Inspired by real-life events of mine. Names changed to protect the guilty. It’s all about a decade old anyway, so it’s not like it matters what people think, but it came up recently and I figured the dope always has superior insights.
The background: This story involves 5 named people and a few unnamed ones (since they aren’t important). Alice and Bob are a couple; they’ve been dating about a year and have a healthy sex life. Cathy and Daniel are also a couple; they’ve been dating a couple of years and don’t have a healthy sex life; Daniel’s saving himself for marriage much to Cathy’s frustration. Ernesto knows both Alice and Cathy and is friends with them. Alice and Bob don’t yet know Cathy and Daniel. Of her social group, Alice is the hub, and frequently throws parties at her place, with usually 10-12 people in attendance. There’s a standing notion that if you’re invited, your significant other is invited, and you can invite any of your friends and their significant others without asking Alice.
The pertinent events: One day, Ernesto invites Cathy to one of Alice’s parties. She agrees, and brings Daniel along. Alice and Bob welcome Cathy and become her friend. Daniel sits in a corner and doesn’t talk to anyone. Neither Alice, Bob, or Ernesto become Daniel’s friend, mainly because he’s a wet blanket and doesn’t join in the games.
A few months later, Alice and Bob realize they have basically nothing in common but an active sex life, and decide to break up. About a week later, they realize that they both like having sex, and start a no-strings-attached friends-with-benefits relationship. A month or so later, Daniel takes an internship on the other side of the country. Since Bob has a lot of free time (due to being single) and Cathy has a lot of free time (due to her boyfriend being across the country), Bob and Cathy start hanging out, watching movies or sports games, but staying platonic. Alice and Bob eventually decide that the FWB deal was fun, but it’s time to see other people. Alice starts a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with a guy who’s name is not important here; Bob starts a FWB relationship with a girl who’s name is not important here.
About a month later, Cathy confesses something to Bob: She’s not happy with Daniel. He’s been selfish and disrespectful to her in addition to having a morality stance that is not ok with having sex or going down on his girlfriend, but is ok with her going down on him :dubious: . Cathy also confesses that she has feelings for Bob and would rather be dating him. (She confesses this by planting one on him). Bob admits he likes Cathy as well, but he’s not going to help someone cheat on her boyfriend. About a week later, Cathy dumps Daniel by phone. Seeing the writing on the wall, Bob ends his FWB relationship and starts dating Cathy.
Even after all the dating shifts, Bob and Cathy are both still invited to Alice’s parties - they show up and everyone has a good time. After about six months, Bob proposes marriage to Cathy, and Cathy accepts. At this point, their invitations to the parties cease and the guest list has gone from “invite whoever” to “invitations must be approved in advance by Alice”.
Cathy is devastated; the time she sees her friends is at these parties. She feels that Alice is just being jealous that she can’t have Bob; therefore her friends should punish Alice by not going to her parties. Bob is more ambivalent; they are Alice’s parties after all, and she can invite or not invite whoever she wants. Cathy is particularly mad at Ernesto; he enjoys the parties and keeps going to them despite knowing Cathy’s objections; Cathy feels like Ernesto has stabbed her in the back.
End Situation: Alice continues her parties and everyone (except Bob and Cathy) continue going. Cathy and Ernesto eventually stop being friends over the issue. When Alice’s unnamed new beau and her break up, he ceases getting party invites as well. Bob and Cathy eventually get married and get a new set of friends. Bob would be fine seeing Alice or Ernesto but doesn’t because he knows it would make Cathy unhappy. Daniel moves to another state and becomes a functional alcoholic and slutpuppy.
The question: Who, if anyone, is the biggest jerk in this situation? Poll to come.