When there was a thread titled “Crap future X-men movie mutants” I suggested this:
Meta - a mutant with the ability to turn normal people into mutants, but their only ability would be the ability to turn other people into mutants.
Wasn’t this a movie plot?
Another horrible power: You can see behind you. What this means is, you can see your own back, as if you were a person standing very, very closely behind you. Useful to see if you have a stain on your back, but that’s it.
Or: you can make all of your hair all over your body fall out at once.
A fun one would be making eveything bounce like rubber.
Worst super power?
Earlobes tingle in the presence of cottage cheese.
or the corrolary, a mutant with the power to turn other mutants into regular people
how about the ability to translate the language of common household pets into the language of horseshoe crabs
the ability to command the loyalty of nitrosomonas and nitrobacter bacteria
The Decimator: Has the ability to destroy one-tenth of anything, but only that much. When the enemy/evil headquarters is decimated, he goes for it again, but he can still only get rid of one-tenth. This continues on in Zeno’s Paradox fashion, so that he can never really destroy anything, just reduce it.
In other words, by repeated applications, he can destroy nearly one-ninth of something.
I like the ones where there is probably a good use for them, but it is hard to work out. Like the ability to change dairy products from one type to another. Milk to cheese to yoghurt to butter etc.
Smell impersonation would be interesting, you can smell exactly like anything else.
The ability to sneeze on command.
The ability to keep any fire going, while underwater. 
In the movie Mystery Men they had a superhero whose power was the ability to turn invisible - but it only worked when nobody was looking at him.
You could have the power of the human torch from the Fantastic Four, but you can’t control it. It just happens randomly, like spontaneous combustion. Worse yet, you’re not immune to it, so every so often throughout your day you’ll suddenly burst into flames and then have to throw yourself to the ground to put it out.
Exactly.
What about wrong-way telepathy? I think Alfred Bester had this idea first. Although it would come in hand if the bad guy tied you up and stuck a sock in your mouth and revealed his secret plan and then the hero came in and you had to tell him the secret plan. Also if you’re funny you could make people laugh in embarrassing situations. But that’s about it.
Except for the part about not revealing that he was asleep, my grandfather had this power. At least he did until he didn’t wake up from it.
“I am the Decimator! Tremble before my ability to cause significant property damage and drive up your insurance rates!”
Super Spleen Man - SSM’s spleen has the power to filter twice as much stuff as a regular man.
Toenail Man - His toenails become invisible at will.
The Block Drawing Man - Has the power to draw a not-so-perfect line drawing of a block in less then 4 hours with his eyes closed.
Half inch taller man - Can grow one half inch taller at will.
The Shade Shifting Bone Man - Can change the colour of his bones.
The Human Bee Gee - Has the ability to sing any Bee Gee’s song forward or backwards!
How about Mathematical Fuck-Up Man? He fails to realize that 0.9 * 0.9 * 0.9 is already a sight smaller than 0.888…, and gets several people to agree with him on a message board without any of them spending thirty seconds doing a few sums. :dubious:
Alternatively, I always liked “Man-Spider”. He’s a spider who has the proportionate strength of a spider-sized man, plus all the special abilities of a man.
I remember that thread, it seems to have vanished (Winter of our Lost Content?). The mutant power I still remember from it:
“Meteor Attractor Boy – only used his power once.”
Yeah,the Decimator isn’t so bad – he can’t destroy anything completely, but with enough chances, he can destroy anything to whatever degree you want.
After 7 shots, the whatzit is now less than half a whatzit. Somewhere around 22 shots and it’s only a 100-milliwhatzits.
(how about the Superpower of being able to correct math mistakes in pointless joke threads?)
Retroejcaculation!
I remember that too. My favorite one was:
The power to shake exactly two pills out of any jar containing two or more pills.