Why does My sister hate me?

[Magiver]

@Ibanez

Want to know why she suddenly likes you ?

First off she probably still doesn’t like you. But she probably went through her short list of people, whom turned her all down and she got to you on the list. She’s going to try an wrangle you into doing things for that she can’t do because she’s locked up. She’s using you. Don’t give in. If my sibling treated me like that, and all of a sudden hand a change of heart. I wouldn’t waste two seconds telling her, no it ain’t happening. Get some one else to do your shit on the outside for you. Before you know it, she’ll be asking you to buy her cartons of cigarettes and candy bars.

This.

And it’s not a function of her not liking or respecting you. She apparently doesn’t like or respect anybody. The question I would as you is why do you care what such a person thinks about you? I’d be cutting her out of family photo’s at this point.

[Pooty]

@Maastricht

I think it funny that people assume there must be a reason for people to hate them. Jealousy, real or imagined slights…"“she hates me because of X, so if I do Y, it will become better”

Really, think it over, Pooty. Would you really hate anyone just because they’re doing better or worse in life then you? There would be no end to people you’'d have to dislike. It just doesn’t work that way.

this is really good, thank you for this!

[Pooty]

@Stink Fish Pot

Cut her out of your life now. Pronto. I know this is not going to be easy for you, since you haven’t done it on your own yet, and some stranger on the internet giving you advice is worth exactly what you paid for it, however…
Her boob competition with you seems to be the least of her problems.

Please, for your sake and for your family’s sake… Let this go. You owe her nothing. I understand the desire to want a sibling to like you, but ask yourself this question. If you weren’t related, would you be friends with her? I’m betting the answer is no. You aren’t obligated to her just because you share parents.

of all the advise, you really understand what i am saying.. and you are right i wouldn’t be friends with her and i did feel obligated, and still do. the boob and body competition was what i was trying to explain..not that i am “bragging” which i wasn’t, she just always made me feel very self conscience about myself, and i even believed her that i wasn’t as pretty as she was, when we looked exactly alike, and with her being 6 years older and talking about me negatively about me since i was 15, and her being 21 at the time..and this went on every time we were together until i was 32 years old..so, thanks for having a nice response to that.

[Pooty]

@LurkerInNJ

No, you weren’t the only one. The “I have always had bigger boobs than her and a curvier bottom” did it for me.

you again, so it did it for you.. funny name..lurker usually doesn’t comment and is that creepy guy that wasn’t invited to the party.

I described myself because we looked alike and since i was 15 years old to my 30’s she always had negative things to say about me. i remembered her also saying to my mom, at 16 years old, “why did she get the big boobs and butt?” i guess i worded that wrong, but in my whole life i wonder still now why she would do that to her little sister. i actually looked at myself as fat when i wasn’t. so my story is being picked apart, when all i am doing is trying to get advise to figure this out..this is all so new to me.

so i am getting good advise on here, thanks everyone

[Pooty]

@PunditLisa

I think a better question is, “Why did I capitalize ‘My’ in the OP”?

weird question… but, I’ll answer it… because this was my very first time to ever write on one of these for advise and i didn’t know how to title it, so my first one was.. “My sister hates me” but i changed it to “Why does my sister hate me” i forgot to change “my” to lower case…

and my body comment was only to explain that we looked alike and she made fun of my looks.

other than all that, thanks for your advise, you really did have good things to say!

[Pooty]

@Magiver

This.

And it’s not a function of her not liking or respecting you. She apparently doesn’t like or respect anybody. The question I would as you is why do you care what such a person thinks about you? I’d be cutting her out of family photo’s at this point.

that is so true! i haven’t looked at it that way! thanks

[PunditLisa]

@Pooty

weird question… but, I’ll answer it…

I asked why you capitalized “My” because people usually only capitalize pronouns when they are referring to God: “Let me do Your will.”

My point was that I find it odd that in the middle of all the turmoil you described, your thought is “Why does my sister hate me?” It’s kind of like Ted Bundy’s neighbor asking, “Why didn’t Ted ever wave to me?”

[Apocalypso]

I have a sister who is on drugs and has quite a few problems, including legal issues, resulting from her drug addiction. Some other members of my family are in denial or try to “help” her anyway, not realizing they are enabling her.

We have never been close because she’s always been very self-centered and even when we were kids would frequently take advantage of and use other people. But now I really don’t want anything to do with her. There is nothing I can do to actually help because she doesn’t want help.

I do love her deep down but even before she was doing drugs we were very different and I don’t think we’d ever be close no matter what. So I basically try to be polite to her but I also try to avoid her as much as possible. I can’t help her. Trying to help her would mean being taken advantage of and getting caught up in her problems and be no benefit to either of us. Sometimes with addiction all you can do is let people hit bottom and realize on their own that they can’t continue to live that way, that they need serious help. Sometimes (or maybe even usually) you need to push them away from you to help them or make them realize they need help. It’s hard, they will look at you as a traitor who refused to stand by them when they are having problems. But if you stand by them they’ll drag you down with them.

My mom is still in denial about the whole thing. My dad has been for a long time but is starting to realize that paying her bills, giving her rides “to her friends” rather than letting her walk in the cold, paying $300 for her groceries, is just making things worse. Whenever my parents or someone else in the family brings up my sister I try to keep my answers short and non-commital “Hmmm…yeah I don’t know” and things along those lines. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that this is going to be a serious trainwreck and I can either stand next to it and get caught in the carnage or I can try to get as far from it as I can. I can’t do anything to stop the train or make it do less damage.

[Tollhouse]

Pooty

Sometimes its the younger sibling jealous of the older one. In my case my sister started to build jealousy towards me according to our mom when I was the one who got to start preschool first. She would scream and cry and have fits about wanting to go too but she had to wait, and would walk with my mom to bring me to preschool every day and would bang on the door demanding to go too. As we got older and I got to be the first to do milestone stuff she became more resentful. I was the first to…you know firstborn stuff that younger siblings resent sometimes. As we got older I just gave up attempting to be close to her because inside she was still that angry two year old mad at me for going to school first, it was irrational I realized and several other people who knew us closely said it seemed like she was jealous. When I realized what the roots were it helped me know what I was dealing with and although still very painful at least I realized and even could have some empathy for how it felt to her growing up.

[Pooty]

@PunditLisa

I asked why you capitalized “My” because people usually only capitalize pronouns when they are referring to God: “Let me do Your will.”

My point was that I find it odd that in the middle of all the turmoil you described, your thought is “Why does my sister hate me?” It’s kind of like Ted Bundy’s neighbor asking, “Why didn’t Ted ever wave to me?”

This is seriously one of the weirdest things I’ve ever heard.. She is not a God to me. I only have one God that I worship.

[Pooty]

[quote=“Apocalypso, post:48, topic:649961”]

We have never been close because she’s always been very self-centered and even when we were kids would frequently take advantage of and use other people.

This sounds just like my sister. I’m sorry that is happening to you and your family. You know how I feel, but she is in your face about it and you have to watch your family really take care of her, that sucks. My mom is only putting money on her phone so she can talk to her kids. And she has to deal with her two ex husbands. Which hate my sister and sometimes take it out on my mom, niece and nephew. I know that you are doing the right thing and until everyone else figures that out she will never change. If my sister wasn’t in jail, she would be doing all the same shit. I honestly think if they let her out today, she would go back to the way she was.

I hope everything works out for you.