Why do obese women all dress the same?

I hear this complaint a lot on the SDMB and I can’t help wonder why, in a fiercely capitalist country where people will climb over each other and screw over their best friends to make money, a country that also happens to be the second fattest in the world (we fell behind Australia), this situation continues unabated.

You’d think there’d be some big money in that shit…

What I’m wondering, though, is how physically attractive scrambledeggs is.

It seems to me that men are more likely to complain about women being physically attractive than vice versa. If I go out to run errands, I’m not thinking about dressing in a way that men find attractive; I’m thinking about dressing in a way which feels comfortable and suits my mood and my plans. To quote a pop song, “I’m not here for your entertainment.” I enoy feeling attractive and getting attention from men in some contexts, but not when I’m out getting groceries or finding a birthday present or, for that matter, going on a job interview.

As for showing cleavage, that’s not my style. I have it and a couple of tops which show it, but it doesn’t match the image I want to present. I’m pretty nerdy and, like a lot of nerds, not at all into showing off my body. If that disappoints the likes of scrambledeggs, I’m sorry but, since I’m over 40, I suspect I’m not in the demographic he’s oggling anyway.

If he is indeed a troll - and from his style of arguing I observed in his many, many other threads, I think he really is - then there’s all the more reason not to pile on top of him. I mean, isn’t that like feeding him?

OK, apparently I am a masochist and can’t stay away from this thread.

Perhaps not, but the repeated insults to fat women is. I guess he had to make sure that we don’t mistake him as someone who’d see an obese woman as an actual person and conceivably be attracted to her.

By the way, when come back, bring caps.

ETA: And using the term “obese” is not a problem, though personally I prefer “fat”. It’s all the rest of the wording that makes him an asshat.

We do it to fuck with you.

Nope, didn’t happen. She never had the gumption to call him a straight troll, just to complain that he starts too many threads or something.

The grand score is still **Guin ** - 0, Everything else - 100.

I hate how he asked but I actually know what he means (except about the hair) so here’s a serious answer:

The majority of women who are overweight do not have hourglass figures that are just proportionately larger than smaller women. Especially for those with apple shaped bodies, where most of the extra weigh is in the stomach, it’s hard to find clothes that fit. Elastic pants are usually the only thing out there unless you want to walk around with enough room for a whole 'nother person in the hips. The blouse/shirt he’s talking about is cotton and doesn’t cling to the area the woman wants to disguise the most and also hides the elastic part of the pants. It’s also the only kind of clothes available to people with this figure type at any price because most companies cut their clothes for the more hourglass type figure.

It’s also the idea that if we lazy slobs cared enough about ourselves, we’d just DO something about it. Simple, right?

Well, yes, the solution is as simple as eating better and getting more exercise. And by the same token, quitting smoking is as simple as throwing down the cigarettes and never picking them up again.

But let us not confuse the word “simple” with the word “easy.” If you’ve never had a weight problem, then you don’t know how enslaved you can feel to it. I’ve lost and gained weight over and over. It’s hard and it’s as painful as anything I can think of, and it doesn’t help when you have judgemental assholes giving you attitude over your clothing “choices.” And not all fat women have the same shape–dressing “sexy” only makes someone like me look bloated and stupid. For instance, the majority of my fat is carried right out front, so a cute baby doll top makes me look about eight months pregnant. A shirt MUST come down to below my belly, or an unattractive line is drawn right over my gut–NOT pretty. Ultra-short sleeves reveal my bat-wing arms. Low-and mid-rise jeans give me a muffin-top from hell. Add to all that the fact that a lot of places don’t have much selection, and that size discrepancies among manufacturers can make online ordering a nightmare, and BINGO–you have us fatties wearing the “uniform” of the obese woman.

