Well hell…I STILL haven’t figgered where to shove 'em…
…d&r…
Chainsaws…but not all of the instructions. Just the part that says “Do not attempt to stop blade with hands or genitals.” Most would probably take this for granted…
In a society as litigeous as ours, every manufacturer is doing it’s part to be as certain as possible it’s ass is covered against possible lawsuit in case some dipstick harms him/herself using a product outside it’s normal scope.
I find the warnings most amusing. I hope they help perfectly reasonable manufacturers from being sued by people too stupid to operate oxygen. Actually, I hope that the warnings give ideas to the brain dead. The more people stupid enough to remove their genitalia “accidentally” with a chainsaw, the higher the average IQ on the planet.
b.
I saw on one of those reality shows a segment about a 10-year-old who was badly burnt when a roman candle he was holding as it went off backfired on him. The “father” of the child had
- Suggested to the child this course of action.
- Videotaped it.
- Sent the videotape into the show.
- Been interviewed on-camera so that he could warn other parents against doing this.
This man is the reason for warnings such as those listed. As I was watching it, I turned to my girlfriend at the time and remarked that the boy should be removed from his father’s care, not because of this incident, but because the man was obviously too stupid to properly care for any child.
My favorite one is Pez Dispensers. How hard is it to load one? Also anything where you just put in batteries for it to work.
Here’s great site for these: http://www.jura.uni-hamburg.de/~le/hendrik/useless/instructions.htm
OK, one more:
Everybody should be aware that the U.S. armed forces use at least one type of mine which has printed on it “This Side Toward Enemy” or words to that effect.
Look, I understand that they have a lot on their minds in combat, but really.
Well, we really only need to be aware of that if we are going somewhere were the use of landmines is required.
Anyway, its called a Claymore mine. When it explodes, it sends shrapnel in one direction only (as opposed to simply exploding in all directions like grenade. The label is so you know which side is which and don’t accidently blow up your own position.
Telephones.
They certainly need instructions - that’s the problem. Apparently designing an intuitive phone system is a supremely difficult task - I’ve never seen it done. I work with hundreds of very bright engineers, and very few of them ever use more then 20% of the fancy features on their phones.
What we need is a phone system that doesn’t come with instructions - because they aren’t needed.