HoneyBadgerDC It’s too bad we’re not married to each other. Whenever I pour my husband a drink in a small glass he complains about how I need to give him a larger quantity in a larger glass.
I propose a swap. Each of you submit pictures of all parties involved to me, I’ll act as intermediary and work out the details.
This is just ssoooooo petty!!! No more from me…I’ve spent too much time thinking of this, already.
I tend to be pretty clueless about many aspects of living together. Such as failing to close doors/drawers all the way. It really bothers my wife, for reasons I don’t really understand. I generally THINK I’m trying to do things the way she wants (when I really don’t have a preference otherwise), but my compliance is well under 100%.
But serving food/drink is something else. My wife prefers 1/2 cup of coffee at a time. I think it has to do with the temperature. She also doesn’t want it poured too early, as it will get too cool. (ME, I want a large diameter IV tube, with coffee anywhere from scalding to ice cold.). Filling a cup for someone impresses me as somewhat more directly personal that closing a closet door. And doing things for each other is one minor way of showing your affection. So I’m pretty close to 100% at asking if she wants coffee (if she is down yet) and then only pouring 1/2 cup.
Dishing up food is similar. I do most of the cooking. I generally would plate the meals out of the pans. She is trying to control her food intake more than I, so she has asked that I allow her to plate her own food, to control her serving size. I’m happy to do so.
What I’m saying in way too many words is, if a clueless jerk like ME is capable of acceding to wishes such as these, just about ANYONE should be able to do so. This is such a regularly recurring action, your SO SHOULD be able to remember. That she isn’t suggests something else is going on. Whether or not you wish to delve into what that might be depends on how big a deal you want to make out of it. Me, I’d probably say, “Please let me pour my own drink.” And repeat a few thousand times.
The OP makes me smile. These are the stupid petty arguments that can only happen with age.
Reminds me of the time I texted my ex GF, a short story in Medieval English. She was feeling pissy that day and responded back to me with a snarky response in Medieval English. So in in turn responded back with a shitty response in Medieval English. This went back and forth for a good 20 minutes until we both got so angry with each other we put down the phone.
Later on that week, I read a transcript of all that transpired to my counselor. She about peed herself from laughing so hard.
I don’t think it is petty. If you ask for a 1/2 of glass of something, and they deliberately pour a full glass, AND then scream when you ask why they did it, that’s indicative of a big problem. (No offense HBDC).
IMO, letting something this inconsequential bother you is indicative of a larger problem (I also mean no offense, HBDC).
If you know it’s going to play out this way every time, either learn to accept it or don’t take her up on her offer to bring you a drink. I know the OP is just venting - hey, that’s what we’re here for- but I’m having a hard time seeing what the big deal is (unless it’s some larger issue involving “not being listened to” which is a big deal).
This is what is irritating to me about the story. And then screaming when asked why they didn’t listen.
I would also change my answer to “No thanks, I’ll get it” from that point forward.
The evidence is that the OP’s SO is untrainable. So quit trying to train her. Based on earlier threads it appears the OP’s SO is a … difficult … personality with lots of challenges.
The *ideal *answer is that she magically become trainable, undifficult, and unchallenged. Absent a magic wand that ain’t gonna happen.
The *best available *answer is for the OP to do whatever other option keeps his blood pressure the lowest.
Which may be pouring out overfull drinks, drinking them down entire, always pouring his own drinks, permanent separation, or committing a murder optionally preceded or followed by suicide.
Any of these will solve his problem. What won’t work is trying to retrain her. Over. And. Over. And. Over.
Don’t worry, I suspect the problem will solve itself when she walks out on you.
The question that often gets asked in relationship arguments is “Is this the hill you want to die on?”
Some hills are worth dying over, like discipline for children or caring for elderly relatives or financial differences.
Others are just not worth it. Things like the other person’s hairstyle, clothing choices, food preferences, etc. Just let it go.
How much your spouse fills up your glass when she offers to get you a drink and you accept, is in the latter category.
