Well, two of them I avoid at all costs, lest I get angry, and one, I’ve tried on a couple of occasions to remedy the relationship…to no avail.
I know that as a human being I can’t please everyone all the time, but also as a human being it hurts to know there’s someone out there saying “that jarbaby is such a bitch” icky. I don’t like people to feel that way.
Cervaise! I love you with all my heart! I think they detained the Till Lindemann real doll in some mailroom…
See, it would only hurt my feelings if it were someone I really liked and respected to begin with. When Jodi and I were locking heads post 9/11, we both still liked and respected each other, even when we strongly disagreed. If she or SuaSponte or you or Cranky suddenly posted “That magdalene is dumber than roadkill” it would bug me. But someone I’ve never met or really interacted with not liking my posts on an internet message board? Sheesh, I think I can handle it. I dish it out enough, for goodness’ sake, and I certainly don’t think the people I’ve tangled with in the Pit carry grudges elsewhere on the boards or really dwell on it much off the boards. Sometimes there have been email exchanges to the effect of “I generally really like you, I just didn’t like what you SAID that one time” that seems to clear everything up.
Jarbabyj, I think one of the things we learned from the Oprah thread is that any prominent, vocal person will have both admirers and detractors. You are prominent on the boards, you take some unpopular opinions and defend them with wit and valor, you post sometimes for shock and sheer entertainment value. Not everyone loves that in a person. What’s the big deal? Maybe you and the big O have more in common than you think.
I think half of the people who know who I am here hate me, and the other half love me. I’ve got a couple of theories as to why, but I’ll not get into that here.
How do I react to those who don’t seem to like me or what I am saying? If I’m busy, I ignore them. If I’m feeling rowdy, I’ll flame them. If they misunderstand me, I’ll try to enlighten them. In the end, I only engage in activities which are enjoyable or essential. So, since the internet is not essential, I keep it enjoyable. If I aint having fun I 'm not going to waste too many words or thoughts.
Flaming can be fun and a good vent. So I don’t mind if an occaisional rivalry sparks up. Just be warned, you risk blowing all your cool coming at me, cause I’m just a fun-lovin’ kid with a heart of gold, trying to make folks laugh and taking a shot at learning some things to later impress people IRL (specifically: Beautiful Baby’s).
The only Doper relationship I had that went bad went really bad off the boards and I tried my hardest to keep it off the boards. (I failed, but only for a split second, board time. But it does mean that I had my own pit thread!)
As for board relationships…I’m too flighty and stupid to realise if people don’t like me. There are people I don’t like and I avoid them. For people who don’t like me…well its going to happen some of the time. I’m myself, all of the time, and there is no other way I can be. If that upsets someone…well…um…I’m sorry (?) but this is life.
So basically, don’t care. Personalities clash. just don’t draw blood and all is well.
Well, crap. Now I’m all paranoid. I’ve been blithely assuming that none of my posts was important enough to react to, and that people were ignoring me because they hadn’t noticed. Since I’m having so much fun, though, I’d been planning on blathering away until I develop something approaching an online personality.
Now I have to worry that I’ve actually alienated folks with said blathering, and that they’re ignoring me because that’s the polite way to hate me. Eeek!
Truthfully, I’m not too subtle and none too perceptive. If I hate somebody I’ll tell 'em (nobody… yet), and if they hate me, they’ll have to tell me. Probably twice before I realize they mean it.
Gotta admit, I was right there with j on that one, for we are performers and therefore you are ALL REQUIRED TO LOVE US! TOTALLY, UNCONDITIONALLY AND FOREVER!
I’d insert a smiley here if I weren’t dead serious.
Don’t know if this will help, but my way of handling these
kinds of issue, both in “Real Life” and in online life is
pretty much the same:
Shrug
Mutter, “What’s her problem?” (Note gender of
statement stays the same despite gender of subject :D)
Realize that not everyone will like me, but also realize
that generally the people that matter to me do like
me, and isn’t that what’s really important anyway?
Get on with my life
Generally, I don’t let them bother me, and I don’t bother
to respond to them. This a) generally makes my life less
bothersome and b) deprives the subject of the satisfaction
of snubbing me.