Please don’t mistake all this for self-pity. There is a lot of truth in the idea that we CAN do something about our weight. But don’t speak of the issue as if we can just snap our fingers and fix it. And you don’t know when you see a fat lady what her issues are. Hey, you might even be looking at someone who’s lost 75 pounds already and is going for more. Or you might be seeing someone who, five months ago, gave birth to twins and just hasn’t had the time to sleep, much less prepare good food and get enough exercise–a woman like that is lucky to have been able to get dressed at all! :wink:

And remember that everyone has problems and struggles with something–just because MY problem is visible to the naked eye doesn’t make it morally worse than someone else’s that doesn’t show on the outside.

It can be but isn’t necessarily. I’m overweight and I’m quite successful in a highly visible career. No one thinks I’m lazy, unprofessional, etc.

No one alive that is…

I’m going to assume this wasn’t meant to be insulting, because I read it carefully and did not feel uncomfortable and since my ass is fat (actually, my ass is petite, it’s the rest of me that’s thunderous :stuck_out_tongue: ) I’ve got some answers.

Start with this: It is hard to find clothing for large women that is flattering, attractive, and alluring. It’s damn near impossible sometimes. Start with fabrics: some designers seem to think that The Way To Dress The Fat Chick is with a 5% Spandex mix. This can make previously solid fabric strong and stretchy, but I tend to prefer fully cotton or linen or silk clothing instead of lacing my pants with dead animals.

Now we’ll go on to cut, which could be a whole Pit in itself. I’ve been finding two styles pretty consistently: it’s either Modest Madge, the 50 year old librarian who occasionally likes big block colors and realtor earrings, or Sexy Sinndy, who is apparently 17 and will not wear a shirt if it does not have glitter or sequins. Hopefully it’ll even show off a bit of nipple! :rolleyes: The fact is, larger women can be hard to design clothes for. We don’t just curve at the top and the bottom; depending on the woman, we can have some impressive proportions. I can wear clothing that was meant for my mother and clothing that was meant for my friend Beth, and they’re about a hundred and fifty pounds apart. We just have different weight distributions (Beth, stacked, looks pretty much like an Amazon warrior; Mom, not really stacked, looks like an apple).

A shirt that looks good on a size 5, therefore, can’t just be expanded for a size 26. Then there’s skirts. I don’t know about the rest of you ladies, but I can’t wear anything shorter than knee length – I have the constant feeling that the wind is going to show off what butt I do have to the world. Even knee length is a little dangerous. Then there’s the problem of chafing, which can be somewhat helped by dusting powder and Spandex, but pulling on a pair of slacks is easier and comfier. We also don’t have to show off our legs, which – did you ever know that I can’t wear knee socks? My calves are too big. The sock doesn’t stretch enough for tall socks. Pantyhose is almost a must with skirts shorter than ankle length. You will never catch me in a pair of shorts this side of the 200# mark, either.

That’s not to say there’s nothing. I’m working up the courage to make an order here and I can occasionally find clothing at Lane Bryant (one store. The one store nearby that sells clothes I like, because I feel like an old lady when I go to Torrid and like a toddler in Catherine’s and like a fundamentalist when I go to Avenue) that I like. Currently I’m getting compliments in a bright blue empire-waisted top with white embroidered flowers at the yoke and the scalloped hem and major pleating in the bodice, making my not-inconsiderable rack somewhat tremendous, and the black knee-length linen skirt with the same embroidery. It’s my favorite outfit at the moment. Second favorite but rarely worn is basically the Naughty Secretary getup – dress shirt and black skirt and slight heels, but I don’t have any heels that fit at the moment. That one gets appreciative looks (I actually got a double-take once) and I get few enough of those that I treasure 'em.

I’m one of obese, hardly any style women - and here are some of my problems with clothes.

It’s damn hard to find well made stylish clothes in really large sizes - “thin cheap looking slacks” - yes, that’s all I can find. There just aren’t many stores that carry my size and the style range is more limited. The major department stores have a much smaller selection of plus clothes. Check out the area of the different departments at the mall some time.

