5. pickled eggs,
  6. hot wings,
  7. a reuban sandwich w/extra sauerkraut, and
  8. food lion chili,

washed down with apsaragus schnapps and cheap Canadian beer, all in the name of science.

I’d volunteer but I have a small stomach and a sensitive one at that, so I’d probably spew before I got to #3. However, one of us must. Any volunteers?

Another question: have you ever emmitted a fart so noxious, so toxic, so horrifically repulsively spew-inducing that you actually enjoyed it? Like, you kept sniffing because you were proud?

Or is that just me?