What would your Honest personal ad say?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
221

SWF 16yo Scorpio. Blonde with brown eyes nice boobs and great ass (So I have been told, I personally don’t think so.) Thin but not anorexic. (Nice curves) High school Junior who is smarter than average high school students, IMHO. Likes every kind of music and loves going to concerts. Likes reading Tom Robbins and is starting Vonnegut. Nonsmoker, non drug user, and social drinker. Very quirky, extroverted, and wild, but very calm and introverted in relationships. Has a tendency to pamper her mate. Mostly dates hippies and goths.

Seeks SWM who is funny, ambitious, smart, and will call back on time. Aged 17-24. Guys with long hair or dreads (esp!) need apply.

E-mail me if this is you.

222

DWM 35~40 5’11, 150#. hazel eyes, long blond hair. Musician. Professional computer wrangler. Part-time father to a brilliant, beautiful daughter. Hobbies include sea kayaking most of the year, mountain biking and playing stringed instruments, writing songs. I love to sing and do it well. I have a cat, a frog, a turtle, and fish. Drill press in the living room.

No interest in professional sports. At all. Non cigarette smoker, occasional drunker. No god. Much coffee, no phone calls during “The West Wing”.

I have good references from all past relationships.
I do not cook, but will gladly do the dishes.

Seeks younger woman to share adventures. Must like sushi. Prefer women with some Jimi experience. Camping skills a must.

223

Haven’t I dated you? :confused:

224

I’m so proud of my 100th post above im gonna restart this thread.

it was a moment of creative glory people, le the sad man have is fun.

225

Slightly neurotic SDF, 33, Canadian. 5’2", size 12/14. Not sure about weight, and don’t really care. A bit of a potbelly, that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. Black hair, blue eyes, very pale skin, huge rack, puts out. I have a penchant for dressing all in black. Light smoker, social drinker, occasional pot smoker. I love camping, video games, bowling, dancing, playing pool, or just cuddling up on the couch watching a movie. All of which, IMHO, are enhanced with a couple of beers. I’m into dark/harsh music, but will happily tolerate anything except country. People with no sense of humor and liars need not apply. Wierdos ok, since I am one too. :slight_smile:

226

This thread, more than any I’ve read here, makes me wish I’d found SDMB years sooner. Partly because there were some lines in some people’s ads (and even some ads, themselves) that I would really love to respond to, but it doesn’t seem appropriate. Some of those people may not even be around, any more. And, others may be wishing they’d never posted theirs.

It’s also partly because of what I learned about the amazing bunch of people we have on this board. Reading this thread was touching, amusing, confusing, edifying, gratifying, at times electrifying, and, at times, sad. So many styles. So many worthwhile stories. So many backgrounds and personality types and professions and self-descriptions it boggles the mind.

I hope this thread continues indefinitely. I hope everyone reads it. And, I hope people keep making those connections.

227

:smiley:

228

Not really on the lookout for love, but this is a great thread and looks like fun:

Classy broad, 22, seeks man with a healthy sense of the absurd.

I am happy playing cards, playing charades, going to dinner and the theatre, going to a concert, dancin’, and/or working out a practical algorithm for braiding my toes. I’m decent entertainment, even if I’m my only audience. My enthusiasm and flexibility lead to a huge store of random trivia, but when it comes to true expertise I tend to flake out early. I’m pretty laid back, and seek same. Geeks welcome (even encouraged) but if you are actually afraid of the outdoors during daylight hours, don’t expect a picket fence and 2.3 geeklets. Despite this preference, I don’t like playing video games, if you do, that’s solo time- I get to watch Sex in the City season 2 in the other room. We’ll get takeout together later!

You: Confidence and self assurance are top of the list, especially if based on actual talent and/or meritorious conduct. Fair to middling social skills also helpful. Should come complete with own set of friends. Looks flexible, though classic TD&H is looked on with favor. Chemistry is important. Mustn’t take self too seriously, and no applicants with active Oedipal complexes- If the word “Oedipal” makes you chuckle a little, drop me a line. I’m an incorrigible flirt (so quit incorriging me!) and can’t be trusted not to make terrible puns…

229

I enjoy walking to and fro upon the earth, and up and down in it. Seeks voluptuous Female Sub.

