Ever seen those little stickers they put on apples with like, the logo of the farmer or the company or whatever it is? They’re usually circular, and maybe half a cm around.
I saw one once with a little arrow on it as if to say, ‘pull here to remove’.
I couldn’t stop laughing for hours.
Nuke-you-lure power plants.
They’re so damn safe, who cares if you mess up!
Considering how many guys I know who think their penises (can I say penis here? Mods, please edit as necessary) are “too big for condoms” because they keep breaking, I vote for keeping the instructions on the packages. And maybe adding some instructions on the need for lubricant.
[I believe the plural for “penis” is “penii”-Czarcasm :)]
[Edited by Czarcasm on 05-27-2001 at 11:29 AM]
Seriously …
Transistor radios – the type with just a tuning knob. volume knob, and AM/FM switch.
Simple calculators that don’t have trig functions.
Soap. Really, I’ve seen instructions on bar soap.
Simple flashlights.
This gets back to an old, old thread about Depression-style habits that your parents or grandparents still have (wish I could find it), but … how many of you have 'rents that save the instruction sheet for very simple appliances or objects, “njust in case …”
Well, sometimes those dessicant packets are included with food items. Every package of sushi nori has one. I imagine the companies that make the dessicant packets don’t bother to make two kinds of packets, they just print “do not eat” on all of them to save money. But it is strange to get a pair of shoes and then being told not to eat the package.
You mean I can stop?
So John, how did it taste? 
Of course you are correct. My post was supposed to convey light hearted comedic annoyance and not to imply that it is outside the realm of possibility for an intelligent person to accidentally consume an unlabeled dangerous substance.
Just as I’m sure Steven Wright does not truly wonder if a speeding tractor trailer full of cars should get a ticket for each car in the trailer.
Meat.
We’ve been eating meat for thousands of years, and now we have to have instructions telling us to:
Hello? [knocking on someone’s virtual skull] Anyone home? I’ve been cooking meat for almost three decades, and I’ve never needed handling instructions.
An interesting post from someone who just regaled us with tales of stomach problems in another thread 
Given that the theory of germs is only 100 years or so old, and people used to hang meat (especially poultry) up for aging and tenderizing until it rotted off the string, I’m thinking that this is not as intuitive as you might guess.
Hey Elmwood, search for “Was the Depression so enjoyable you want it to last forever, Mom?” with the anydate setting. I’m sorry I don’t know how to link. Or spell.
Ironic, isn’t it?
Yuppers! Wonderful thread, wasn’t it?
American Processed Cheese Food.
The little individually wrapped slices have little arrows that instruct you to pull in a particular place, thus [gasp!] opening the package. Come on, folks.
Also (I can’t believe that I forgot this) answering machines. Everybody’s answering machines still have instructions as to how to leave a message for the owner, a skill that I think most people skilled in phone usage have attained.
In one of the bathrooms at my college, someone has vandalized one of the blow hand dryers. They added a fourth step that reads, “Wipe hands on pants.” Truer words were never scratched into a hand dryer.
I always liked directions for candies and such where the last step is “Enjoy.” So warm and fuzzy.
And of course, (can’t believe no one else has mentioned this yet) the warnings on dry cleaning bags, and other plastic bags warning “This bag is not a toy. Do not place in a crib with a child. Suffocation may result.” I just don’t get it. It might make a little sense if these warnings were printed on bags that toys came in, but they’re on everything. Who brings their dry cleaning home, takes off the wrapper and thinks, “You know what, it would be a shame to just throw this away. Little Billy would just love it though!”
Cuz little kids get into EVERYTHING. And many people don’t toss things out right away that should be tossed out right away. And cuz certainly some dumbass kid of dumbass parents did crawl into said bag and suffocated at some point.
my hair dryer has a tag on it that says:
do not use while sleeping.
Tampons.
Does that diagram help at all, in any way, shape or form?
Cyn, when I was young and found my mother’s tampons, I remember reading the insert and not understanding that what I was seeing was a cuataway view with a crosssection of the vagina. For a while, then, I thought adult women had some sort of weird opening in their upper outer thighs.
In defense of instructions… I am one of these people who us (supposedly) bright, but I completely lack horse sense of any type. I mean, I will look through 5 cookbooks trying to find one which will tell me how to cook corn on the cob. This is still true the 10th time in a season I am trying to boil some up. (Do I cover them with water all the way? Do I put a lid on the pot? How long does it need to boil? etc etc). My husband has to help me with the plastic “sippee” lids on styrofoam cups. That sort of thing. The more instructions the better when it comes to people like me.
I think the real problem is, the people who are truly idiots (who are most likely to misuse a product with disastrous results, and then be shameless enough to pursue litigation about it) are probably too damned foolish to read instructions anyway.
Reminds me----we were each given a documented medication error to analyze in Nursing school, and I drew this.
A newly graduated nurse was passing meds and got the last pill out of the bottle. It was unfamiliar-looking, but she had not lots of experience. After giving it to her patient, it still bugs her. She looks it up and finds a pic…boy, does it look different. She show it to her charge nurse and describes what she gave. Um. Yeah. A silica gel capsule.