What would be your response if called by Hollywood execs tomorrow and asked to host the Oscars?

Supposing they called you up at home and explained to you that they like what they see in you, and feel you’re just what the Academy needs as a host next year for the Oscars. Would you agree to do so?

I’d say yes before they were done asking. Fuck yeah.

Assuming you had to come up with ALL of your own material for your monologue, skits, etc. , and can’t use any writers.

How much are they offering? I won’t do it for free, but if the money is right, I’m there.

That seems unfair, as the real hosts get tons of writers and other help.

Assuming I’m not flying blind, and have some experience, skills, and talent in the performing arts (which in fact I do, but not enough to be asked to host anything beyond the local Bingo) and that I’d be paid a shitload of money for it, then yes. I don’t have a reputation hanging by a thread, I am a weird-looking nerd with a foreign accent, but apparently they knew that when they requested me, and it’s a one-time thing that I think I could handle, so why not?

I’d assume it was a joke and hang up.

Accept, and then do it in the unique style of the unspeakable Heathcliffe.

Assuming I had access to professional writers, WTH not?

Sure. I’ve done more potentially embarrassing and nerve racking things before, but I would require a stylist. I have no innate fashion sense.

This.

I’m not into popular culture at all, and apart from one or two exceptions, wouldn’t even recognise any of the names or faces of movie-stars of the last twenty or thirty years let alone the previous year’s crop.

Which, on reflection, might make me a FANTASTIC host for the Oscars. :smiley:

After waking up from laughing myself unconscious, I’d say no.

Yeah, if they said no writers, no way. Unless I could be sneaky like and open a thread in Cafe Society where the Dopers write the Oscars. 'Cause that would be awesomesauce.

But with writers? Oh, heck yeah. Why not?

I’d say no. For the same reason we would all hate it if Snowboarder Bo said yes and it turned out to not be a joke.

I don’t answer the phone if I don’t recognize the number. If they left a message I would just ignore it, assuming it was some sort of telemarketing scam.

Yeah I guess I’ll do it. But Sunday’s no good for me any chance of changing that?

Free money to hang out with hot celebrities for an evening? Do I get the gift bag too?

I mean, sure, why not, I’ve done sillier things for less money that took more time.

No. I don’t like being on TV.

Absolutely not. I have no desire for that kind of fame or national attention. That’s a large part of why I didn’t pursue a career in music or acting when I really wanted to.

“Are you high?”

Or words to that effect.

Could I* influence* the results for bribes?