230

25 male, No hair and green eyes. Isolationist with compatability problems due to mental hang ups and lack of social skills. Good looking, healthy and in posession of all my teeth. (wisdom teeth not withstanding)
Hang ups include- Insecurity intellectually and physically, paranoia, and absolute feelings of failure of life.

Skills include- Nothing.
Job- Slave Labor
Education- Huh?
Goals in life- Too many for my abilities

Seeking a woman that is obviously too good for myself. Intelligence is a MUST. The smarter the better. She much care about herself in mind and body, love to exercise and enjoy the outdoors. Open mindedness and a willingness to seek adventure and spontinuity. There is such a thing as TOO beautiful, but not too smart, and definatly not too much fun. Friend, teacher/student, and lover, in that order.

If you don’t want to LIVE, are happy with just settling for what is, and have no interest in being the best that you/we can be, then you are probably not for me. Feel free to respond. More than likely you will exchange a couple emails with myself and stop writing when somebody with a personality comes along.

231

Originally by Mothchunks

I asked at Quizno’s cause I wasn’t sure how to determine the gender of a sub…turns out if it has “meat” it’s a pretty safe bet it’s a dude…

smacks self upside head for idiot comment and threadjacking, thereby saving everyone else the trouble :smiley:

232

27, SWM, 6’, 180, short brown hair (curly when longer), green eyes, glasses, buck teeth, slightly acne scarred, burned-out Dot-commie computer geek. Desperately, hilariously under-employed. Currently living with his parents - cares more about his fast car and flashy motorcycle than having his own place. Relentlessly critical, self-doubtful, whiner. Also intelligent and sometimes startlingly insightful and funny. Frustrated writer, guitar player. Seeks 20-30 SWM geekette of any race with no attachments and no major issues for death-matching, movie watching, whining about the economy, jogging, wine-drinking, sitting by the fire, and athletic sex. Must be tolerant of vaguely libertarian/democrat beliefs. Must be local. Long hair preferred, not picky about color. NO LITTLE GIRLS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS. Don’t call, use email.

Picture.
-Ben

233

GWM, 34, 5’10", 175#, 34" waist (and growing). Loves sci-fi, Disney, c/w music and dancing, Medieval recreationism, being social, dinner with friends, gaming (board, card, RPG), reading, involved in community, liberal, has a good job. Plusses: Usually funny, smart, honest, relatively attractive, knows limits, fun at parties, fun & cheap date, easy to get into bed, responsible, usually energetic, generally happy. Minuses: Doesn’t go to the gym, talks too much and too loud, sings at the drop of a hat, not enough motivation, unclear career goals, can get annoying after a while, sometimes blunt or too honest, overcommitted, cranky in the mornings, drinks too much tea. Looking for: Physically - prefer Asians, but Latinos, white and black all have a chance. Prefer men shorter than me with black hair, but the details aren’t as important as the person. 18-45 years is about my range. I don’t usually know what I’ll find attractive until I see it; mentally - career/money irrelevant, need to have a sense of humor, must be sexually compatible; relationship - still looking and not exactly sure what I want, but I’ll know when I find it. Sex isn’t a requirement right away, but I probably wouldn’t say no if there’s chemistry. Yes, I can be friends afterwards if it doesn’t work out. My quote: “I’m looking for sex tonight, a friend tomorrow and a lover for forever - how about it?”

Esprix

234

The attractiveness of a poster is directly proportional to their distance.

235

Ok, I haven’t gotten through all of these yet, but here goes:

SWF (well, divorced) ISO SWM

Me: Compulsive thinker. Note: this does not mean I am particularly intelligent, simply that I have a tendency to think very mundane things, all the time. 5’9", not fat, but not thin (size 16, iffen you must know). Variable hair color, right now a soft red. Blue eyes. Warm heart. Too much love for most men to handle. Two children, one cat, one dog, three sheep. The epitome of a farm woman, minus a large farm. Love ridiculous TV shows, am a sucker for Survivor and American Idol. Love movies, but horribly non-discriminating. Quite possibly the reason I do so well teaching high school students is because I have the sense of humor of a teenage boy. Love David Baldacci, Stephen King, Harlan Coben, Nora Robers, Olivia Goldsmith, Jennifer Cruisie… heck, I love to read contemporary fiction.