Hope that helps!
Jeez, MAGS, give me a heart attack why dontcha. I’m skimming along and there’s my name in your post oh crap Miss Magdalene has me on her shit list! but actually it’s okay. Whew
To be really blunt, there is a large and ever-growing group of posters whose opinions I respect, a huge group of posters I don’t know well enough to either respect or not, and a teeny tiny group of posters whose opinions I have no respect for.
In terms of people’s opinions of me, I only really care about the first group. (And, strangely enough, the “respect” issue doesn’t corrolate to “liking;” I have great respect for at least two posters whom I doubt very much I would like and whom I’m fairly certain do not like me.) It’s only when I’m flamed by those I respect that I really give a shit. The rest of the time . . . eh. Flame away.
As to not being liked – I’m certain this is true in my case. There are several (perhaps many) Dopers who don’t care for me, and more than one has taken the time to tell me so. I think on some level this is their problem, though – assuming I haven’t done something grievously offensive to them. Whether I care or not depends on whether I respect that person or not. If it’s a person whose opinion I generally value, I naturally value their opinion of me as well. I would like that opinion to be a good one, and am anxious or hurt when it is not. The rest of the time I don’t really worry about it much.
Jesus H. Christ! You’ve been here, what? A month or two? WTF do you expect?
Didn’t you complain about this somewhere else recently? Or was that some other newbie who was upset that she wasn’t the belle of the ball all of a sudden?
You gotta pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues, chickie.
It’s just about not being evil enough. Sure, I’m not all that evil, but then again, most of the people that recognize me on the boards are the one’s in #straightdope, and that’s not all that many people.
There are two people on this board I despise, one of whom has been banned already. It’s rather infamous at this point, and I’m not permitted to get into specifics (for good reason*), but I will say that, frankly, the objects of my derision brought it upon themselves - a little forethought in the first place and a little patience during the aftermath would have gone miles with me, but, sadly, didn’t happen, and the whole thing got blown ridiculously out of proportion to the point that reconciliation is no longer an option. Why? I was being intentionally attacked, and pardon me for feeling the need to defend myself against spurious accusations. Yup, I’ve held grudges, but hey, I’m human.
Other than these two, there is no one I despise on this board - as said, there are some people I respect more than others, and there are some people I don’t generally get along with, but all in all, it’s not a problem. As my friend Steve once said, “If it weren’t for the people we disliked, what would we talk about?”
I know there are a handful of folks out there who do hate me for quite a wide variety of reasons, and that’s ok. Push my buttons, and yeah, I’ll push back, but generally it doesn’t bother me (although I do love telling the stories - makes for good Dopefest banter - but don’t confuse telling the story with holding a grudge in these cases). Like others, I realize that the people who are important to me feel differently. Truly, one cannot please all of the people all of the time.
Esprix
[sub](*Although I may be putting up a website soon with the details - ask if you’re interested in the whole sordid story!)[/sub]
Hate is not the opposite of love. The opposite of love is indifference.
When I was a young journalism student, I would write the most inflammatory columns I could come up with. My goal was to get the hate mail, because hate mail means you’ve had an impact on someone’s life. And that someone cares enough – at least about the topic that pissed 'em off – to bother to respond to you. See #1.
To many of you who have posted about how you think Dopers love you or hate you: I believe you may be overestimating your influence on our lives. I can see that most of the posters to this thread get over their differences and move on quite quickly. See #1.
I really don’t post here often enough to get into trouble, or even build any kind of e-mail relationships. But the people whose posts I don’t like, I tend to avoid. The people whose posts I find interesting, intelligent, funny or entertaining in some way, I tend to search out. In general, I don’t pay a lot of attention to who is posting what. There’s only a handful of dopers I wouldn’t sit in a room with.
You are prominent on the boards, you take some unpopular opinions and defend them with wit and valor, you post sometimes for shock and sheer entertainment value. Not everyone loves that in a person. What’s the big deal? Maybe you and the big O have more in common than you think. 
I just guess the stuff I say is of no consequence to anyone.