When they all carried those blasted wide leg pants for a couple years I wore the old ones longer. I was delighted for 10 minutes when I found an Ann Taylor plus size store. Surely this would be better quality stuff? OK, it will cost more. So, $90 pair of slacks that fit and guess what - it’s polyester. $90 dollar polyester.

I bought a few things from Torrid when it first opened. I’m older than their target audience, it’s not really age appropriate for me, but I tried some stuff. The quality is crap, clothes don’t hold up for long.

For me, the skirt/dress issue is a pantyhose issue - It’s quite an effort at this size to twist and bend to get pantyhose on, then the pantyhose makes you too hot. Then when you need the bathroom you have to struggle with that layer over again and I never get the pantyhose to sit right again. It’s all icky enough I avoid skirts/dresses except some summer wear without hose.

Shoes! Attractive pointy heels! Nope. Kills my feet. The pounds per square inch has to be astronomical. I’m nursing a slightly torn ligament that I probably got just from wearing light summer shoes without any support.

I like showing some cleavage, so I do try to find V neck tops.

It has been my experience that a very large percentage of morbidly obese women have been the victims of some form of abuse, often sexual, sometimes just horribly violent and dysfunctional relationships.

One sure way to insulate yourself from being victimized further is to pack on the pounds. By being less sexually attractive, they are protecting themselves. All that weight is a protective layer against a world that has hurt them.

So, you see, they are not really trying to look attractive in a sexual fashion. Makeup and nails, seem safe to enjoy if you’re so large you feel safe from attack. Of course, the women who have been victimized in this way often don’t understand, themselves, the connection between their life experience and their ‘fat suit’.

No, despite what you’ve seen there are only 100 punks. Jimmy is number 101 and hopes on day he’ll be one. But those 100 punks? They rule.

kittenblue’s got it pretty well down, in case anyone’s interested in an actual answer.

I have to say though, that there’s one other factor which I’m just learning: mirrors are two dimensional, and you can usually only see your front in them (especially if you’re obese and turning and twisting isn’t as easy as it used to be.) I’ve been the victim of a few outfits that look great in 2D and scary in 3D. The only reason I know this is because I’ve got a really great (skinny) friend who vets my outfits before we go out (as I do hers).

I know skinny chicks have the same problem, but it’s more pronounced when you’re already working at a disadvantage (two, actually, the extra weight and the dearth of good clothing options.)

I **do *pay extra attention to my hair and nails (and, occasionally, but not usually, makeup) because those are things I can make “pretty” according to our current social ideals in under an hour (unlike my upper arms). I have stunningly gorgeous eyes, and if I can get people looking at them instead of my extra chin, I get a lot better social contact and treatment.
*What? I’m not allowed to be happy with any part of me 'cause I’m not happy with all of me? :stuck_out_tongue:

ETA: Oh, look. A second page. :smack:

Biggirl and Mike Ryle–you crack me up. Thanks. :smiley:

I’m not big (although I am not small–I’m kind of average), and while I think the OP has a (small) point, it is couched in such terms as to be offensive to even the un-big here. That said, good grooming will get anyone far–older men, I’m looking at you.

Are we sure this isn’t VCO3 come back to play? It’s as twisted and bent as he ever was.

Oh, for fucks sake. Cite? Because that’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard all day.

That’s an excellent site, Little Plastic Ninja, thanks! I’m going to be working in Afghanistan starting in September and will need some culturally appropriate clothing. That site appears to be chock full of it.

scrambledeggs is a slavering semihuman for singling out obese women when the truth is, most people don’t know how to dress to save their lives. I am not certain why he should have higher expectations for a group of people who face so many social disadvantages already.

Nothing wrong at all. Assuming one thinks women’s sole purpose (and desire) is to look attractive. And assuming someone as ignorant-sounding as the OP’s taste reigns supreme. Please, OP, offer up a photo. I’ve got plenty of friends in the fashion industry. I’d love for them to see your style, especially how you show off your ‘assets.’

Ooooooo! Want!