Gimmie a chance, and I’ll do more than that! 
I’ll bet you say that to all the newbies…
Only to the: Extremely single female, veggie, but nice about it. Redheaded–for the next five minutes or so. Two eyes, ears, legs and arms–all in good working condition. Enjoys campy/funny Sci-fi (like Firefly, long as it lasts). Reads waaaaay too much. Likes hiking in the local metro park and eating cake. Has Masters in English, and still can’t spell. Doesn’t smoke, or drink, ones. Psst! I grew up in New Albany, OH, back before it became the snooty place it is now!
SWM, 30 years old and straight. 6’1", 225 lbs, brown hair, brown eyes. Big guy. Wiseass, moody, with a strong penchant for road trips and dark music. Plays an instrument or two, loves to sing but can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Wellspring of useless scientific trivia, pompously refers to this tendency as “loving knowledge for its own sake.” Looks dumb in hats, loves playing sports, generally hates watching them. Can paddle a mean canoe. Easily annoyed by traffic, commercials, rudeness. In constant company of one book or another, so I hope you don’t get jealous!
Gay male, 17 years old. 6’1’’, 150 lbs. A bit on the skinny side. Lazy and subject to erratic behavior; often takes random highways for the sheer hell of it and wanders about aimlessly.
Has a rather cold disposition, but has a freakishly quick temper on occasion. Will be brutally honest when necessary, and sometimes when not necessary. Loves music to a fault and often blasts Bikini Kill or Sleater-Kinney while singing along in traffic like a giant dork. Is incredibly loyal to close friends, and will never do anything to intentionally hurt or offend a potential mate unless provoked. Has a dark, wicked sense of humor, and spends hours a day on the phone . Can easily be caused to laugh like a crazy person.
Is extremely ambitious and driven to make money, but likes to sometimes blow everything off, stay home, and sleep for eighteen hours. Runs on caffeine and energy drinks, and can often be seen hurtling towards school eating a Reese’s Fast Break for breakfast between swigs of Frappuccino. Is extremely compulsive, almost manic, about some things and oddly apathetic about others. Is easier to get into bed than he would like to be, but will pull the “grab and twist” if I feel like I’m being used. Is enthusiastically seeking someone for any kind of relationship.
Cool calm and collected lunatic schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur, FileMaker database solutions designing skills, decent piano player and composer, acid tripper, religious visionary and messiah wannabe, radical feminist sissy type dude who likes to write social theory seeks female person of legal age and surpassing brilliance, capable of supporting herself in the style to which she is accustomed, strong-willed stubborn and emotionally self-reliant by habit and necessity but kinda fond of companionship and male bodies especially when they coincide, to form partnership of primary or secondary nature, nonpossessive and nonmonogamous but presumably permanent if mutually satisfactory. Entirely nice and satisfactory if she doesn’t dye her grey hair, shave her legs, or own less than a single pair of nylons or high heeled shoes.
Non-polyamorous persons acceptable if nonpossessive and nonjealous. A fondness for mutual back rubs & massages, hard rock and classical, multiple and experimental cuisines, Macintosh computers, anarchic political persuasions, and a gut-level revulsion for everything poststructuralist/deconstructionist in theoretical writings would be returned in kind.
I’m 44 going on 110. I tend toward 4-year stands but it would be nice to put down some roots. Intermittent boyfriends, girlfriends, or periods of chastity or sexual disinterest on your part would not intefere with their growth.
Fat bald misanthrope seeks unfussy goer with big tits whos not afraid of the hoover. Send photo of tits.
Built like Tinkerbelle ie short and curvy. Green eyed redhead. Fraud analyst by day, net junkie by night. An ex once called me the ‘punk rock girly girl’ and he was right. Can you handle a girl who plays hockey but collects dolphin items? Who can quote MST3K and Ric Flair? Who knows the definitions of account takeover, penalty shot and the Van Terminator? Sweetie to some, smartass to all.
25 year old burned out grad student. Company alternates between fabulous gay males you must not show jealousy towards, and hopeless rednecks with a propensity for kicking your ass. Moving on an “eccentric old cat-lady” trajectory at an alarming rate, and thus converses with animals as a matter of course. Shoe-aholic, bring your own closet space. Designates an inordinate amount of time to geek/music to kill yourself by music including Lyle Lovett, They Might Be Giants, OK Go, Nick Cave, Nick Drake, Wilco, and Quasi. Television now lives on the porch, though before it’s demise, it played movies such as “Pump up the Volume,” “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,” and “Clueless” with alarming regularity. Takes up hobbies at random, is antisocial, but loves clubs and concerts.
Seeks man of learning who possesses an understanding of the importance of dark beer and good chocolate. Workman’s heart and scientist’s mind highly desirable. Send picture of toolbelt.
AHUNTER3,
How YOU doin’?
