storyteller, that was beautiful. And *exactly * right.
Flowers are easy. They don’t say “I’m thinking about YOU”, they say “I surrender to what Madison Avenue says you want from me, I don’t know anything about YOU”. A letter or an email can be nice if it’s very, *very * personal, but just writing “I can’t stop thinking about you” really only says “I’m horny”.
Give me a man who remembers to sprinkle my coffee with some cinnamon.
Again, it’s the little things in life. Having the big things is nice, but the details bring out the character to the whole story.
By the way…I just can’t stop thinking about you.
(insert smiley face)
I probably am that guy. Except I went to business school. 
Anyhow, I’m not trying to be mean or mysogynistic or anything. I just think when you are evaluating your relationship (or anything really) you look at the facts and the individuals behavior objectively and try to make a determination of the best course of action. You can’t project your feelings of what you want to be on to what actually is.
This is probably the reason that a guy who dates a girl for a long period of time and then breaks up with her often marries the next girl he gets with. Compared to his prior relationship that has likely long settled into routine, the new one is so new and exciting it must be “the one”.
I think I’m in love with him.
I wouldn’t feel bad. My GF and I do that kind of stuff and we’ve been together a long time (after she went through a similar “why don’t you buy me crap!!?” phase. It just sounds like you guys are comfortible. The trick is to keep “comfortible” from decending into “routine” to “bored”, “indifferent” and finally into “I’m going out for a pack of smokes…”
Guys are goal-oriented, pure and simple. And you don’t keep running the ball once you cross the goal line. His goal was to “get” you. He got you. Goal achieved. What’s for dinner?
The trick – and I do mean trick, because women sort of have to be a little cunning to do this – is to make him set new goals. Make him win you back periodically. Some guys (and I was like this when I was young) have to be reminded periodically that a girl has to be won back. Nothing wrong with making him work for your affection once in a while. You change over time, and so does he. It’s a good thing to “fall in love all over again” on a regular basis.
Aaaaaaaand the thread turns Pit-worthy.
Huh? 
Well, I’m waiting for someone to chime in and say that it’s unrealistic for a guy to constantly woo a gal over. It’s dehumanizing and essentially makes him jump through hoops for love. Then the counterpoint is going to either defend it or point out something the other side of the aisle does.
Just you wait. It’ll get escalated.
I loves me a train wreck sometimes.
True. Look at it this way: Now that you are both into something more stable and less uncertain, he will surely from time to time do things to try desperately to impress you – but they will be different sorts of things than during the flowers-courtship-blah-blah stage. For example, if he messes up and forgets to call you when he’s going to be late a few times, he might make a serious effort to not mess up again. It’s a subtle thing that you might not even notice consciously, but believe me it can be harder to do than simply buying flowers – and, really, it’s about something more important than flowers, it’s about honestly trying to put himself in your shoes, and therefore feeling it, deep down, whenever he lets you down.
She shouldn’t ask him to do that until they’ve been together a lot longer.
That strikes me as sort of sad. My husband and I still “date” and we make it a point every day to try to demonstrate how much we love one another. It doesn’t have to be candy and flowers-- it’s in the little things we do for each other. (I’m more touched by him stopping to pick some wildflowers from the roadside than I am by a big bouquet of roses.) I write him funny little poems and leave them on the bathroom sink for him to find in the morning and send him little love notes on his e-mail at work just to let him know I’m thinking of him.
The point is that we both put in the effort. I wouldn’t expect him to court me if I wasn’t willing to reciprocate. It’s mutual wooing-- a concious effort to keep our marriage happy.
They also die. Give me the latest Star Wars novel and I’m your’s!
Applause.
Storyteller, your post about what love really is should be mandatory reading for every teenager who’s grown up on a steady diet of tv and movie “love.”
Hell, it ought to be mandatory reading for alot of adults. I think my wife and I could have used being reminded of this before we separated. Excellent post.
Yep and I don’t doubt that it worked with Storyteller. Work everywhere- I don’t think so. Simply because there is a different context in every relationship. I love the post- could I apply it to my 400 million years on this planet - no. But I’ll steal it 
I’ve noticed a few things.
The word ‘game’ has come up a few times, many, but not all will know that it is not a trivial word - it translates to ‘tactics’ or ‘method’.
DianeG came up with the word partner - personally I consider it core to a relationship - mutual understanding, mutual respect and watching each others backs.
I’m a bit suspicious of ‘Storyteller’, something makes me suspect that he is honing up his writing skills - good stuff - but more Reader’s Digest fodder - I’ve run into similar adepts elsewhere on the net.
Alice, I think that you are going through a transition period, either to de nada, or to a stable friendly and mutually respectful relationship - you girls are supposed to have the intuition.
The key word is listen and if there aint nothing to listen to (with very delicate probing), then it is off to the next 3 month lust induced high - which might be a satisfactory way of running a life.
Yes! I absolutely agree with this. There are people for whom a steady diet of romantic stuff is an important part of finding happiness in marriage. There are people who prefer a fairly businesslike approach to marriage. People are crazy different, and part of being happy, I think, means knowing what your own definition of “love” and “admiration” is and finding a mate whose definition matches your own. Or at least recognizing that different people express love in different ways. My chief point is that it’s a huge mistake to assume that someone doesn’t love and admire you because and only because he or she doesn’t e-mail you twenty times a day.
Uhhhhhh… OK?
Actually, just out of curiosity, which element of my post made you suspicious? Oh, the quotes around the username… I get it! All right, you got me.
<sighs>
My actual name is not Storyteller. I have been living a lie, on this message board where I’ve worked so hard at honing my writing skills by posting just above 160 times in almost six years, calling myself Storyteller when my actual name is something much more prosaic and monosyllabic. It’s time to end the deception. My name… is Frank.
There, I feel better.
No, wait! I’m still lying. It’s Francis!
Whew. That’s a load off.
Or, wait, are you suspicious of the content of my post? Why? Do you suspect that I’m actually unmarried? Do you think I hate my wife? Is the idea that I cook on a regular basis, for her, and enjoy it so bizarre that it makes you suspicious? 'Cause that’s a little weird, dude.
For what it’s worth, in my real life I am a professional writer and have been for the last eight years or so. I don’t really have a particular interest in getting into READER’S DIGEST, or whatever it is that my imputed motivation is here. I just, um, love and admire my wife, and thought a review of how I express that love and admiration would be germane to a thread that I found interesting.
I don’t know. I remain unconvinced. I think we’ll need to see some stories. And I mean stories with exposition, crises, denouements, the whole schmeer. As far as the wife thing goes, I think it was Pliny the Elder who said, “Nothing is so convincing as topless pix.”
I dunno; doesn’t everybody want a relationship that consists of both partners loving and respecting each other, and showing that love and respect in lots of small ways every day and in some big ways occasionally? That’s the message I got from Storyteller’s post. In what type of loving relationship would that not work?