Okay… I am a new at this… So I suck. Sorry about the font and the color, and my name is a nickname that my husband calls me and now some of my friends call me that also. Lol.
Thank you all for the advise. Not one person thought I should try and write her questions and try and get to the bottom of this and maybe save a sister-sister relationship. I know she has serious problems but I just found that out recently. It’s all so new to me and I really don’t care that she hates me, I just want to know why. I am very sad and relieved that I’m not the only baby sister or brother hated in this world. So sad.
Lab receiver? I never said it was youth. They have women’s softball.
Not really releived. I shouldn’t say that. But after hearing all your advise and listening to similar stories. I am Definitley going to leave it along. I guess some part of me was getting excited that maybe she really finally wanted a relationship with me. I know, pathetic.
Why not try talking to her honestly? Like more than the college try. Going into it like a drama queen who feels hated ain’t the best angle, by the way.
Don’t know if this has been done or suggested. Don’t seem like it.
Oh, I know! I’m loving all of this. Everyones is so intelligent, warm and encouraging. I really appreciate it and for my first time ever doing something like this, it’s really awesome. I love the straight dope.
Wow. Change a few details and that could have been written by me. Reading that last part about your sister being mad because you exceeded expectations put into words what I had not been able to.
Similar story. My middle aged sister married a guy that according to her was the most amazing guy in the world. Unfortunately, he took an instant dislike to me, for no reason that I can acertain, so now I have to work out how to see her without him around. I don’t have anything against him, but his hate vibe is so strong, I feel uncomfortable when he’s around.
I think it funny that people assume there must be a reason for people to hate them. Jealousy, real or imagined slights…"“she hates me because of X, so if I do Y, it will become better”
Psychology says there are roughly three groups of reasons people don’t get along. The tree groups of reasons are arbitrary and have lots of overlap, but it might explain it a bit.
Psychologically, internal. Or: “bitches and dudes is crazy”. These are the difficult people, the people with personality disorders, the ones that go through friends and aqaintances (and the life opportunities they offer) like they go trough bags of nachos. Sooner or later, they fall out witth everyone but the ones that are macochistic enough to put up with their shit. If you have a fall out with someone like this, it isn’t your fault and there is very little you can do to make the relationship better. Past experiences are pretty much a guarantee of future results. You might help your sister with practical stuff like the phones, but it won’'t really help-help her, and it will cost you wayy to much.
What complicates issues is that most people in this situation can’t accept that this is the case, and they make up reasons. If you take those reasons at face value and try to adress them, you might as well dig holes on the beach near the surf, pour the mud and water in buckets, and haul the buckets to the sea to empty them there. That is about as useful and probably less tiring, and certainly wreaks less havoc on your peace of mind and your self-esteem.
Psychological, relational. Here we have two otherwise reasonable people,and for some irrational reason, one just can’t stand the other. Sometimes the feeling is mutual. (the theory of Core qualities and -allergies is useful here) Some people just rub each other the wrong way. I am not talking about initial dislike (say the first three times you interact); that often changes. But if you’ve worked or interacted together more then five times and you keep being annoyed, there’s just personal dislike and it won’t go away. It is no-ones fault, neither person is bad, but the best thing for each of you is to interact as little as you can and to keep things professional, short and businesslike.
Psychological, misunderstanding. This is the scenario that leads to Hollywood happy endings. This is where a good talk can help immensely. Here both partners were stuck in their insecurities and feelings of resentment, and when they talk openly, violin music begins to play. “I always resented you were moms favourite.” “But she kept on talking about how I should take care of her because you were the smart one and destined to study and become someone!”. Note: the healing usually begins when people stop accusing and admitting their own part. Also note how this strategy is completely irrational, self destructive and dangerous when you are dealing with someone from secanrio 1, above.
Material, relational. This is where Anna hates Bob because Bob royally screwed Anna over. Anna can forgive Bob, or not. Usually it depends on if Anna an Bob still have to offer each other anything, even if it is just dancing the Codependency Waltz together. Note that imagined slights like like “you left the care of mom to me” or “” you were always jealous of me and that is why you…" can very well actually be misunderstandings like mentioned in 3.
Really, think it over, Pooty. Would you really hate anyone just because they’re doing better or worse in life then you? There would be no end to people you’'d have to dislike. It just doesn’t work that way.
Am I the only one who thought this was going to be a Penthouse forum letter? The whole “I’m, blonde, 5’7”, green eyes, athletic" thing was…odd.
Okay, assuming that this is a serious post:
Your sister has ruined her life. She will be spending the next decade behind bars. She has deeply impacted the life of a 13 year old boy. She’s blown up her own innocent family, and undoubtedly bankrupted them as well with legal fees. Think for a moment what her husband and children must be going through, just going to school/work. They’ve lost their wife and mother not to a noble death, but to a scandal of her own making. She’s a convicted felon and sex offender, and will be a pariah in the community when she is released. She’ll have difficulty ever getting a decent job.
And in the midst of all that pain and turmoil, your reaction is “Why does my sister hate me?”
I think a better question is, “Why did I capitalize ‘My’ in the OP”?
Cut her out of your life now. Pronto. I know this is not going to be easy for you, since you haven’t done it on your own yet, and some stranger on the internet giving you advice is worth exaclty what you paid for it, however…
She is using you. Because she can. Because you let her. Until you say “no” directly to her, or stop talking to her on the phone, or whatever, she will continue to hound you to do things for her.
Her boob competition with you seems to be the least of her problems. She seems very unhappy with herself and her low self esteem causes her to make poor decisions and use everyone around her. She cheated on two husbands? She used her husbands AND the guys she cheated with to get whatever it was she was searching for. Whatever that is, is not your problem. You also don’t have an obligation to figure it out for her.
She won’t change. And the fact that she slept witha 13 y.o. child just shows that she does not have the ability to make good decisions. I have no idea what her psychological problem is, but she has one, and it has nothing to do with you. You cannot make her like you. She will only act like she likes you in order to get what she needs from you. Don’t take it personally… She treats everyone in her life the exact same way.
Please, for your sake and for your family’s sake… Let this go. You owe her nothing. I understand the desire to want a sibling to like you, but ask yourself this question. If you weren’t related, would you be friends with her? I’m betting the answer is no. You aren’t obligated to her just because you share parents.