You: Over 6’0", farmer, loves card games (Euchre… I do live in Indiana), board games, word games, lounging on the couch at the end of the day. Must be able to endure back massages, shoulder massages, a number of ridiculous little gifts, terrible jokes; generally of a sexual nature, lots of warm, comfortable, giggly sometimes sex :slight_smile: Dark hair/blue eyes a plus. Must enjoy your job, would help if you could support yourself financially.

236

Me: SWM 27, 5’11’’, 185.

Pros: Above average but not stellar intelligence, fairly attractive, good job (for now), very eager to please, accomodating almost to the point of being passive, really digs animals, music (play and listen), possess some cooking ability, come from a near wealthy family.

Cons: Raging alcoholic, pack a day smoker, slob*, no emotional currency, will run a vehicle into something ever 3 months, ambivilent on spiritual matters, HATE KIDS, play far too much Play Station, madly addicted to NASCAR and I bite my fucking arm hair (it’s getting better!). Oh, and I will say the most mindless things that are funny to about 3 people, and it will take you a year at least to catch on.

You: Pixie who tolerates/appreciates me.

*this is not 100% the result of laziness. I have a disease that does not allow me to register what is trash and where things belong. I have to take 5 passes over a counter before I actually remove everything that doesn’t belong and I would RATHER have the clothes on the floor since it makes it easier to pick out what to wear. Also, there is no logical reason to make up a bed.

237

Dang, Simply_Cats! Lemme work on that -finding- a job thing (to enjoy) and growing an inch and a half, and… How YOU doin’? :slight_smile:

BTW- Wouldn’t it mean that the job would be ‘farmer’, or is there some other context of the term I’m not familiar with?

238

Well, I use the term “farmer” to mean anyone who has something of a country-life background. Can you look at a field and admire the black dirt? Do you appreciate a woman whose favorite bath gel and body spray is scented like fresh clover? Can you find God more readily while you are laying out among the dandelions rather than in a church?

If so, I am your girl! :slight_smile:

239

Simply_cats

Gotta admit, the idea does have charm to it. I’ve never lived on a farm, being a suburbanite all my life, but I do think all the things you’ve said sound pretty darn good to me.

Make or break factor, though- favorite films / books / plays / other forms of entertainment. Whatcha got?

240

I am easily entertained, here are a few of my favorite things :slight_smile:

Books: romantic novels, trashy romances, courtroom dramas, thrillers… right now I am on a Harlan Coben binge. Some of my favorite books include Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged (so shoot me, I like 'em). Winds of War by Herman Wouk (love this book, reading it for the third time). I like a lot of books… there isn’t much that I won’t attempt to read, although I tend to read a lot of bestsellers right now. I prefer David Baldacci to John Grisham. I took my Novels class to see the movie Holes… I’m kind of all over the board with literature.

Movies: The more idiotic, the better. American Pie, Porky’s, Road Trip, Not Another Teen Movie… if it is sophomoric and centers on poorly masked sexual innuendo, I’m usually loving it. I like chick flicks, dramas, westerns (let’s face it, there will never be another like John Wayne). Again, kind of all over the board.

I love going to see plays, but I rarely indulge in that particular entertainment.

I have a large collection of movies, nothing too serious or critically acclaimed, but I watch them over and over. I’m currently gearing up to go see A Mighty Wind, as I loved Best in Show.

I like TV. I generally avoid Springer-esque shows, but I do dearly love Survivor and American Idol. I freely admit I watched Joe Millionaire, although it was mostly for the creative FOX editing.

That is my entertainment views in a nutshell. Think anyone else is caring about our little exchange here?

You know, you could make my day and say that this is exactly your entertainment views, you live not only in Indiana, but in CLINTON COUNTY! Although, now that I think of it, there are no suburbs in CC…