SWM, 20 years old, 6’0", 180 lbs. Blonde hair, blue eyes, glasses. A little bit of acne that just won’t go away. Hopeless geek, full time engineering student, and part time IT weenie. Shy until you get to know me, then I won’t shut up. Intelligent but inarticulate. Watches far too much TV, spends too much time on the internet. Has no idea what he wants in a relationship. Jumps out of planes for the thrill of it.
Hey, now! I didn’t say I don’t like short guys; humour and intelligence are always the most important characteristics.
So, Lindy, how YOU doin’?
I don’t believe I said that. I’ve never said that. Did I say that?
GWM, 44, 5’11" (180cm) 185 lbs (84kg) dark hair, worn long, glasses, full beard and 'stache, pierced left nipple. Bearish build. I love to read and write, especially SF&F literature. I square dance (Mainstream level, both positions, gay styling) and motorbike. I am Wiccan, too.
Looking for similar tho diversity is good. You must tolerate some of my kinky fetishes. I have a strong need to be appreciated, can you help me out? I’m a grad student who’s working on his MA in anthropology and will be moving somewhere for my PhD work in the near future. Do you want to come along?
WF 37. Stringy hair, Loosing teeth, Fluxuating weight (I will never be my mother) Pot & cigarette smoker, One grown kid, Cronicly depressed with Many self doubt issues.Part time employeed in seasonal profession Seeks Man for long term relationship (I liked being married) or either gender for boody call.
Perfectionists need not apply (my self image just can’t live up)
If your hair is grey, come over my way!
SHF glasses wearing person with dyed strawberry blond hair, brown eyes, sarcastic and mouthy, occassionally artistic.
Works at a nursing home, maintains a live journal and likes to play video games every so often. Reads Science Fiction and History with equal avidity. 5’8" 200lbs. Listens to lots of alternative and classic rock with a side of Crowded House.
Hi Folks,
I’m bumping this thread for those single Dopers who haven’t seen it yet. I’ve read thru the ones that you folks have written, and am now convinced that you are all a bunch of well-spoken loons. Your eloquence inspires me to re-write my own words, and consider actually posting them on some dating site.
Revised:
Female 33, long blonde hair, mostly trim figure, member of the IBTC, can be aggressive at times, can be lots of fun other times, one small son.
Always hard working and happy to be that way, I like to goof off too, and for some reason I really like to build things, or make things. I’m a tech head, with occasional esoteric hobbies, closet weather geek, and I read WAY too often (fiction, fantasy, science fiction).
I’m outgoing, occasionally hot tempered, easily mollified unless insulted, and usually easy to be around, and quite susceptible to bribery by chocolate . I happily smoke the green herb but would really like to quit smoking any kind of cigs.
Mine reads:
Really,see for yourself
30 yr old unemployed writer on disability for depression, clueless and forlorn, hates children and HGTV, likes to spend most of his time alone and has real issues with the opposite sex.
Lazy and uninspired, I have no material ambitions and desire to spend my life reading pretentious books and staring at the floor in philosophical speculation. As a recovering drug addict I loathe bars and nightlife, prefering to stay home or go to a bookstore to browse while you almost certainly stand there pissed and bored wondeing why I have a keen interest in the Nazis and the Holocaust.
Having had sex used against me on several occasions I now prefer to masturbate while looking at pictures of feet on the Internet. I can cook very well but seldom do, prefering instead to spend money on cigarettes and pepsi. I am physically in ok shape but i am getting a gut and have hair on my back that is just ewwww.
My penis is above-average but thick but not to worry because unless you catch me burping the baby to a pic of some silicone-missile-titted babe’s feet online you won’t see it unless I feel randy, which because of my high-mg dosage of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills is now as visible as Osama Bin Laden.
I am a good listner but may find myself distracted as you speak, scanning your face for zits i could pop or some hideous scar that gives me the willies and I can use as some sort of physio-psychological catalyst to loose interest in you and therefore avoid any commitment.
If your mom or sister is good looking, I will think about them while having sex with you.
I will secretly mock your value-system and while we lie in bed after a sexless evening I will start to imagine what life would be without you around and how free I would be to shag other women I couldn’t get even if I was single but like to think I can get so as to find an excuse to Move On, or See Other People, which is really the way I avoid commitment and try to weasel out of yet another relationship I jumped into because I didn’t want to die alone, smoking and pepsi-stained, Jenna Jameson’s feet forever burned into my monitor screen, my liver a shirivled husk from years of pills, in my bachelor apartment with the Foucault books under the endtable, my backhair un-Neeted, the final words on my blue lips being…
" I miss having a girlfriend"
a gay wiccan squaredancer…lol…
sorry F but i burst out laughing when i saw that. no insult intended seriously
WHOA WHOA WHOA… There’s such a thing as an HONEST personal ad?