Now, that being said, even for small annoyances it can be worth asking your spouse if something can change. Maybe they really don’t care if the milk is stored on the right or left side of the fridge, so it’s fine to ask if they put it on the side you have strong feelings about. But if you ask, and they disagree, it’s time to worry about other things. I think the OP’s issue falls here. It’s a small annoyance, you asked about it, apparently it’s not behavior she’s changing, just let it go and focus on the big picture of your marriage.
That said… really? Drinking a full glass of juice will turn you off it for weeks? But not soda? And you want the “I wish I had just a little more” feeling? Man, every time I think I’m starting to understand other people a post like this comes along.
EDIT: I forgot to point out that I had a similar issue in my marriage. I do most of the cooking. I work hard to make sure I cook exactly as many portions as we have people eating, because I find having a dozen half-portion of leftovers sucking up room in the fridge annoying. Since I’ve carefully planned out the serving sizes, I feel I should also be responsible for plating the food. My wife dislikes it when I choose her portion size for her. So the compromise we have come to, is that I make dinner, plate out food for myself and the kids, and then my wife plates her own food for the remainder. I would estimate that 85% of the time, she simply spoons out exactly as much was left onto her plate and there are no leftovers. It makes no sense to me but that is what works to keep our marriage happy.
Trivial shit like this had something to do with the end of my last relationship…over time this stuff gets old…and if it really bugs the crap out of you now…trust me it probably will NOT get better…
I’ll leave it to wiser people here to debate the fine points of who is right and wrong and whatever…
What I will say is this…unless this literally is a trivial complaint…it needs to be solved in some way…
But that’s just it. What if you STILL plated her food every time, even after she asked you not to. And when she asks “Can you let me plate my own food?” you scream “I can never do anything right!!!”
IMO, you would be in the wrong. As in the case in the OP. (not you, but the spouse who doesn’t listen, and gets mad about it)
Use a Sharpie and put a line around all the tall glasses. Or use a dry erase marker and let her think it’s Sharpie 
I think I know what the OP’s problem is. He didn’t say “when”. 
I have always felt simply stating likes and dislikes makes a relationship easier. Not everyone feels this way, or it may even be a man thing. I don’t know.
It seems that throwing out half is your only option. I grew up in a house where it was customary to pretend you wanted a smaller portion than you actually did, then to allow yourself to be cajoled into taking the amount you actually wanted. I’ve watched the issue in the OP play out between my father and his girlfriend, with him ignoring her objections and giving her more than she wanted because he doesn’t think she’s being serious.
One would think it was that simple…without going into details my main problem with my EX was not one particular thing…it was more she would start a fight about the most random trivial shit…it got to the point that every day was like “oh, god, what fucking stupid thing will it be today?”
Sitting in the chair wrong? Eating wrong? Wanting to leave at 9 rather than 9:30? Changing lanes too early or too late? Forgetting whether Bob’s birthday party is this Sat or next Saturday?
Gawd fucking damn I am so glad I ain’t living that shit anymore…I had an epiphany (one of about 3 important ones) when one of my relatives was complaining about about a difficult VERY elderly relative…“EVERY thing is argument with her”…I finally saw the writing on the wall…
Thread drift over now…back to the OP’s problem…
I think you are right, there are some larger problems and not all of them even involve her. There are several areas of my life I don’t seem to have much control over right now. I had to give my guest house ( My workshop) to my ex as she has Alzheimer disease and needs care which I also am doing. ( Kids aren’t stepping up) like I had hoped and I would rather not burden them right now anyway. All my hobbies have currently taken a back seat. SO has other issues that require my time and care and money. I am just starting to feel my whole life is slipping out from under me, not what I had planned for retirement. At least something simple like my food I would like a little control over.
Sorry for you situation Honeybadger…I can relate to at least wanting the SIMPLE things to go your way…the big shit…is well…big shit…but damn, can’t something trivial be done right once in awhile?